You may have seen these insufferable (and insanely expensive) porcelain figures. Apparently they are a US franchise, though I've only seen them in asia. Anyway the basic premise is sad-puppy eyed toddler combined with hallmark card schlock (note the heart carved into the tree stump - which can be customized I'm told). They have several outlets in high-end malls here, allowing older customers an option beyond anime, hello kitty and pokemon merchandise.



Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity, humor

Thanks to my friend Mark for sending this one over. Seems Satan was busy during xmas as well, assuming a passable 'saint nick' disguise and hiring himself out for the holiday kiddy circuit (no doubt trying to snag a few children's souls with his 'gift' of eternal toys - in hell!) Looks like he's shaking a bit - perhaps he's struggling to keep his devil body from bursting through. More likely he's been hitting the spiked eggnog a little too hard (he is making that universal 'drinking' motion), getting some 'liquid courage' under his belt before the 'sitting on santa's lap' portion of the party starts. Seems even he gets nervous about dealing with droves of demanding, bratty kids...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots

A decoration from the Kota Kinabalu airport in Malaysia. Not the strangest santa image I've seen (by a long shot), but his reindeer headed staff is unique. Never seen anything quite like it - or the helpful swallow on his shoulder, whispering naughty/nice names into his ear(?) Of course one hopes that his mighty staff doesn't fall into the wrong hands; an army of hypnotized flying reindeer could ruin anyone's yuletide cheer, or easily overwhelm the small antiquated airforce of a country like... Malaysia!?

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

A banner ad from one of the soccer sites I peruse - I think its ESPN. Anyway their soccer store now carries the one accessory every true soccer fan must have - national team themed nutcrackers! Note the soccer mullet (an Argentine specialty), headband and pitch (not to scale). Nothing says pride in your side like a properly attired nutcracker; nothing strikes fear in the hearts of your traditional arch-rivals. Imagine the terror and grudging respect your Brazilian friends will display when confronted with an Argentine nutcracker, complete with dead eyes and goatee. Time to crack some nuts, mi amigo, and you know whose nuts i'm talkin' about!

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

While researching images for a Thanksgiving presentation at my youngest daughter's school, I googled thanksgiving, football, snacks etc. and stumbled upon this abomination. It seems some enterprising souls have constructed the Ultimate Snack Experience: Frito Lay Twinkie Stadium...



We begin with three-tiered walls of twinkies - and yes those are bacon strips 'reinforcing' the corners. Next we have 'stands' filled to capacity with doritos, chex party mix, cheetos, and nacho chips. The 'field' is made up of 3-inch deep guacamole, nacho cheese dip, and salsa. The 'players' are vienna sausages, with either cheddar or swiss cheese 'helmets'. Clever. And finally the goal posts are made of expertly-toothpicked slim jims. And it comfortably seats over 250,000 calories!

I can only imagine the weeks of planning that went into this; I'm also surprised it doesn't crash through the table. And while this monstrosity could literally feed a village for a week, the ten or so midwesterners at the party will no doubt finish this off by half time of the second game, tops...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

A surprisingly popular french fry joint in Causeway Bay. Interesting name - must be one big potato. And how did they transport it to HK? Oh well, much preferable to 'Ireland's Cabbage'. To their credit they must make damn good fries - there's alway at least a 20 person queue whenever I've happened by.

Anyway I was struck by the rather odd jack-o-lantern logo, and the even more bizarre inclusion of a lightning bolt. What does a jack-o-lantern have to do with fries (or lightning)? Ours is not to question, laddy - just eat your fooken chips. Also the slogan is one for the ages:

There are two things in the world that can't be joked: 1. marriage 2. potato

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

A poster from Times Square. I have no idea what this is supposed to do/be. I actually tried to find more info on this image on the internets, but nothing presented itself. Apparently it's supposed to inspire old ladies (with male bodies and a passing resemblance to the gueen?) to participate in field hockey, baseball, american football, and sweating. So much sweating that they literally begin to melt into their shoes and all over the floor...

Tags: disturbing mascots, bizarre

A billboard announcing either AstraZeneca's latest antacid breakthrough - or their successful coup and takeover of the UK. Apparently they gave out free samples at curry shops throughout the country, knowing that chicken korma was now the most popular dish (and heartburn was now commonplace in the adult population). I guess if you don't capitulate now they will cause further pain and gastric distress, as illustrated in the background. I love the reassuring scientist/spokesman in the pristine lab coat, as well as the (admittedly interesting if difficult to read) AZ logo emblazoned on the podium (and the new UK flag behind him). Also the antidote packet he offers, a mere 5 pounds a pill; added incentive to anyone who ever fancies a curry again...

