Another freakish card from Xue Hwa. One of those instances where the Mainland manufacturer must have slapped whatever image they had handy behind the text and said “Run that mother! We’ve got a quota to hit!” Can’t imagine who would want and/or appreciate a gaggle of evil glowing-eyed skeletons wishing them a happy b-day. Still the grim reaper guy is waving at least, and the bats are flying in a loose ‘happy birthday-ish’ formation...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, hong kong, blong, snark, snide, humor

From a 7-11 store window in Central. Seems Hell O’Kitty has landed another sponsorship coup, this time partnering with Death itself. Not sure what they are selling exactly, but it apparently involves a Cactus suit for Kitty, a rather depressed looking Death - ‘can’t believe my agent talked me into this’ - and a snowglobe. For what its worth said snowglobe was not for sale inside the 7-11 (yes I looked).

Would that the ‘real’ Hello Kitty was doomed to such an eternal fate - trapped with Death incarnate within a hermetically sealed prison, while forced to wear a ridiculous (even for her) outfit. Though I’d honestly feel sorry for Death...

Tags: hello kitty, hell o' kitty, disturbing mascots, oddity, snark, hong kong, blong

One of a trove of bizarre greeting cards etc I stumbled on at Yue Hwa, the Chinese dept. store in Mongkok. Seems there’s this refreshing brewed beverage called ‘coffee’, which is made from roasting coffee ‘beans’, grinding them into ‘grounds’ (obvious enough), and forcing boiling water through them in a newfangled contraption such as that pitcher-shaped device below (leave it to those Italians - such a clever people when they put their minds to it). Coffee is purported to have almost magical rejuvenating powers, and is quite the social lubricant. It’ll give us the perfect excuse to catch up! Honestly would you want to ‘get together’ with anyone who handed you this card? Or would you smile woodenly and slowly back away...

Über star Aaron Kwok is at it again with a new concert/album/monstrosity. I can’t look at his ‘crown’ without being reminded me of a monstrous smear of freshly chewed bubblegum. Why anyone thought that pairing a pearlescent pink blob with gold foil-encrusted hair would look good is beyond me. It’s certainly ‘de showy’ I suppose. What’s scary is that by HK costume standards, this is rather understated...

Tags: cantopop, disturbing mascots, dark side of HK, hong kong, blong, oddity, humor

The tag for a cheaply made ‘life-size’ skeleton decoration from a toy store in a street market in Wanchai. Not much here - I was just taken aback by the almost nonchalant knife sticking out of just below the skeleton/ghost’s ribcage (which I’m told is a very effective place to stab someone). He looks more annoyed than scary though, like the addition of the knife is really just shit he doesn’t need...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, humor, halloween, blong, hong kong

A truly freakish ad for a jeans/fashion company. Unless they extensively photoshopped this shot, those really are clips all over his face. Which leaves one to wonder: what the hell are they thinking?! What has this got to do even remotely with pants? Why would I want to buy jeans that remind me of this? Is this what their jeans do to one’s genitalia? I can categorically state this a game nobody wants to play...

Tags: bizarre, oddity, super english force, disturbing mascots, snark, hong kong, blong, humor

Truly bizarre marketing. Security software(?) packaging that features the now ubiquitous ‘anthropomorphic banana eating, bible thumping screaming eagle’ motif. How many times are marketing gurus going to trot this old cliche’ out? Seriously, you can’t use it for just anything. Hackneyed imagery doesn’t sell product gentlemen, quality does...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, hong kong, blong, humor

A bizarre ad for the ‘Food Forum’ restaurants on the top floors of Times Square in Causeway Bay. It seems a slate of chefs is reassuring their throng of devoted fans that they’ve got their backs, or rather stomachs. Odd that the stadium is filled almost entirely with Americans, but who knows, maybe this is from the ‘Food Forum Chefs’ recent world tour. Of course, we’ve heard such statements from the chefs before, like when they promised to protect social security and stop bank foreclosures. At least this in one area they can claim expertise. Still, four master chefs for a million people seems a stretch; one can only hope that they’re adept at doubling, or rather millioning their recipes...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, humor, hong kong, blong

A get well card from a gift/scrapbooking/yarn shop in Maine, which appears to have carried the same stock since 1972. I was stopped dead in my tracks by the plight of Mr. Fluffington however. Shouldn’t puns this bad be illegal?

