A surreal brand of cookies from South Korea. Just the thing to satisfy one’s all-too-common craving for small chocolate biscuit cookies stamped to resemble famous iconic paintings. In fact just writing about it makes me want to visit the ‘Chocoseum’ post-haste! I wonder if they have Munch’s ‘The Scream’...

Tags: food, blong, oddity, snide, hong kong, chinglish

I think this speaks for itself; no need to dwell on what and/or whose saliva. That its listed under ‘appetizers’ makes it even more poignant. Unappetizers perhaps?

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, hong kong, blong, snide, humor

A new (and unfortunately hard to read) Starbucks offering, the Elvis Whoppie Twist. Don’t know if a ‘whoppie’ is a traditional British item, but pairing Elvis with anything will surely kick it up a notch, no? I assume the twist is a reference to his famed hip gyrations? He didn’t sing ‘The Twist’ though, did he? I think that was Fats Domino.



Anyway, assuming they go for authenticity, it should be basketball-sized and feed 15+ people just like Elvis’ favorite sandwich, the infamous ‘Mile High Sandwich’ (officially called the ‘Fool's Gold Loaf’). For those of who unschooled in Elvis lore, this consists of a 4-pound loaf of hollowed-out buttered white bread filled with peanut butter, grape jelly, and burnt bacon. It is then deep-fried for good measure. It would serve 4-20 mortals - or one Elvis.

Of course if you’re looking for a more appropriately sized whoppie to tide you over, there’s always the Red Velvet Whoppie Pie (a remarkable name in its own right)...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, snark, oddity, humor, hong kong, blong

Looks like Pizza Hut has brought in the Big Man himself to get his flock (or these rapturous HK ladies at least) to partake of their latest contraption pizza, the ‘Pop Pop’. Have to say it would take divine intervention to get me to try this abomination: sausage buds (with squirt bottle mayo), garlic shrimp, hot dog chunks, pineapple, and what appears to be twisty cheddar/mozzarella nuggets. Love the enticing platters in the background showing the various ingredients on cheeseboards with garnishes - just like in a real Pizza Hut kitchen! Not sure where the Popping occurs though. Perhaps its the sound of your stomach wall rupturing as God forces you to eat a monstrous slice of ‘pizza’ that weighs more than you do...

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, hong kong, humor, snide

A new addition to the ranks of unnecessary food innovations - the ‘pretzel pizza’. Seems the folks at Auntie Anne’s Pretzelwerks weren’t content with unsettlingly phallic ‘hotdogs in pretzel dough’ (see epicureans on the go - 26/11/2010). Now they’ve scandalized the Pizza Gods themselves with their latest travesty. And lo the Pizza Gods are not smiling. They are perhaps relieved that the ‘pretzel pizza’ is at least flat, and not pretzelized somehow (or worse pocket-shaped , the ultimate abomination). But they cannot be happy with another mutation. Why must companies constantly crank stuff like this out? Who craves a pretzel dough pizza? Why can’t they just stick to what works? And what of the Pretzel Gods? Are they smiling? No, they are weeping, dear friends. Weeping.

Tags: humor, blong, food, hong kong, oddity

From our friends at Istanbul Express. I have to say I’ve never eaten there, so I can’t attest to the taste etc, and honestly would love to have one - or as the Brits say, “I fancy a kebab”. But I’m not sure I want to make an ‘adventure’ out of it. If I wanted to do that, I’d take it upon myself to find out what those pillars of ‘meat’ are actually made of...

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, snide, humorous, blong

A billboard ad for a local duck specialty restaurant. Seems like a waste of the man’s impressive mutant fire-wielding powers, but then again that looks like one perfectly roasted duck...

Tags: food, disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor, blong

From the quickie mart store in Beijing. As someone who hates Gummi bears and other similar candy, I can’t speak to how long these things have been around, but I can speak to the uniquely unappetizing thought of eating a 12 inch long Gummi nightcrawler worm from a bucket. I didn’t check to see if they were packed in moist dirt like real nightcrawlers, though that would add undeniable authenticity...

Perhaps I’m not alone in my disgust, seeing as they had a veritable tower of the stuff sitting untouched for a week (on sale for 1/2 off to boot). The mind boggles at what the good folks at Gummi Works will think of next: how about a bucket of Gummi Small Intestines? 36 feet of chewilicious gummy joy! Or maybe a bucket of Gummi Meal Worms or Gummi Chum, to expand on their bait-as-candy motif...

Tags: food, oddity, snide, disturbing mascots, humor

Some offerings available at a Happy Valley noodle shop. These are the kind of things that Americans tend to associate with Cantonese food (if they know anything about it all, which is pretty rare).This also conflates with the joke about the Cantonese willing to eat anything with legs - except the table! Yes hilarious I know. This is not true of course, as evidenced by the appalling number of spoiled dogs here...