Tags: disturbing mascots

A costume in the bargain bin at Toys R Us. Looks like its been in there awhile. Not sure why though; who wouldn't want an instant witch? Just add water and stand back, and poof! Your very own pissed-off, mildly chubby Denny's waitress, complete with hectoring voice, press-on nails, ill-fitting hat, unflattering peasant blouse, and years of resentment. Not to worry though, unless you're her ex-husband...

Tags: disturbing mascots, halloween

Here's the final Hallo Wind-sor installment, featuring that all-time classic horror icon, the zombie nutcracker. Who can forget this archetypal character of yore? What, you've never heard of the Zombie Nutcracker? You need to get out more my friend...

Tags: disturbing mascots, halloween

Windsor Place's odd attempt at a haunted house. Behold the much anticipated 'Hallo Wind-sor" - complete with bloody eyeballs for the o's - now that's quality. Not sure if that's supposed to be 'hallowind sor' or 'wind sore'; neither sounds fun. There' s also the odd inclusion of a snake eye in the stone wall above the sign, but I'm sure its purpose is revealed inside. This wasn't open when I dropped by, but from the outside I assume its not good for little kids. Hong Kongers tend to really overdue the gruesome aspects of halloween, displaying way too much gore for kiddies. Even HK Disney is guilty of this; we were warned in no uncertain terms to avoid the haunted house there, as kids were coming out crying and screaming, attempting to burrow into their parents chests to escape the nightmares within.



Anyway here are a few of the highlights from outside. including a rather perplexed giant jack-o-lantern, and a truly disturbing Michael Jackson-esque new wave zombie. Not that Jacko needed any zombie makeup...

Tags: disturbing mascots, halloween, oddity

A halloween ad for 'kinder bueno' candy bars. Not sure what he's supposed to be exactly - a horned vampire? A dapper fanged devil? A new hazelnut cream fueled devil/vampire hybrid? Nice fangs though, perfectly adapted (note how they line up exactly with the bar sections) to suck said hazelnut cream from defenseless kinder buenos. Makes me want to go out and become a suave devil vampire myself...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, halloween

Another one of Ocean Park's Halloween characters, this one complete with her own funhouse at Times Square. I guess an undead 'tai tai' (slang for a rich housewife of a certain age with money and time to burn) amassing huge credit card bills from beyond the grave is truly horrifying by HK standards. And that purse - so last season!



And here's her 'house' - filled with Ocean Park Halloween memorabilia from yesteryear and funhouse mirrors. NIce touch with the coffin-shaped door...



There's also this geriatric vampire; he really looks like he's 500 years old, shuffling along behind you. "I'm a-comin' to drink your... blood? yes blood goddamn smart ass whippersnappers... just let me get a-goin' here... no respect for your elders..."

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, halloween

The poster below is for the inexplicably well-received "Planet of the Lang Mo", a show by HK comedian Jim Chow, the guy responsible for those annoying Giordano 'cheer u up' t-shirts. If you haven't seen these, they have the classic round yellow happy face motif, but with x's for eyes. In the US at least this signifies being drunk or knocked senseless, which is appropriate for anyone wearing this stuff...



Anyway Mr. Chow has put all his considerable comedic talents (and craaazy facial expressions!) into his latest vehicle, a critique of the 'lang mo' phenomenon here in HK. According to one fawning website, ”Lang Mo” is a slang term used to describe “a teenage girl who is prepared to dress and show off her hot body at public functions in a way that, in previous years, could only be seen in adult magazines”... Hmmm. It seems Mr. Chow has come up with several hilarious incarnations, ranging from 'Cheapy Queeny' to 'Hallow Kitty' to "Banana Baby' (the less said about the latter the better). Mr. Chow has no doubt pulled HK comedy (and crossdressing?) down a few levels closer to hell in the process...

Tags: super english force, snide, disturbing mascots

This is a poster for the upcoming halloween celebrations at Ocean Park, a local (and quite successful) theme park. In the past their decorations have been way overboard, especially considering their main clientele are families; impalings, blood and mutilated bodies are a bit much for kinder.