Regardless, it seems he’s had a bit of an run in with a car tire, though I’m sure with enough overindulgence and expensive medical care (no driving over the border to Canada for him - only the highest jacked-up US medical fees will do!) he’ll be purrfectly fine. Or is that pawfectly?

Which reminds me, why aren’t there cards like this that say meowtherf***er? Now that’s a card I would buy without hesitation. And my respect for the store that carried it would rise exponentially too.

I actually thought about buying this and sending it as a joke, but the thought of keeping a card around in case one of your friends gets sick was, well, sick. Also I don’t know that many people who could absorb such toxic levels of snark while still recuperating...

Tags: super english force, sad, disturbing mascots, snide, humor, blong, snark

I recently found this shot from the Heritage Museum, home of other toy legends like Mr Smash, the Clockwork Walking Smash Martian and Col. ‘Hap’ Hazard.
Behold the infamous ‘Snappy Joe’ the Jeepster, who had his teeth replaced with a jagged set of steel fangs. Even added teeth to his jeep. Apparently he didn’t think his psychotic eyes were intimidating enough; perhaps he felt insecure being a jeepster around all those tanks. Of course Joe’s fellow troops gave him a wide berth regardless, especially when he went on wild joyrides around the base. He would often blow through intersections while waving a live grenade around (at least I think thats a grenade, or maybe its a pumpkin?). Somehow I don’t think Snappy adapted well to civilian life...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, hong kong, blong, humor

A ‘recommendation’ sticker at a nearby restaurant. I found the name ‘bobo fan club’ odd enough to include here. Later out of curiosity typed in the site address. Apparently Bobo is some local celebrity chef (or maybe just a ‘professional celebrity’, one of many ‘outdated’ stars in HK with enough name recognition that people will still pay them to come to parties and be seen with them). I assume he doesn’t know-or care-that ‘Bobo’ sounds like the name of a clown or circus chimp to American ears...



I recognized him later on a wall in Happy Valley. This is his ‘look’ apparently - silver hair, goatee, and pristine white shirt. At least his name must carry enough culinary cache that he gets some foodie endorsements, like for this wine fridge outfit.



Anyway it occurred to me that it would be much more fun to have a ‘bonobo fan club’, restaurants that have earned recommendations from our nearest genetic cousins, the infamously promiscuous bonobos. A restaurant sporting a bonobofanclub.com sticker would guarantee scandalous entertainment if nothing else, provided free of charge by the swinging clientele, at least until the cops showed up. Wouldn’t do much for the appetite, however...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, blong, humor, hong kong

One of the last of the trove that is the Heritage Museum. I thought they couldn’t top ‘Mr. Smash’, but ‘Dodge-Em Tricky Action’ gives him a run for his money. I love the innocent little ‘duck and cover’ kids riding the bumper cars; I especially love that some bored museum employee posed the little girl shaking her fist at the rapscallion little boy who’s about to ram her. Hopefully she’ll employ some artful dodge-em tricky action and send him flying into the patriotic border ring...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, blong, humor, snide

Two more toys from the priceless HK Heritage Museum collection. The “James Bond 007 Secret Service Game” is rather forgettable (save for the vaguely Sean Connery-esque illustration), but it makes a fine counterpoint to “The Drinking Captain”, who comes complete with bottle o’ rum and drinking lamp(?). It reminds one of those big outdoor heaters at ‘al fresco’ restaurants, though I assume the lamp lights up whenever he takes a swig. I love how he has a hand on the lamp to steady himself too. Aye steady as she goes, Cap’n...

If only there were a way to combine the two into one über toy, say “The Drinking Secret Captain Bond XX7”, complete with signature Baretta pistol, but with a travel case martini (shaken by the sea, don’t ya know) rather than the bottle of XX rotgut. I’d keep the striped sailor shirt, worn under the tux jacket for a nice iconoclastic touch. I’m sure Q would have some ingenius weapon hidden in the lamp, or maybe in the life preserver...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor, blong

A billboard ad for a local duck specialty restaurant. Seems like a waste of the man’s impressive mutant fire-wielding powers, but then again that looks like one perfectly roasted duck...