Regardless, this place has a few of the more ‘unique’ local offerings on tap than the usual hole in the wall noodle shack, what I believe the British refer to as ‘offal’. We have large intestines, blood curd, ox tripe, pig liver, even pigskin (steamed not fried like pork rinds - yes pork rinds are pig skin, but you knew that, right?) to compliment the more mundane beef brisket and chicken wings. I’ve actually tried some of these dishes, like when my oldest brother mistakenly ordered cold oiled tripe in China (then insisted he really meant to get it). I’ve sampled korean blood sausage (which is similar in principle at least to the blood curd) in suburban Maryland of all places. Suffice it to say that I will be sticking with the brisket...

Two products available in the window of a nearby gas station’s food mart. I was just going to post about the relative merits of dreamy pies: so dreamy, so pie-y. But then I noticed the O!Karto faux french fries. So O!-y, so karto-y... So I now have a conundrum: dreamy pie or O!Kartos? And then I saw the Lay’s Kyushi Seaweed potato chips beside them (hard to read I know). Decisions, decisions... oh who am I kidding - gotta go with dreamy pie! Though I would advise caution regarding Lott’s less popular dark chocolate option, Nightmare Cake...

Tags: food, snide, oddity, humor, chinglish

Seems Burger King is now promoting outright adultery, tempting the ladies with the foul triumvirate of Misters Bacon, Cheese, and Pineapple(?). What woman can resist a foursome with these formidable paramours? What woman wouldn’t want three snazzy new tattoos declaring her rather crowded dalliance to the world? Have to say though that the tattoos should at least have a passing reference to well, bacon, cheese and pineapple, no? And don’t know what flowers and hearts have to do with any of them. But I guess in the grip of a four time cheatin’ heart, an already vulnerable gal may agree to anything. I just hope they don’t make her choose one over the other. My money’s on Mr. Bacon...

Tags: food, oddity, disturbing mascots, humor

Just when I think Pizza Hut can’t possibly outdo their previous abomination, they deliver again (no pun intended). Now you can ‘embrace the affection’ and heat up your holiday romance with a ring of molten cheese volcano pods, the perfect counterpoint to the garoupa fish chunks nestled on the ‘mothership’ pizza. And the exclusive logo - that’s some quality work right there, managing to tie ‘volcano’, cheese, and romance (note the swoopy calligraphy elements and elegant font) into one package. The only thing missing is a nod to the delicious garoupa nuggets...

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, bizarre, humor

Yet another mutant Pizza Hut creation. I assume they have these in the US, though the ‘Thousand Island Dressing’ option isn’t available. Yes, there is a Japanese pizza variant that substitutes thousand island for tomato sauce. Tastes worse than it sounds, if that’s possible. Anyway this it the latest in the amoebic budding crust motif, where you get a wheel of extra nuggets to pull from the mothership. And if having cheddar cheese (or pig in a blanket/mini dog) stuffing isn’t enough, there’s a handy cheddar dipping sauce to drive the point home. Apparently you can never have too much cheese, or too many calories...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, food

A cream puff outfit originating in Japan. Honestly who else would name a cream puff franchise - or anything for that matter - ‘beard papas?. Anyway they’ve been doing well for themselves, with a few branches here in HK; in fact I saw a branch in San Francisco last time we visited. I had seen their signs here but wanted to actually try one before I laid into them over the preposterous name. And I have to give them credit; yes it is a very silly name, and yes they have world class cream puffs. We went conservative and tried the original with chocolate. Far better than I expected, in fact the best cream puff/profiterole I’ve had here, or anywhere outside of Italy really. So they can keep the slightly creepy mascot and the odd name; just as long as they don’t change the recipe...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, food

Borscht may seem an odd staple for an Asian city, but it’s a fairly common item at Hong Kong diners. As is spaghetti, though its rarely prepared in the usual fashion; often its fried or used in soup in place of rice noodles. I’ve actually ordered the Borscht a few times, and its not bad, usually more like a vegetable soup - thankfully no beets...

PIzza Hut's latest mutant pizza idea - seems cheese injected into a hollow tube crust wasn't pushing the envelope far enough. Now we have StarzBites! I haven't seen one of these abominations in person, but apparently its a crust with 18 individual 'bites' attached like spokes, each stuffed with a 2-tone cheese stick (note the z-shaped flourish on top - nice touch - very starzy). The actual pizza is topped with scallops, peaches, pineapple, 'embedded' sausage slices, 'intertwining' mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, and 'innovative' miracle island sauce (thousand island dressing being a common alternative to tomato sauce here in HK and in Japan). Hell who wouldn't want to partake of such a multi-faceted, multi-dimensional treat, if only to be a part of history? I'm feeling more starzy just by looking at it. As for the name, what else are you going to call it? Spokeybites? Sporez?

Tags: food, oddity, super english force