This is more along the lines of traditional Chinese ghosts, a spurned woman returned from the grave with a vengeance. If you've seen the famous 'Chinese Ghost Story' movies (which I highly recommend by the way) you've seen the deadly 'hair extension' motif before. This one takes that even further, with a nasty single braid lashing out from the enraged ghost's head. No idea why her head is backwards, but perhaps that's why she's so pissed off. I love the street sign as well; I guess she's famous enough to have a whole road named after her.

Tags: disturbing mascots, humor, halloween

An ad from a junk mailer here in HK. Not sure what 'Noni' is supposed to do exactly, but it does seem to have some nasty side effects. Apparently these don't kick in until your trip to the local tea shop after work, so that lessens the blow i suppose. Hate to see what happens if you take twice the recommended dosage; does your entire face go, or just the left side your body? Maybe you could manage to slink through the office only showing your sunny, confident right profile..

Tags: disturbing mascots, advertising

A forgotten shot from the 'street Mickey' exhibition at Times Square a few weeks ago. This mickey seems to have been conceived/designed while under the influence of acid, or something suitably mind-altering, though probably not peyote, which i assume is hard to come by in Asia. His limbs are teased out in grotesque springs, his signature pants have mutated into a heavily weighted bowl, his hands into useless pill shaped lumps. He appears to be crying out to Disney heaven in a 'why have you forsaken me?' pose, or melting into the pavement under the oppressive glare of Walt himself. Don't know if this is supposed to signify something profound (or if the sculptor has a 'signature' style that he must apply to all his work, so that Goofy, Bambi, or even Hello Kitty would be given the same unsettling treatment). Apparently its not that unsettling; the gentleman on the phone to the right didn't even look up as he strolled by. Maybe he's an acid-sculpture critic and is dishing to a colleague- 'oh god, another Mickey - how original - i'm sorry you were saying?"

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

Another image that (to a native English speaker at least) kind of speaks for itself. Actually I an ex-girlfriend of mine had a great story about buying a joke item for a bachelorette (hen) party. She had nervously entered an 'adult novelty' store and had stumbled on the product in question - but was curious if the 'love sheep' was like a normal blow up doll. The cashier had frowned and then picked up the store public address phone and yelled "Hey Lenny! This blowup sheep doll have love holes?" Suffice to say she melted into the floor in utter embarassment. And yes the sheep did in fact have love holes. I will refrain from any expected Kiwi and/or Greek references at this juncture. Or did that just count as one? Not that I'm insinuating anything. Really.

Another forgotten item from my older brother's toy design hoard, a circa 1975 G.I. Joe knockoff with an orange flight suit (though sadly without the kung fu grip). I love the idea of a generic action figure, but I especially love the inclusion of Gen. MacArthur on the packaging; does this mean that 'action figure' also has a bizarre penchant for kimonos, an ego the size of Asia, and a burning desire to nuke China before they cross the 38th parallel? And the fact that its part of the 'collectable all series' is intriguing; I suppose that includes the generic Barbie (with impossible body dimensions sure to depress preteen girls), and the generic sanrio/hello kitty knockoff with monstrous eyes and unsettling 'cute' coefficient...

Tags: disturbing mascots

Another panel from the anti-drug campaign murals in Kennedy Town. Looks like some of the kiddies may have taken their zeal for eradicating drug use a bit too far. Not to make light of a serious issue, but having pills etc to the tracks and running over them with the Devil Train is a bit unsettling. And the faceless/fingerless conductor is disturbing as well. Love the long-horned human skull on the stack though. Also judging by the defiant, sleep-deprived eyes of the 'syringe', maybe it takes being cut in half by tons of hurtling, demonic iron to finish him off. Looks like he's pretty strung out already; but then again he is filled with glowing heroin...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

Another interesting prop from the Mickey street art exhibit. Seems he now fancies himself 'Mickey the Pirate King', and has created his very own pirate flag, which in its way is more disturbing than the skull and crossbones. Wonder if Mickey will be engaged in modern piracy along the East African coast, or stay local in Asia and terrorize the shipping lanes of Indonesia and the Philippines. Also if some of his old pals will take to their new career; Goofy becoming a sadistic goon with a chip on his shoulder about his intelligence and stutter - " yu-yu- ya callin' me stupid? well i'm gonna cut you a new tongue!" Or Donald Duck screaming Somali insults over a megaphone in his signature voice, then screaming 'waahhhgghhh!" as he empties his AK-47 across the party deck of an unlucky cruise ship...