Tags: food, disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor, blong

No, this is not a belated April Fools image - those really are actual goldfish ‘swimming’ in a solid ice fishbowl (along with a few tufts of seaweed to add to the oh so subtle illusion). Apparently the folks at the Ice Palace decided to go for authenticity. The creepiness is further enhanced by the unearthly green glow permeating the ice around it. Have to wonder what the guy who did this was thinking as he poured water into the mold and over the strategically placed carcasses - ‘Man this will look great! And so realistic, just like our neon-embedded ice sculptures!”

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor, blong

Another toy from the Heritage Museum. No need to embellish such naming genius - this is easily one of best names for a toy (or any product really) EVER. What overly rambunctious little boy could resist a Mr. Smash? Note the tool of his trade, a subtle but devastating orange plasma hammer, which offsets the rather odd clamshell mouth and unsettling dead black eyes...

Of course the fact that he’s a ‘clockwork walking smash martian’ assures him a place in the HKB Hall of Champions (or at least head of the ‘automatronic ambulatory demolition alien’ contingent, an admittedly small but vital component)...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

From the Hong Kong Heritage Museum. One of many gems I stumbled on during a fieldtrip there. Like most museums here in HK, the museum is refreshingly well-funded (compared to many in the US), though there is a limited amount of content. They do well with what they’ve got though. And the toy section has an amazing array of period toys made during HK’s ‘golden’ manufacturing age.

Here we have the toy based on the infamous Col. Harlan ‘Hap’ Hazard, a well meaning but hopelessly unlucky astronaut. Seems every project Col. Hazard was assigned to experienced random, chaotic events. This toy chronicles his most famous Moon mission, during which he successfully landed only to realize that the boys at Cape Canaveral had outfitted him with a helicopter blade, instead of the intended rocket pack. Of course the helicopter idea didn’t work too well on the Moon, seeing as there’s no air...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humorous

From the ‘Blue Frog’ a US style bar & grill in Beijing we hit the break up our run of exclusively local fare. Seems the proprietors have either: a) contacted an advanced civilization in an alternate universe where blue frogs (and not monkeys) evolved into the dominant species, with uncanny cultural similarities to our own, or: b) they hired a very good local hungry painter to render (and render well - these are quality oil paintings) their namesake in a bizarre branding/name tie-in. Unfortunately for them, the paintings: a) it definitely help me remember them, but not in a remotely good way and: b) it didn’t make me hungry (quite the opposite in fact). These are even more unsettling in real life, ‘scare the children’ life-like, especially the ‘greek’ frog god in the toga, and the Renaissance woman holding a mutant pet that resembled ‘Woodstock’ from Charlie Brown...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, bizarre, snide, humor

A cardoor decoration from Beijing. I initially stopped to get a picture of the car’s name, the ‘Hover’, which is apparently a new SUV from a Chinese car company called Great Wall - no really. I hope they weren’t trying to rhyme with ‘Rover’. If so, someone in their international marketing dept. needs to brush up on their English. Also they might want to know that ‘hover car’ has obvious futuristic connotations; I assume people arent’ buying this vehicle with the expectation that it will in fact well, hover. By the way what ever happened to the flying cars we were all supposed to have by now? Maybe Great Wall has something up their sleeves, hopefully more practical than their namesake landmark...

But I digress. as I stopped to shoot the aforementioned quirky name I saw what I thought was an oddly colored door pad, only to realize that this was a novelty item the owner had no doubt purchased while very, very drunk. Having a set of fingers trapped in a cardoor is the most unsettling car decoration i’ve ever seen, far more than the old ‘cabbage patch baby hanging by its fingers in the car window’ that thankfully fell out of favor years ago. This is cringe, even nightmare-inducing stuff for anyone who’s ever actually done this, ie slammed their fingers in a car door. I literally pulled my hand back in reflexive horror when I saw it. Suffice it to say it doesn’t make the car hover any better either...