Tags: disturbing mascots, funny, oddity

More disturbing images from the Mickey street art extravaganza. It seems Mickey's finally had enough of some pushy paparazzi. I'm unsure what he's supposed to be standing in front of - a monstrous Rubik's cube(?). He's seems to have snapped and his now out for blood, screaming full-throated obscenities, eyes blazing, spittle flying.

He's joined by the newest member of his posse', 'Beedy', known for his namesake (disturbingly low set) eyes, and for wearing his mickey mouse pants at "old man armpit level". Sure hope security steps in before Mickey and Beedy give an old fashion Disney beat down, maybe with his gal Minnie stepping in to get a solid kick to the paparazzo's ribs with her signature red stilettos...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, bizarre, snide

This is a street mural in deepest Kennedy Town, part of a wall section of student art dedicated to ant-drug messaging. While I applaud the idea and effort, a few were too extraordinary to pass up. This panel illustrates the truly awesome destructive power of math -specifically addition and multiplication; it's literally streaming out in waves from our studious hero - with help from his backpack and textbooks - painfully smiting the various drugs and drug paraphenalia around him. As our hero grows in expertise, he will no doubt add the disciplines of subtraction and division to his devastating arsenal...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

These are the titan-sized Mickey shoes to go with the Mickey god-gloves, just visible in the background. Not sure if these are to scale, but they're still more than large enough to crush unbelieving fans of rival franchises. Wouldn't want to be in a tricked-out Scion with Looneytunes stickers when Mickey does his signature 'Mickey Mouse Walk' through Mong Kok, arms akimbo and legs pumping. Unfortunately they didn't have a scaled-up pair of red mickey mouse pants on display (complete with signature yellow buttons); though if Mickey does come to claim his gloves and shoes, I'm sure he'll bring his own pair. He is still a Disney character after all, even if he's out stomping innocent bystanders into jelly...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

This is from a rather unsettling Mickey Mouse 'edgy' art exhibition at Times Square in Causeway Bay. I managed to get a few pictures without all the people - more adults than children - posing with them, but honestly I had to wait for about 10 minutes for a clear shot.

Disney is insanely popular in China and HK; we even have our own themepark over at Hong Kong Disney. But I guess the folks over at marketing wanted to nail down the art gallery set as well. So we have the Mickey God Hands, which allow fans to pretend they are about to be scooped up by the Mouse himself. But beware, for he may suddenly lift you up to his bottomless black eyes and lay bare your disney product consumption. And woe to any who are held in those gloves and found wanting...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

Of the many mustachioed turtle jelly masters in HK, Master Ng is no doubt the most famous. It seems years ago he stumbled upon Chinese-medicinal stardom when he combined two powerful marketing concepts - quality fresh turtle collagen herbal jelly and iconic facial hair - into one winning formula. And having exquisite taste in clothes didn't hurt either; note the sharkskin jacket and white tie:





As you can see by this montage from his website, Master Ng uses only the finest tubs and refrigerators for his products, and truly industrial strength binders to hold his voluminous research. As for why the emphasis on 'freshly reproduced turtles', look no further than this handy FAQ:




I wonder if Master Ng ever sees his reflection in one of the Versailles-scale mirrors at his palatial estate, and curses his symbiotic mustache; it has given him great fame and fortune, yes... but at such terrible personal cost...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, cosmo

For those wondering whatever became of Edward Scissorhands, he's now utilizing his unique talents as a stylist for the famed South China Athletic Association's 3rd floor barbershop. After years of wasting away in Wan Chai bars and Mong Kok gentlemen's clubs, Eddies's on the comeback; he's still quite fragile though, and it was all the staff could do get him to pose for this poster. Good to see he's turned his life around. Always wondered how he ate with those things, so say nothing of more delicate personal hygiene; honestly I could never stomach more than about 5 minutes of the movie myself, so maybe they cover that in typically 'darkly clever' Burtonesque fashion. Have to say this super-cute rendering doesn't exactly make me want to rush on over, though I appreciate the subtle juxtaposition of the barber pole and anime Eddie...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

This is a sign from the local Burger King in Pennsylvania. I was initially intrigued by the term 'stackicon' and assumed it was some transformers tie-in; much to my consternation I found that I was correct. By the way our friends at the Gettysburg 'BK Lounge' (as we lovingly referred to it in high school) didn't bother to check the spelling, but it seems 'Stackticon' is a play on 'stackers', a BK sandwich you can stack - how clever.