Tags: disturbing mascots, chinglish, oddity, snide, humor

A quick post about gripe water. Initially I found the term ‘gripe water’ amusing; I’ve since been told that ‘gripe’ is a Brit term for colic. Still to Americans to ‘gripe’ means to bitch or complain, and ‘wind’ is an archaic term used ironically (think Break Like the Wind, the estimable sequel to Spinal Tap). A more useful US version would be targeted not at colicky babies and their sleepless parents, but rather for those unfortunates exposed to rightwing talk radio and fox news (such as workers forced to listen to rush limbaugh or sean hannity by their petty tyrant bosses). It would provide rapid relief from ignorant whining, race-baiting, spittle-flecked griping and toxic levels of foul smelling hot air...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, humor

Yet another nonsensical Hello Kitty item. For the record Cyber Clean is a keyboard cleaning product, which looks and feels like clammy, oddly firm pudding. I confess I once bought some of the ‘normal’ lemon scented stuff, and have to admit that it does clean out the crumbs etc fairly well. Still, why would you buy this particular wad of Cyber Clean?Because its from Switzerland - or at least formulated by Swiss cyber-engineers? No! Because it has Hello Kitty on it of course! And it smells like strawberries, just like Hello Kitty...

Tags: hello kitty, snide, disturbing mascots, oddity

Another selection from the previously mentioned menu. Nothing says classic Beijing cuisine like roast pig’s knuckles, and nothing signifies classic pig’s knuckles quite like a pair of witch-hatted cloves of garlic. Obvious really...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, chinglish, oddity, snide, food

From the quickie mart store in Beijing. As someone who hates Gummi bears and other similar candy, I can’t speak to how long these things have been around, but I can speak to the uniquely unappetizing thought of eating a 12 inch long Gummi nightcrawler worm from a bucket. I didn’t check to see if they were packed in moist dirt like real nightcrawlers, though that would add undeniable authenticity...

Perhaps I’m not alone in my disgust, seeing as they had a veritable tower of the stuff sitting untouched for a week (on sale for 1/2 off to boot). The mind boggles at what the good folks at Gummi Works will think of next: how about a bucket of Gummi Small Intestines? 36 feet of chewilicious gummy joy! Or maybe a bucket of Gummi Meal Worms or Gummi Chum, to expand on their bait-as-candy motif...

Tags: food, oddity, snide, disturbing mascots, humor

A painting for sale at a mall in Beijing. Thats right, this abomination was being sold for money. Suffice it to say I don’t think they’ll have any takers, save for the infamous ‘Museum of Bad Art’ in Boston. The puzzling thing about this atrocity is that who or whatever painted it can actually paint, at least in the sense that they know how to blend colors etc. I hope they didn’t actually experience the acid trip it seems based on. Some interesting mutant animals must be scurrying around their subconscious: we have a four-eyed snail, a coatrack-like truffula tree, a magenta parasite(?), a razor-toothed robotic toucan, a leaf-crested worm dragon, and my personal favorite in the menagerie, a gecko with a French Tricolore sawtoothed tongue...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

The holiday installation at Times Square. I’d never heard of ‘crazymichael’ is and don’t much care about it to be honest. A cursory internets search revealed this:

Hong Kong vinyl pioneer Michael Lau returns with... Crazymichael, a character born out of Lau’s collaboration with Nike for the Air Force 1’s 25th anniversary back in 2008... 12” figures are priced at $1,999 HKD, with only 499 units being made available.

Yes that about $260 US for a toy. Nice work if you can get it. By the way the thirty foot tall crazymichael in the lobby has a rotating head, no doubt to further cement his crazy status (that’s supposed to be a straightjacket he’s wearing). There are a number of these figures festooning the lobby around the blue carpet, as well as more human size toys that look like mutant ‘70s NBA players, ’80s break dancers, and various other ‘kindergardners’(?)

Again what is impressive or disconcerting depending on your viewpoint is the absurd scale of all of this. The giant michael is complimented by 20 foot wide floating ‘thought bubbles’ rigged from the ceiling; the exterior installation has seven foot spray cans and two story assemblages of ‘hi my name is’ stickers. I included the one ‘subversive’ addition. Seems Michael Lau (or one of his devoted coterie of proteges’) included bullshit as a name. How naughty! How subversive! How crazy! Personally I like the mysterious ‘german f’ one myself...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

Seems Burger King is now promoting outright adultery, tempting the ladies with the foul triumvirate of Misters Bacon, Cheese, and Pineapple(?). What woman can resist a foursome with these formidable paramours? What woman wouldn’t want three snazzy new tattoos declaring her rather crowded dalliance to the world? Have to say though that the tattoos should at least have a passing reference to well, bacon, cheese and pineapple, no? And don’t know what flowers and hearts have to do with any of them. But I guess in the grip of a four time cheatin’ heart, an already vulnerable gal may agree to anything. I just hope they don’t make her choose one over the other. My money’s on Mr. Bacon...

Tags: food, oddity, disturbing mascots, humor

A bus-stop poster near our apt. Its great to see the Red Cross and ‘Twin Bears’ team up for charity, but I the think ad campaign may have birthed an unfortunate (and no doubt unintentional) cross-reference. It seems each time I see the half bear/half pop idol face on the left, I’m reminded of Hitler. The teddy’s nose is the signature mustache, and the severely parted hair completes it. I though I was overreacting so to speak, but I’ve pointed this out to a few people and either they see it themselves right away or get it as soon as I mention it. I hope the image doesn’t subconsciously cause anyone to forgo donating. Then again it may cause a wholly unexpected spike in donations from nazis...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

A Hell O’Kitty installation here in HK. This one at Langham Place. Seems hello kitty has taken Britain by storm, not only assuming the throne, but taking over Parliament as well. Note how she’s replaced the beefeaters (under Big Ben) with her dead eyed minions. Even the tourists and jingoistic spice girl wannabes have fallen under her power. Have to say she looks pretty grand up there on the bridge though. Of course we’ll have to forego the ‘Hell O’Kitty’ tags now - can’t have an Irish name associated with the throne, not even as a joke. Oh well, the Windsors are actually German anyway, though having a Japanese monarch may taking some getting used to. And her latest proclamation - that all citizens must wear a red bow on the left side of their head and have whiskers tattooed on their cheeks - is already running into politely murmured opposition in the House of Lords...

Tags: humor, oddity, hello kitty, disturbing mascots, dark side of HK

A bit of a throwaway post, but thought I’d include it for the hell of it. This the packaging for a suction cup hook. Because the vast majority of walls in HK are concrete (often reinforced), one can’t just nail into the wall as needed; in fact to mount anything remotely heavy you have to hire some guy with an industrial hammer drill to make properly deep holes. So people end up peppering their homes with ugly little concrete picture mounts, adhesive hooks, and suction holders like this. Anyway what struck me about this particular item isn’t the product itself but rather the bizarre ‘mascot’ on the left: note the hugely muscular arm where his nose should be - or is it shoved through a hole in his nose? He doesn’t seem bothered by it though, judging by his hearty smile and wink. Then again I’m sure they haven’t lost any sales over it: I need to get some extra-strong suction hooks for my bathroom, but look at the anatomically freakish mascot! I can’t possibly justify purchasing that. Perhaps this brand over here with a proper hook nose on their mascot; yes, this will do nicely...

Tags: oddity, bizarre, snide

A men’s slimming/skincare boutique here in HK. Apparently they started in Japan, which explains the name to a degree. Dandy doesn’t carry the same gay connotation there as it does in the US and ‘commonwealth’ countries I suppose. In fact, judging from the number of ‘dandies’ that festoon their anime cartoons and comics, having delicate elven features, bone white skin, foppish hair and an all-velvet wardrobe is all the rage. And the name is truly priceless - can’t imagine a more un-ironic moniker, considering their services; a nice vintage turn on ‘metrosexual’. Ah yes, let us return to the gilded age of dandified men, with lace handkerchieves and acerbic courtesan wit. Or perhaps a new crop of Oscar Wilde proteges, flinging brilliantly anachronistic turns of phrase into the flustered faces of pedestrian boors everywhere. Apparently you can now opt for the ‘premium whitening’ too - not sure if that just refers to just skin treatment, or if it includes ‘epicanthic fold’ surgery and faux-blue contacts as well. Or maybe a whole program to inject premium white dandy culture, so one can take of partake of ’CSI-Miami’ DVD sets, Hugo Boss body scrub, and suitably distressed Diesel jeans. Hell maybe they throw in some mayonnaise, the seminal ‘Hootie and the Blowfish’ album, a pack of Kraft American cheese (individually wrapped slices of course), a few seasons of ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’, and some J Crew mock-turtlenecks to establish a firm ‘white’ cultural base. And 50% off to boot!