Anyway out of morbid curiosity i looked up the term and found this ad blurb: In honor of the new movie "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," Burger King introduces the BK BBQ Stackticon, which allows consumers to build their sandwich as big or tall as they want with unlimited beef, cheese and bacon... Out of even more morbid curiosity I looked up the site itself, as was greeted with this disturbing image:



Yow. I should mention that the dollar bills float independently around the site for no reason. You can also roll over the king and get his 'transformer power ratings', one of which is for 'creepiness'. Love the hair.

One final morbid etc etc search, yielded a real stackticon - thankfully someone had gone to the trouble of providing shots of both the advertised ideal and the actual sandwich together:



So all in all a rather pathetic but resonant slice of contemporary American culture, stacked for your convenience (I know I know I couldn't resist):
a truly awful movie - and yes it is as awful as all those snooty critics say it is;
the inevitable fast-food marketing tie-in, but does it transform into anything other than 2 lbs of human fat? Alas no;
and the option for American consumers to add as much beef cheese and bacon as they can, which is a lot...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity

This is a puzzle from my parents house, that someone gave to my older brother at a toy fair. I guess 'hypocritically self-righteous man' and 'biblical quotes taken out of context to support my narrow religious beliefs man' were already taken. Not sure what his powers are exactly: quoting obscure bible passages to confound his liberal enemies? "...and Josiah begat his son Jebediah, and yea they did lay down with Yellenite whores and know them. Then fourscore years later did their progeny rise up and punish those same Yellenites for their sinful combining of wool and cotton..". So obviously, postal union organizers of the Tri-Cities area, you must repent your liberal ways or face the wrath of Yahweh!" (the same passage from Leviticus that evangelicals always quote to justify gay people being damned etc. also recommends death to anyone wearing wool and cotton together, so I guess all those righteous Southern senators in pristine wool suits and spotless cotton shirts are damned as well... but I digress).

Anyway, whatever power Bibleman possesses apparently allows him to shatter the 'Prince of Pride'. Have to say that this is the lamest version of Satan I've ever come across; I guess a cyborg suit with a green plexiglass eye attachment is all they could afford over at Talicor Puzzles. Perhaps the glass magnifies his prideful stare! Can't see bible camp kids trembling in fear of him though - he looks more like a lower echelon Power Rangers villain, without the usual rubber antennae and mandibles. You do get a free poster though, so thats something...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide

This is an older ad for a mobile service(?) here in HK. I love the T-Rex as faithful pooch motif, with his golden retriever coloring and lovingly personalized collar. I wonder what Sam plays fetch with; a water buffalo leg? An oar? Anyway this ad left me wondering how the happy family below deals with Sam when he gets too hungry or grouchy; T-Rexes are notoriously difficult pets, though not as bad as rottweilers. Sam gets pretty frustrated when ordered to 'shake' - it reminds him of his near-useless front legs, and makes him feel frustrated and inadequate. And as everyone knows, 'a frustrated T-Rex is a dangerous T-Rex'. I wonder how this weekend's jaunt to the park turns out - "Sam Sit! Stay! I mean it buster! Honey make a break for the car while I distract him with the buffalo leg! Stay Sam stay!"

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, funny

I came across some older forgotten shots on my laptop, most of which were shite, but found a few gems (gems in the shite - isn't that a Scottish expression?)

Anyway this is a hercules beetle ride in a Tokyo arcade. No sign of an accompanying 'dung beetle' ride, complete with 6-foot dung ball that you roll in front of you and defend like its made of gold... oh well, probably so much the better.

Much to my surprise it sat strangely idle; one would think that kids would line up around the block (and forego those newfangled 'video' games nearby) for a chance to mount 'hercu-beetle' and pretend they are slowly shuffling through the leaf litter, feasting on detritus just like a real beetle.

Unfortunately the dire warning on his jaws was in Japanese only, so I can only assume it cautions riders not to push the glowing red button next to his steering wheel, lest hercu-beetle transform into a 30-story 'Beeterro' and force the desperate Japanese army to reluctantly call upon Godzilla to stop it. And Godzilla always exacts a terrible price for his services. A terrible price...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, bizarre

Another garden accessory from our friends at Toscano in the SkyMall catalog. Nothing compliments a garden yeti quite like a lifesize zombie erupting from your azaleas. His official name is the "Zombie of Montclaire Moors(?)", or Monty for short.