A zany calendar at a bookstore here in HK. Tricky trunks indeed. Good to see that even rollerskating elephants take safety seriously - note the ‘elbow’ pads and helmet - both in adorable pink! Somehow I don’t see this working out so peachy in real life. Though I could see Tricky here turning on her tormentors and planting a well aimed 300 pound roller skate onto their chests as she tramples them on her way to that distant treeline...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

From a recent Hello Kitty promotion at CitySuper in Causeway Bay. Just when you think the folks at Sanrio (owners/perpetrators of the Hello Kitty phenomenon) have run out of products to slap the their ubiquitous icon onto, one runs into something like this. ‘Mi (heart) Food’ isn’t even close to actual Italian or English - but who cares? It has Hello Kitty on it! Honestly why anyone would be swayed to buy extra virgin olive oil and/or Italian fusilli or penne pasta because that disturbing blank eyed face is on the label is utterly beyond me. Then again the thought of buying anything with Hello Kitty slapped on it is beyond me, at least for anyone over the age of 9...

Tags: humor, oddity, snide, dark side of HK

A screenshot from a sports website(?). Seems the infamous McRib sandwich is making a comeback, and false tales of it’s lightning inducing (as opposed to its actual vomit-inducing) prowess are hittin’ the airwaves. I have to admit to trying one of these years (decades?) ago when it first came out, and it was one of the most disgusting, disquieting things i’ve ever eaten - which is saying something. It was a vaguely meatish lump stamped into a vaguely rib-rack shape - sans bones of course, slathered with ‘bbq’ sauce and onion bits. If ever there was a soylent green product on the market, this is it. For those of you who don’t know what soylent green is... its’ people! soylent green is people!

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, sad, snide, food

A quick post from our Halloween shopping excursion. I couldn’t get many pictures - the staff get very upset if you take photos, what with all the illegal knockoff toys etc, so apologies for the blur. Seems you can get your daughter that ‘elf ear’ she desperately needs to complete her freakish nun/maid/ninja/fox/elf combo anime’ costume. Silver just-so japanime’ wig not included, nor is the badass coquette anime’ attitude, or the age inappropriate latex jacket (unfortunately cut off here). Thankfully they do throw in two ears despite the tag. I have to say the expression on the model’s face is a bit much, especially considering she’s all or 4-5 years old. Hope she doesn’t get too attached to this look, and opt for surgery later...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

A cream puff outfit originating in Japan. Honestly who else would name a cream puff franchise - or anything for that matter - ‘beard papas?. Anyway they’ve been doing well for themselves, with a few branches here in HK; in fact I saw a branch in San Francisco last time we visited. I had seen their signs here but wanted to actually try one before I laid into them over the preposterous name. And I have to give them credit; yes it is a very silly name, and yes they have world class cream puffs. We went conservative and tried the original with chocolate. Far better than I expected, in fact the best cream puff/profiterole I’ve had here, or anywhere outside of Italy really. So they can keep the slightly creepy mascot and the odd name; just as long as they don’t change the recipe...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, food

I saw this billboard in Mongkok. I’ve seen this pair a few times on local TV - nearest I can figure is they’re vaguely mythical heroes who shill for a credit bureau, but of course the commercials are in Cantonese so who knows. I just found the image funny, though bizarre and vaguely disturbing as well. What exactly are they trying to portray here? And why are they humiliating a doughy UPS delivery guy by pinning him with candy-striped poles, to say nothing of forcing him to wear a paper sack over his head? What is he supposed to signify? Bad delivery services? And why are they striking martial arts poses while bedecked in matching silk suits, berets, and ties - do they have business suits under the kungfu suits? And do I really want to know?

A window display for Chocoolate, a hipster brand here in HK. They usually have pretty eclectic advertising, and I’ll admit it got my attention, but in a what the hell is that supposed to mean? sense. The three eyes on Pinocchio are a bit disconcerting–and why use Pinocchio in the first place? Also the leaf growing from his nose doesn’t help clear up matters. Does that mean he’s lying, but in an environmentally responsible way?