Here is an excerpt from the ad copy: not for the faint of heart...will claw his way out of your garden (and into your heart!)... office or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the most lifelike eyes you've ever seen..you'll swear you can hear him breathing!" Definitely a surefire conversation starter, either with your children's new psychiatrist friend or with the ambulance crew sent over to resuscitate grandpa...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

From the infamous SkyMall catalog on our flight from San Francisco to DC. Now you too can have your every own garden yeti, over 2 feet of mysterious (until now!) primate, guaranteed to spark lively conversation and terrify neighborhood children. Apparently garden gnomes are no longer a viable kitsch option, thanks to travelocity's annoying ad campaign, which they stole by the way. (In the interest of full disclosure I must confess to owning an 'alien yard gnome' in our backyard in DC, appropriately named 'Roswell'). Note that he's posed like the famous film still of Bigfoot - and yes I've watched enough bad TV - think 'Monsterquest on the History Channel - to recognize it instantly.

Several noteworthy things about the garden yeti - the catalog calls him 'Bigfoot the Garden Yeti': an incredibly uninspired and confusing nickname, like 'Puma the Tiger'; also everyone knows that yeti are found in the Himalayas, not in suburban US gardens where most bigfoot sightings occur... Why not call him 'Yeti the Garden Bigfoot'? That way he could have an exotic name to bandy about when meeting other garden Bigfeet(?) "yeah my parents went to Nepal and named me after my third cousin - thought it'd be cool. My brother Sasquatch was born in Vancouver...".

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

This is from the eminently forgettable (and preposterously overpriced) Portola hotel in Monterey CA; the only hotel I've ever stayed at that charged a US DOLLAR A MINUTE for internet access - yep 60 bucks an hour. No doubt cheaper - and more reiiable - in Birkina Faso.

The package below is the in-room coffee selection for the circa 1985 coffeemaker. It seems the intrepid entrepeneur Wolfgang Puck is at it again with his hand-crafted 'signature coffee' blends. Only the highest quality beans are selected in their millions by the Maestro himself - to be freeze dried and bagged by the ton for tourist trap hotels like the lovely Portola.

Hard working man our Wolfgang, first with Spago(?) or whatever his restaurant is called, then the gourmet microwave pizzas (each one meticulously hand-crafted by the Maestro himself- then shipped to Costcos and Walmarts across the country). Anyway what caught my eye was Wolfgang's expression on the packaging - I assume he's supposed to look dutifully impressed with his creation, but he seems more like "Vas is dis? You call zis f*cking coffee?!" Having tried it myself I have to say I'm more in the latter camp.

Tags: funny, disturbing mascots

This is a poster advertising Octupus card rewards (like an ATM card but much more versatile) at a nearby Jusco, a Japanese dollar store chain with tons of kitsch and craft supplies. I assume this is a reference to the Year of the Ox, though its clearly a cow. Oh well, the woman is certainly ecstatic with it's appearance, though I wonder if she gets to keep it, and if she realizes what she's getting into if she does. Not an ideal pet for a 700 sq ft apartment.

The cowering clerk at the register also looks rather put out; perhaps this happens a few times a week, and once again he'll to clean up after 'midas' takes a gilded dump on his scanner. Must be really hard to get metallic cow dung out of all the little seams...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, advertising

This is a Jockey Club ad for a recent horse race. It's very well rendered, though I was struck by the tagline - I would love to see one of HK's beloved cantopop darlings actually race a thoroughbred, if only for 100 metres or so. Forgive me if I don't recognize exactly which one she is, but Jessica, Cyndy etc. tend to blur together, like the ladies from the 'pussycat dolls' and their 37 lesser known competitors.

Or perhaps this is like a vulcan mind-joust, a contest not of brawn but raw brain power. I think my money would still be on the horse...

This was on a delivery truck downtown. It seems that the heated bottle of VitaSoy (soy milk) has KO'd our unfortunate snowman friend, and is now inexorably and painfully melting him (and wearing a toasty scarf just to rub it in too). Not sure what Frosty did to deserve such a cruel fate; he certainly looks friendly enough, what with his bowtie and matching tasseled hat and mittens. Indeed, he has that shocked expression of the double-crossed character in a thriller, one who's just been shot by in the back by his trusted partner - after he got too close the the truth.

Frosty: "Vita... buddy... why....?"

VitaSoy: "You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you Frosty?"

Tags: disturbing mascots, mascots, funny, oddity, bizarre, advertising

This is a children's clothing store(?) in Causeway Bay. I tried to find them on the internets, but as far as I can tell they are a local outfit. The name more than justifies inclusion here, but that crazy-ass logo increases its value exponentially. Don't recall ever seeing a kiddie franchise using a bomb as a mascot before, let alone one with psychotic 'star and lightning' eyes or a sharktooth smile. What parent could resist plastering this image across their two year old's chest? And then there's the 'cute lil' bunny' on the far left, no doubt an attempt to counterbalance the logo. I couldn't get close enough to see if the bunny has fangs too...

Tags: mascots, disturbing mascots, funny, oddity

This is yet another bank ad in Central. I was obviously struck by the wedding dress, which is composed entirely of $100 HKD bills. Wow that's a serious train, but god it must weigh a ton (and smell awful, as anyone who's ever gotten a stack of cash from an ATM can attest).

Not to be overly cynical, but this is may well be the most brutally honest wedding dress ever made: hell just take out the cash and sew it all together, probably cheaper than actually purchasing and fitting a designer dress. It definitely calls in to question some of the other wedding expenses. In lieu of catering, why not put $50 USD at each place setting? Or why not have the father of the bride just hand out cash directly at the banquet? It does have one distinct advantage over a traditional gown though; rather than collect dust in the attic, you can keep this one handy, and simply snip off a few bills for groceries and utilities as necessary. Just try passing swatches of rhinestoned satin at the supermarket.

This is a sculpture outside a popular bakery in Happy Valley. I desperately looked for, but failed to find, a plaque indicating artist and/or title; I assume it has a typical title for ambiguous modern art, like 'Untitled', or 'Raisins No. 3'. I fervently hope these are meant to be nuggets of kneaded bread, or raisins, or even boulders. Anything but what they actually look like...

This is one of the first photos I took here in HK. Its from the window display of a British kitchen appliance chain. I had assumed this was a noble but misguided attempt by management to lure in prospective buyers, but the tag line and the rather bizarre 'dance partner' theme are actually baumatic's official branding, so in their defense the locals were obligated to go with it. These are the most 'intentionally' ugly appliances I've ever seen; sharp edged, utilitarian boxes in bright color options, like soviet era washing machines given a fresh coat of loud paint. Needless to say I like the fire-breathing piranha logo and odd tango poster, but I love the authentically dressed anatomic figures. Oh tango mannequin, you will be mine.

This is a lingerie store in Mongkok. Not the most inspiring name for a brand, even if you give them credit for alliteration. They did spend some time on the logo - note the subtle 'speaking cloud' in the a of 'bra'. I don't recall ever seeing a mascot for bras before, let alone two - and definitely not one with a male version. In fairness I didn't get a look inside, so perhaps they have line of men's underwear (though having 'bra' in your name wouldn't bring in most men, unless you changed it too 'bbb homme' or something similar). I can think of only two reasons you'd have a male lingerie based entity; a) for breeding purposes, or b) to attract a cross-dressing clientele. Maybe that's what the 'little secret' is?

These are some vending machines in Kyoto. A great tag line - 'boss of them all since 1992'. Like most people, I was unaware that coffee had a boss, or that this was in dispute as recently as 1991. I Also love the choice of logo; a combination of John Steinbeck and some anonymous but determined British WWII general. Here are some of their more famous products: Bossccino, Bosspresso, Boss Calorie Off, Boss Double Black, Boss Rainbow Mountain Blend, Boss Begin!, Boss W.E.B. (World Executive Blend), Boss Silky Black and The Espresso. These all come in either cold or heated options. I've never seen a 'hot' vending machine in the US, but then again people don't generally buy canned coffee there either. Still its quite a lineup. I'm personally torn between Boss Begin! and Bosspresso.

And the mugshot of Tommy Lee Jones, their latest spokesman, is perfect - a mixture of world weary 'don't f**k with me' scowl and crumpled hangover. Again I was unaware that on top of his hectic acting career, Tommy had devoted himself to being Coffee Boss. He looks like it has taken a serious toll on him; alas 'heavy hangs the head that smokes the pipe'.