Tags: bizarre, oddity, disturbing mascots, snide, humor

A poster in Kennedy Town for a popular local juice company. Seems they get their distinctive smooth mango juice by employing a 10,000 lb. hammer to crush anthropomorphic mangoes into a fine paste prior to juicing. That explains the distinct tang of fear and panic that permeates all their products. I love the swirly ‘I just got hit by a 10,000 lb hammer and its a bit disorientating’ eyes, and the puddle of fear induced urine (juice?).

I just wonder though–does the mango know the hammer’s coming, or do they surprise it and get even more fear pheromones in the bargain?

A bit of a throwaway posting, but I’m on vacation. A HK post office poster for sending things abroad, based on the tried and true ‘look a crazily oversized object!’ motif. I don’t know if this was an intentional inside joke or not, but there are still many who’d love to screw Japan over but good. Honestly though has anyone ever sent screws via the post office? My uncle needs some #24 philips head galvanized pronto - I better get down to the post office right away!

Tags: snide, oddity, humor

An HSBC ad in Happy Valley. I could ask what the Cantonese translation is for this, but its much more fun to imagine that both these poor gentlemen are patiently fishing for the same fish. Unfortunately for them, they live about 7,000 miles apart. I suppose that fish must exceptionally quick; still one of these men will be going home empty handed...

Tags: oddity, humor, snide

A combo special from our friends at Pepperoni's, the recently defunct(?) pizza place here in Happy Valley. Not a combination you'd find in the US (of anywhere else I can think of, save New Zealand). Still the shank certainly looks appetizing, and at $150 HKD (20 US) its quite a bargain - assuming we're talking a decent sized shank here - we are?- well alright then. Perhaps in the future they'll just drop the shank on top of the pizza. Hard to fit in a pizza box though...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

A popular shampoo used by starlets and wannabes throughout HK. I was going to file this under 'Super English Force' as yet another poor choice of product name, but this is really is mane and tail shampoo. For horses.



From the company website:



One of the odder splash pages you'll come across. Honestly how many companies give personal and animal care options? Also I love the little horse name in the lower right hand corner: Anton 343; interesting name for a horse. Does he know Andre 3000? Sadly the model didn't get her name up too. Anyway more from the website FAQ: Mane ‘n Tail products were originally developed for horses. Horse owners reported seeing significant improvement in the health and appearance of their horses’ manes and tails. Similar results were seen when horse owners and groomers used the products on themselves (wouldn't you?). This was the beginning of the Mane ‘n Tail legend. They also have a nail care solution called Hoofmaker, So not only can you get lustrous shine with Mane n' Tail, but you can also clean up those split nails after a hard day of riding and/or wagon pulling...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre

From a web sidebar ad. Seems Santa prefers a lighter smoke after a long eve of deliveries. Understandable considering he's already weighed down by several million cookies and gallons of spiked eggnog; just needs to unwind a bit after his hectic night. This is the one night when Mrs. Claus won't begrudge a cig at least. It is toasted after all...

Tags: oddity, snide, humor

A poster for the much anticipated return of 'the King of Keys'. Seems he's had extensive cyborg augmentation done since his last tour; now only his head (and of course his heart, so he can still feel the pain, channel the love) are still organic. The new royal suit comes complete with a thruster pack for navigating his zero-G orbital concert hall, and allows access to the 88 semi-autonomous piano keys. One can only imagine if such technology fell into the wrong hands... better not to think about it. Better to bow down before the rightful king and marvel at his hypervelocity arpeggios and exponentially advanced smarm quotient.