This is a small anime/manga character that my someone gave my daughters. I have no idea who he is exactly; I assume he is one of the myriad pokemon/dragonball/pikachu villains, shrunk down to 'cute' size for the kiddies. There seem to be an endless supply of devil/skull faced guys on these shows, with odd names like piccolo or lord wednesday. I usually avoid pokemon like the plague, but I just had to include this little guy. Hey, even demonic mutants need a kickstart in the morning. I imagine he goes for the darker roasts.

This is a novelty attraction in the kid's playroom at Gold Coast resort in HK. I believe 'Bocca Della Verita' translates as 'Mouth of Truth' in Italian. You put your hand in his mouth/slot and the imposing Greco-Roman device reads your palm, apparently leaving fiery disfiguring scars along your fortune lines. I can't imagine any sane child putting their hand inside this thing to be honest, or any adult for that matter. It wasn't plugged in at the time, so I couldn't try it out. But what does it actually say when it is? Does it bellow - in a Godlike basso voice - dire predictions that will ruin your childhood and adolescence, like "you shall remain a virgin until your thirty-fifth year!" or "yours was an accidental birth!" Or perhaps something more in line with Greek tragedies, like "You shall murder your father in a jealous rage and marry your stepmother! So says the Bocca Della VERITA!"

This is the street menu for a restaurant in Tokyo. Suffice it to say that having the words 'foods' and 'drink' coming out of the pig's behind doesn't exactly spark the appetite. Perhaps these guys specialize in some odd Japanese delicacies - like the infamous kopi luwak, an indonesian coffee bean that is eaten and 'passed' through a wild cat before roasting. Still I much prefer a cafe' where the food is made of pork rather than by it...

These are a few shots of a holiday display by Hysan, one of the more successful property developers here in HK. It's mounted on one of their most exclusive properties. I honestly didn't know what to make of this - obviously a lot of time and money went into it, but one wonders what the hell they were thinking exactly. The christ reference is pretty obvious - seems he has kept the halo but dispensed with the cross and bleeding wounds. He's also upgraded his outfit, no doubt because Louis Vitton and Dior are right across the street. Also he is quite capable of breaking out of two dimensions, but is choosing to stay behind and suffer for our fashion sins. I don't know what the albino peacock represents, nor the braided chef, who seems quite put out at having to cater the event. The magic-spark throwing child looks more like a safety ad for the dangers of present-generated static electricity. She appears to be falling into some kind of gift-based trap, and her sparkly powers can't save her; maybe fashionista Jesus can. And finally there's the traditional xmas fairy queen, complete with her famous dry ice well/pocket watch potted plant combo...

This is an older bus kiosk ad for a street party in Lan Kwai Fong, the premier expat drinking neighborhood on the HK side. I was taken in by his wild eyes, maniacal smile, and cross-cultural hindu god/genie combo. Here we have all the essential ingredients to a classic HK shindig - some old school vinyl, sushi, a freshly flown in Maine lobster, a large whisk, a margarita (although tequila isn't exactly popular here), and of course a fresh baguette... now thats a party.

I came across this a few places in the MTR - it seems that its not enough to merely eliminate bad breath causers; you must first humiliate them in traditional Chinese fashion: force them to crawl on thier knees, shackled with pillory-style handcuffs, and mounted with placards proclaiming their heinous crimes. I suppose the next billboard with show the miscreants brutally executed and mounted on poles as a grim warning to other potential offenders...

SOCCER!!



I say again - SOCCERRR!!!

This little guy was given to my oldest daughter at a safety workshop. His two-fold mission is to exhort Hong Kongers to attain the laudable goal of 'zero traffic accidents' - and to act as a handy paper holder of course. What makes him truly odd, apart from his car/hat, is the matching set of 'wheels' on the back of his head. Initially I thought this was a bizarre attempt to complete the car motif; then it occured to me that this was in fact a second set of eyes, strategically placed to assist him in his mission. I also like his wrap-around toga/belt, constructed of a green swath of accident free highway; note that it also covers his spirit genitalia - modesty and traffic safety, stylishly combined.

No one does disturbing mascots quite like the Japanese, although Hong Kongers take a close second. I saw this on a bus side in Causeway Bay; I'm not sure what the tooth is doing exactly, though he seems enraptured to the point of salivating with his new toast(?) or lozenge girlfriend. I am guessing this is an ad for a tooth-ache remedy, but god who knows. I especially like the real life park bench they're sharing on their 'date'. Maybe he'll try the old yawning-arm stretching routine...

This was the side panel to an ancient (80's) tabletop basketball game in Gold Coast resort's playroom. I'm pulling for the Winds...