Tags: satire, humor, disturbing mascots

This from the Nature Garden complex on Ma Wan Island, next to the more famous Noah's Ark attraction (who knew the ark was here under a bridge this whole time, and not on the slopes of Mt. Arrarat?). Anyway this is part of a well-intentioned green energy section of the park, complete with windmills and solar panels. Seems they decided to include methane production as well. So we have happy eco-critters(?) in hard hats, a hazard-taped cutaway container, whorls of feces, and some bewildered amoebic figures representing the methane producing bacteria. They look surprised to be there, perhaps wondering what evil they perpetrated to deserve this karmic fate. Note the pyro critter on top with the match, and the one holding his nose and tearing up from the stench below. I'm all for educating the kinder about green energy, but I'm afraid this one needs some work. Granted its a tall order to make methane production interesting to children (or anyone really), but a cutaway jar full of plastic manure and fart gas isn't going to cut it. No pun intended...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

A billboard advertising milk from the mainland. Of course its highly unlikely that such verdant pastures exist anywhere in China; and while 'ecological grassland' sounds vaguely positive, it doesn't actually mean anything. Also considering China's infamous plastic additive (melamine) scandal, when the Chinese throw words like ecological around, one should be very wary. Still I have to give credit to the poor sods who had to photoshop the 'dairy cow' clouds (having done this once myself with the old AOL logo, i can attest that its a real pain in the ass to make clouds look both 'realistic' and recognizable as something else). But perhaps the bovine guardian spirits really are watching over this precious patch of idyllic green, and the photographer just got lucky...

Tags: satire, humor, oddity, disturbing mascots

A subway poster in Admiralty, announcing the 'International WOW Magic on Earth II' . Seems one show couldn't contain all the WOW. The name qualifies it for easy inclusion here - though Mr. Magic's mullet and silver blouse take a close second.



I later looked this extraganza up on the internets, and found a trove of wow-inducing (if somewhat disturbing) pickin's. First off there's the tagline:

7 Magic Masters Made You Feel The WOW Once In Your LIFE (I guess having sex, falling in love, etc don't actually produce WOW for most people; kind of sad actually...)

And the 7 Masters each have their own uniquely worded story as well. A few selections from the program guide:

Escape from Reality; He’s cool. She’s even cooler. The two meet in the magic arena. Only one can be the winner. So guess what’s next. (Death by... cooling?)

Story of High Heel; A magician with a heart full of love. A pair of high heels. A romantic story is about to begin. (I really hope this isn't a shoe fetish thing...)

"He" is in a Bar; This ‘guy’ in the Magic Bar – what will he serve up next? (I really don't know what to do with this one. Is 'he' a she? Does that magically influence his/her bartending somehow?)

And the best of the bunch - Moments with Mr. Magic; Mr. Magic would WOW you with the Wondrous World of Wonders. (A whole new take on www...)

The site also provided some choice bio information on our WOW-ists. I had no idea Magic had so many championships, certificates, and awards. Here are just a few:

...awarded twice in the World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and has a Master’s Degree in the F.F.F.F. Original Close-up Magic Convention USA...

...the first Japanese to win the Magic Manipulation World Championship in World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and the Golden Lion Award in Las Vegas...

and finally Mr. Magic's CV: He is the only complete conjurer in Hong Kong... the only magician in Asia held AIMC Silver Star membership of the British Magic Circle and the only Hong Kong magician featured in Hollywood Magic Castle in the US... has a Bachelor Degree in the Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic Original Close-up Magic Convention...

Both the magic circle and the magic castle? But - but how? Ahh yes, magic. And yes thats 'Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic'. Think about that for a second. OK that's enough...

Tags: chinglish, oddity, satire

You may have seen these insufferable (and insanely expensive) porcelain figures. Apparently they are a US franchise, though I've only seen them in asia. Anyway the basic premise is sad-puppy eyed toddler combined with hallmark card schlock (note the heart carved into the tree stump - which can be customized I'm told). They have several outlets in high-end malls here, allowing older customers an option beyond anime, hello kitty and pokemon merchandise.



Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity, humor

Thanks to my friend Mark for sending this one over. Seems Satan was busy during xmas as well, assuming a passable 'saint nick' disguise and hiring himself out for the holiday kiddy circuit (no doubt trying to snag a few children's souls with his 'gift' of eternal toys - in hell!) Looks like he's shaking a bit - perhaps he's struggling to keep his devil body from bursting through. More likely he's been hitting the spiked eggnog a little too hard (he is making that universal 'drinking' motion), getting some 'liquid courage' under his belt before the 'sitting on santa's lap' portion of the party starts. Seems even he gets nervous about dealing with droves of demanding, bratty kids...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots