Another freakish card from Xue Hwa. One of those instances where the Mainland manufacturer must have slapped whatever image they had handy behind the text and said “Run that mother! We’ve got a quota to hit!” Can’t imagine who would want and/or appreciate a gaggle of evil glowing-eyed skeletons wishing them a happy b-day. Still the grim reaper guy is waving at least, and the bats are flying in a loose ‘happy birthday-ish’ formation...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, hong kong, blong, snark, snide, humor

From a 7-11 store window in Central. Seems Hell O’Kitty has landed another sponsorship coup, this time partnering with Death itself. Not sure what they are selling exactly, but it apparently involves a Cactus suit for Kitty, a rather depressed looking Death - ‘can’t believe my agent talked me into this’ - and a snowglobe. For what its worth said snowglobe was not for sale inside the 7-11 (yes I looked).

Would that the ‘real’ Hello Kitty was doomed to such an eternal fate - trapped with Death incarnate within a hermetically sealed prison, while forced to wear a ridiculous (even for her) outfit. Though I’d honestly feel sorry for Death...

Tags: hello kitty, hell o' kitty, disturbing mascots, oddity, snark, hong kong, blong

If you’re ever in Hong Kong, be sure to pick up some mandarin-peel w/ snake’s gall juice, an authentic local favorite, and the ‘best choice of hong kong souvenir’. Yep can’t walk ten feet without tripping over someone convulsing on the sidewalk, purplish froth drooling out between clenched teeth. Good for rebalancing the Qi apparently. And just look at that shiny comet underline - Its got to be the best!

Tags: super english force, hong kong, blong, oddity, snark, humor, dark side of HK

A surreal brand of cookies from South Korea. Just the thing to satisfy one’s all-too-common craving for small chocolate biscuit cookies stamped to resemble famous iconic paintings. In fact just writing about it makes me want to visit the ‘Chocoseum’ post-haste! I wonder if they have Munch’s ‘The Scream’...

Tags: food, blong, oddity, snide, hong kong, chinglish

A remote controlled copter for sale in Mongkok. Rather boring to be honest, not much to look at. But wait, its made out of ‘super copter alloy’! Stronger than titanium, lighter than spider silk! Why, its well nigh indestructible! Better snap this up before the various government and military players descend on the store to confiscate it...

Tags: super english force, oddity, chinglish, snark, humor, hong kong, blong

A tourist trap t-shirt merchant near the Ladies Market, no doubt stocked with the usual ‘Lost in Hong Kong’ and ‘Bruce Lee is my Homeboy’ selections. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your sense of taste and/or irony) the classic American ‘My [insert relative] went to Hong Kong and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’ was not visible from the street. And ‘have a nice tee’ is certainly a clever if ill-fitting tagline. Oh well, at least they’re doing their small part to educate shoppers on tried and true mercantile skills like basic arithmetic. Or maybe it’s a clever Orwellian reference, a nod ‘Double Plus Good’ from 1984? Or not.

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, snide, hong kong, blong, good

Über star Aaron Kwok is at it again with a new concert/album/monstrosity. I can’t look at his ‘crown’ without being reminded me of a monstrous smear of freshly chewed bubblegum. Why anyone thought that pairing a pearlescent pink blob with gold foil-encrusted hair would look good is beyond me. It’s certainly ‘de showy’ I suppose. What’s scary is that by HK costume standards, this is rather understated...

Tags: cantopop, disturbing mascots, dark side of HK, hong kong, blong, oddity, humor

A new (and unfortunately hard to read) Starbucks offering, the Elvis Whoppie Twist. Don’t know if a ‘whoppie’ is a traditional British item, but pairing Elvis with anything will surely kick it up a notch, no? I assume the twist is a reference to his famed hip gyrations? He didn’t sing ‘The Twist’ though, did he? I think that was Fats Domino.



Anyway, assuming they go for authenticity, it should be basketball-sized and feed 15+ people just like Elvis’ favorite sandwich, the infamous ‘Mile High Sandwich’ (officially called the ‘Fool's Gold Loaf’). For those of who unschooled in Elvis lore, this consists of a 4-pound loaf of hollowed-out buttered white bread filled with peanut butter, grape jelly, and burnt bacon. It is then deep-fried for good measure. It would serve 4-20 mortals - or one Elvis.

Of course if you’re looking for a more appropriately sized whoppie to tide you over, there’s always the Red Velvet Whoppie Pie (a remarkable name in its own right)...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, snark, oddity, humor, hong kong, blong

A new (and unfortunately hard to read) Starbucks offering, the Elvis Whoppie Twist. Don’t know if a ‘whoppie’ is a traditional British item, but pairing Elvis with anything will surely kick it up a notch, no? I assume the twist is a reference to his famed hip gyrations? He didn’t sing ‘The Twist’ though, did he? I think that was Fats Domino.



Anyway, assuming they go for authenticity, it should be basketball-sized and feed 15+ people just like Elvis’ favorite sandwich, the infamous ‘Mile High Sandwich’ (officially called the ‘Fool's Gold Loaf’). For those of who unschooled in Elvis lore, this consists of a 4-pound loaf of hollowed-out buttered white bread filled with peanut butter, grape jelly, and burnt bacon. It is then deep-fried for good measure. It would serve 4-20 mortals - or one Elvis.

Of course if you’re looking for a more appropriately sized whoppie to tide you over, there’s always the Red Velvet Whoppie Pie (a remarkable name in its own right)...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, snark, oddity, humor, hong kong, blong

I think this speaks for itself; no need to dwell on what and/or whose saliva. That its listed under ‘appetizers’ makes it even more poignant. Unappetizers perhaps?

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, hong kong, blong, snide, humor

The tag for a cheaply made ‘life-size’ skeleton decoration from a toy store in a street market in Wanchai. Not much here - I was just taken aback by the almost nonchalant knife sticking out of just below the skeleton/ghost’s ribcage (which I’m told is a very effective place to stab someone). He looks more annoyed than scary though, like the addition of the knife is really just shit he doesn’t need...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, humor, halloween, blong, hong kong

A hoodie for sale in Wanchai. Not sure what ‘oream’ is - I assume that’s supposed to be ‘cream’? Not that that would make sense either. I had to snap this photo rather hurriedly, as knock-off stores such as this ironically don’t take kindly to people taking pictures of their copyright violations. I’m assuming this is supposed to be funny in a hip-hopster way? Can’t say that I’m up on my hip hop phraseology, but ‘ice means jewellery, cream means cash’ certainly sounds like your typical tepid faux gansta cliche.

Anyway the last line says ‘the two things which make the’. And that’s it. Make the what exactly? Make the native English speakers snicker? Or maybe I’m completely naive, and ice oream really does make the...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humor, hong kong, blong

In case you were wondering where the greatest falafel on Earth resides, or the best gyro ever. That means since the dawn of time, or gyros at least, which is apparently a long time indeed, judging by the featured Egyptian nobility.

Anyway turns out it’s not in Lebanon or Greece (or Egypt), but in a small side street cafe in Seattle. Who knew? Also who knew that the ancient Egyptians enjoyed falafel and gyros? Or baklava? So when in Seattle, just look for the kissin’ camels. And remember, that’s ‘Zaina’ for food, drinks, and friends... AND THE BEST GYRO EVER!

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, hong kong, blong, humor

A truly freakish ad for a jeans/fashion company. Unless they extensively photoshopped this shot, those really are clips all over his face. Which leaves one to wonder: what the hell are they thinking?! What has this got to do even remotely with pants? Why would I want to buy jeans that remind me of this? Is this what their jeans do to one’s genitalia? I can categorically state this a game nobody wants to play...

Tags: bizarre, oddity, super english force, disturbing mascots, snark, hong kong, blong, humor

A recent web ad that caught my eye. I’ve actually become quite adept at not reading/paying attention to these locale specific web ads. Of course I’m aided by the fact that most of them are in Cantonese and thus illegible to me. But the prospect of having a ‘justice wheel in my belly’ sounds quite compelling. And they have the ‘answers’ to boot. No idea what that means of course, but it sounds far more empowering than being ‘Unisys Check Encoded’ or ‘SEBI India Compliant’...

Tags: super english force, oddity, hong kong, blong, snark

Truly bizarre marketing. Security software(?) packaging that features the now ubiquitous ‘anthropomorphic banana eating, bible thumping screaming eagle’ motif. How many times are marketing gurus going to trot this old cliche’ out? Seriously, you can’t use it for just anything. Hackneyed imagery doesn’t sell product gentlemen, quality does...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, hong kong, blong, humor

A bizarre ad for the ‘Food Forum’ restaurants on the top floors of Times Square in Causeway Bay. It seems a slate of chefs is reassuring their throng of devoted fans that they’ve got their backs, or rather stomachs. Odd that the stadium is filled almost entirely with Americans, but who knows, maybe this is from the ‘Food Forum Chefs’ recent world tour. Of course, we’ve heard such statements from the chefs before, like when they promised to protect social security and stop bank foreclosures. At least this in one area they can claim expertise. Still, four master chefs for a million people seems a stretch; one can only hope that they’re adept at doubling, or rather millioning their recipes...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, humor, hong kong, blong

A candy bar(?) for sale in HK. More proof that Asian marketers don’t have a monopoly on poor branding. Honestly who would want to buy this? The inference of course is that you are either A) eating a truffled pork candy bar, or B) you are a truffle pig. Even if you like truffles, and know how they’re gathered (highly prized pigs trained to smell out the underground delicacy), this seems like a bad idea. Nobody wants to think of themselves as a pig, period. Or would be flattered by the comparision. Hey, how about Hazelnut Swine? Now that would sell like hotcakes. Or pigcakes...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snark, hong kong, blong, humor

I came across this potentially unsettling item in the ‘meeoowwch’ craft store. Not being an especially scrapbooky person, the first thing that came to my mind was the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Somehow I don’t think that’s what the store had in mind...

Turns out there’s a bourgeoning underground of Gimpers, though calling them that may get me impaled by scrapbooking implements. Apparently they prefer to call themselves Boondogglers. Of course there’s another camp that refers to the art as Scoubidous. Sounds like a Harry Potter faction. Probably is one. Anyway I also wondered if the Boondogglers and Scoubidousers ever have craft-fair brawls, or travel in armed packs and pick off the occasional old or weakened apostate. Maybe they even have occasional defections to the ‘dark side’, and they knit up elaborate (and incredibly strong - this is plastic lace coated wire) restraining devices for their fallen sisters. Or not.

Tags: super english force, oddity, snark, humor, hong kong, blong

I recently found this shot from the Heritage Museum, home of other toy legends like Mr Smash, the Clockwork Walking Smash Martian and Col. ‘Hap’ Hazard.
Behold the infamous ‘Snappy Joe’ the Jeepster, who had his teeth replaced with a jagged set of steel fangs. Even added teeth to his jeep. Apparently he didn’t think his psychotic eyes were intimidating enough; perhaps he felt insecure being a jeepster around all those tanks. Of course Joe’s fellow troops gave him a wide berth regardless, especially when he went on wild joyrides around the base. He would often blow through intersections while waving a live grenade around (at least I think thats a grenade, or maybe its a pumpkin?). Somehow I don’t think Snappy adapted well to civilian life...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, hong kong, blong, humor

A t-shirt for sale in SOGO. I honestly can’t decide if this is a fashion/chinglish disaster or an example of brilliant tongue-in-cheekiness. The jarring disconnect between the unicorn/rainbow motif (which would be worn unironically by your average HongKonger) and the tagline beLIEve is truly remarkable, especially by irony-blind HK standards. If it is intentional, then my opinion of at least one HK fashion designer has skyrocketed. If it isn’t, then it’s still a priceless example of unintentional, completely discombobulating irony at its finest...

Tags: super english force, fashion, fashionique, snide, hong kong, blong, oddity

Looks like Pizza Hut has brought in the Big Man himself to get his flock (or these rapturous HK ladies at least) to partake of their latest contraption pizza, the ‘Pop Pop’. Have to say it would take divine intervention to get me to try this abomination: sausage buds (with squirt bottle mayo), garlic shrimp, hot dog chunks, pineapple, and what appears to be twisty cheddar/mozzarella nuggets. Love the enticing platters in the background showing the various ingredients on cheeseboards with garnishes - just like in a real Pizza Hut kitchen! Not sure where the Popping occurs though. Perhaps its the sound of your stomach wall rupturing as God forces you to eat a monstrous slice of ‘pizza’ that weighs more than you do...

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, hong kong, humor, snide

A very quick post - this was next to the bowl + bowl cafe sign. Not much to say other than I am now inspired to live more sportively, whatever that means...

Tags: super english force, hong kong, blong, oddity, snide, humor

A new(?) salon in Causeway Bay. Seems they spent a great deal of time and effort on a name (and signage) that makes absolutely no sense. It is memorable if nothing else, and makes for a nifty double h logo. And they’ve certainly chosen a grungy edgy font for themselves, though again what that has to do with either hair or homers is beyond me...

Tags: super english force, hong kong, blong, oddity, humor

A dehumidifier ad from a few months ago. 90+% humidity and its attendant mold etc are big problems here in HK, and most people own at least one unit like this, and several dozen absorbing containers placed throughout their closets. So I think I can see what they are trying to do here, but its yet another case of too clever by half - we’ll use ‘desiccate; so scientific and official sounding! Don’t see people actually wanting to ‘desiccate the season’ and kill off any emergent springtime plant life...

Tags: oddity, super english force, hong kong, blong, humor

A new addition to the ranks of unnecessary food innovations - the ‘pretzel pizza’. Seems the folks at Auntie Anne’s Pretzelwerks weren’t content with unsettlingly phallic ‘hotdogs in pretzel dough’ (see epicureans on the go - 26/11/2010). Now they’ve scandalized the Pizza Gods themselves with their latest travesty. And lo the Pizza Gods are not smiling. They are perhaps relieved that the ‘pretzel pizza’ is at least flat, and not pretzelized somehow (or worse pocket-shaped , the ultimate abomination). But they cannot be happy with another mutation. Why must companies constantly crank stuff like this out? Who craves a pretzel dough pizza? Why can’t they just stick to what works? And what of the Pretzel Gods? Are they smiling? No, they are weeping, dear friends. Weeping.

Tags: humor, blong, food, hong kong, oddity

The latest in massage/relaxation technology. HK is rife with such gadgets, ranging from full-body massage recliners (which retail for thousands US) to small handheld gizmos, to more midrange contraptions like this. The preposterous name itself warrants inclusion here, but there’s much more here worth commenting on. First off there’s the unique (and luxuriously comfortable) design which allows it to address the ‘neck, shoulder, back, and tummy’ simultaneously. Can’t say I ever needed a tummy massage after a hard day, but it must be just what a ‘legendary diva’ needs to maintain her... legendary diva-ness? I love the small control pad on the front too, discreetly nestled in the brushed faux leather - makes it look like the spacesuits from the more early Star Trek movies. Have to say it reminds me of the shoulder harness for a high end roller coaster more than anything else though.

Still, who cares what it looks like when it got a name like ‘uMama Warm’. It begs for someone to exclaim in a suitable rapper or jersey accent - “Umama? I warmed umama last night!” etc etc...

Tags: hong kong, blong, oddity, snide, super english force, humor

From our friends at Istanbul Express. I have to say I’ve never eaten there, so I can’t attest to the taste etc, and honestly would love to have one - or as the Brits say, “I fancy a kebab”. But I’m not sure I want to make an ‘adventure’ out of it. If I wanted to do that, I’d take it upon myself to find out what those pillars of ‘meat’ are actually made of...

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, snide, humorous, blong

A truly bizarre album cover concept for the local cantopop band ’24 Herbs’. They are purveyors of the usual HK saccharin-sweet boy band crap, with song titles like Turn It Up, Bring It On, Fashionista, and my personal favorite Chillax featuring Taiwanese rapper Soft Lipa(?).

Now it seems someone had the brilliant idea of doing a full-on Clockwork Orange branding campaign for their latest album and concerts, complete with clubs. bowlers, eye makeup and steel-toed boots. Which leaves me to wonder: did they actually watch the movie? Do they have any idea why those guys dressed like that, and what they were up to? Do you really want your boy band linked to costumed fascist sociopaths? Suffice to say I hope they don’t take the marketing too far, and go on a stomping foray into their adoring audience, accompanied by a stirring rendition of Beethoven’s 9th...

Tags: hong kong, oddity, snide, bizarre, humor, blong

From an iPhone shop in Causeway Bay. I was initially drawn to the hyper-bling assortment of iPhone covers; a few unique offerings sprinkled in with the usual hello kitty, disney and playboy knockoffs. Somehow I don’t think the bling ‘apple’ logo is legitimate either...

Anyway what really struck me was the bling coated bobble-head Mr. Bean in the lower left corner. Should he now be referred to as Mr. Blean? Bleang? Or is that last one simply too hard to pronounce? Looks like he’s come into some serious money recently, and has acquired up some proper swag, including a rakish nose stud, and what appear to be bling contacts...

Tags: bizarre, oddity, hong kong, bling, blong, humorous

From the Star Ferry - Again with the new innovation. Seems our friends at Stoneline have done it again - terracota +induction?! They have apparently achieved, nay surpassed the Holy Grail of scratch resistance - the hardness of the original Swiss Alps! And we all know how scratch resistant the newly formed Alps were...

Tags: super english force, blong, snide, oddity, humor, food

A huge recently taken down construction site billboard in Causeway Bay. Yes that really is a shredded bungie cord shawl. I have to give credit to whoever thought this one up though. It must be damned difficult to come up with any new or interesting fashion props for photoshoots, as just about very ‘normal’ idea has been beaten to death, resurrected, then beaten to death yet again. I will say that it has interesting color and texture, but they’re bungie cords. This one has to fall into ‘that’s not only silly, but probably really uncomfortable’ category. That thing must weigh 20 pounds. One bonus though - if that overly fierce looking model in need of a weapon, or is ever stuck out in the boonies and her bumper comes off, she’ll have an ample supply of bungies readily accessible...

Tags: fashion, fashionique, oddity, bizarre, humor, blong, hong kong

A store window in Beijing. Apparently life begins not at conception, or after you’ve graduated, or even with a dream. It begins with a complete set of discount chinese crockery at low low prices. Or does it emanate from the mouth of the odd, crazy-eyed lion dog on the right?

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, hong kong, blong, snide, humor

Some cute lil’ doggy outfits from the overly devoted folks at dogdogcollection. Seems its not enough to put your little mutant breed of choice into a Burberry sweater, cause they get sooo cold in subtropical HK. No, they now offer cute ‘outer dog’ suits in both pink and blue, and bunny suits as well, complete with cute lil’ bunny ears. Forgive me, but don’t dogs already have ears? Oh well, it’s not like logic comes into play here. And if you are going to spoil your already hyper-spoiled little prize as badly as dogdog’s customers do, then said dog should at least have to put up with some humiliation. How I’d love to hear the other dog’s commentary as they pass in the street; “Oooh, nice outfit, you pick that out yourself? And in baby blue too, really suits you....”

Tags: cookie moon doggie spa, snide, oddity, dark side of HK, humor, blong, hong kong

A ‘recommendation’ sticker at a nearby restaurant. I found the name ‘bobo fan club’ odd enough to include here. Later out of curiosity typed in the site address. Apparently Bobo is some local celebrity chef (or maybe just a ‘professional celebrity’, one of many ‘outdated’ stars in HK with enough name recognition that people will still pay them to come to parties and be seen with them). I assume he doesn’t know-or care-that ‘Bobo’ sounds like the name of a clown or circus chimp to American ears...



I recognized him later on a wall in Happy Valley. This is his ‘look’ apparently - silver hair, goatee, and pristine white shirt. At least his name must carry enough culinary cache that he gets some foodie endorsements, like for this wine fridge outfit.



Anyway it occurred to me that it would be much more fun to have a ‘bonobo fan club’, restaurants that have earned recommendations from our nearest genetic cousins, the infamously promiscuous bonobos. A restaurant sporting a bonobofanclub.com sticker would guarantee scandalous entertainment if nothing else, provided free of charge by the swinging clientele, at least until the cops showed up. Wouldn’t do much for the appetite, however...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, blong, humor, hong kong

One of the last of the trove that is the Heritage Museum. I thought they couldn’t top ‘Mr. Smash’, but ‘Dodge-Em Tricky Action’ gives him a run for his money. I love the innocent little ‘duck and cover’ kids riding the bumper cars; I especially love that some bored museum employee posed the little girl shaking her fist at the rapscallion little boy who’s about to ram her. Hopefully she’ll employ some artful dodge-em tricky action and send him flying into the patriotic border ring...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, blong, humor, snide

Two more toys from the priceless HK Heritage Museum collection. The “James Bond 007 Secret Service Game” is rather forgettable (save for the vaguely Sean Connery-esque illustration), but it makes a fine counterpoint to “The Drinking Captain”, who comes complete with bottle o’ rum and drinking lamp(?). It reminds one of those big outdoor heaters at ‘al fresco’ restaurants, though I assume the lamp lights up whenever he takes a swig. I love how he has a hand on the lamp to steady himself too. Aye steady as she goes, Cap’n...

If only there were a way to combine the two into one über toy, say “The Drinking Secret Captain Bond XX7”, complete with signature Baretta pistol, but with a travel case martini (shaken by the sea, don’t ya know) rather than the bottle of XX rotgut. I’d keep the striped sailor shirt, worn under the tux jacket for a nice iconoclastic touch. I’m sure Q would have some ingenius weapon hidden in the lamp, or maybe in the life preserver...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor, blong

A billboard ad for a local duck specialty restaurant. Seems like a waste of the man’s impressive mutant fire-wielding powers, but then again that looks like one perfectly roasted duck...

Tags: food, disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor, blong

No, this is not a belated April Fools image - those really are actual goldfish ‘swimming’ in a solid ice fishbowl (along with a few tufts of seaweed to add to the oh so subtle illusion). Apparently the folks at the Ice Palace decided to go for authenticity. The creepiness is further enhanced by the unearthly green glow permeating the ice around it. Have to wonder what the guy who did this was thinking as he poured water into the mold and over the strategically placed carcasses - ‘Man this will look great! And so realistic, just like our neon-embedded ice sculptures!”

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor, blong

Another toy from the Heritage Museum. No need to embellish such naming genius - this is easily one of best names for a toy (or any product really) EVER. What overly rambunctious little boy could resist a Mr. Smash? Note the tool of his trade, a subtle but devastating orange plasma hammer, which offsets the rather odd clamshell mouth and unsettling dead black eyes...

Of course the fact that he’s a ‘clockwork walking smash martian’ assures him a place in the HKB Hall of Champions (or at least head of the ‘automatronic ambulatory demolition alien’ contingent, an admittedly small but vital component)...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

From the Hong Kong Heritage Museum. One of many gems I stumbled on during a fieldtrip there. Like most museums here in HK, the museum is refreshingly well-funded (compared to many in the US), though there is a limited amount of content. They do well with what they’ve got though. And the toy section has an amazing array of period toys made during HK’s ‘golden’ manufacturing age.

Here we have the toy based on the infamous Col. Harlan ‘Hap’ Hazard, a well meaning but hopelessly unlucky astronaut. Seems every project Col. Hazard was assigned to experienced random, chaotic events. This toy chronicles his most famous Moon mission, during which he successfully landed only to realize that the boys at Cape Canaveral had outfitted him with a helicopter blade, instead of the intended rocket pack. Of course the helicopter idea didn’t work too well on the Moon, seeing as there’s no air...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humorous

A new skin treatment at a local spa. Bizarre enough phrasing to proudly stand alone, though it does make one wonder exactly whose placenta is being infiltrated, and how...

Tags: chinglish, oddity, snide, humor, bizarre

From the ‘Blue Frog’ a US style bar & grill in Beijing we hit the break up our run of exclusively local fare. Seems the proprietors have either: a) contacted an advanced civilization in an alternate universe where blue frogs (and not monkeys) evolved into the dominant species, with uncanny cultural similarities to our own, or: b) they hired a very good local hungry painter to render (and render well - these are quality oil paintings) their namesake in a bizarre branding/name tie-in. Unfortunately for them, the paintings: a) it definitely help me remember them, but not in a remotely good way and: b) it didn’t make me hungry (quite the opposite in fact). These are even more unsettling in real life, ‘scare the children’ life-like, especially the ‘greek’ frog god in the toga, and the Renaissance woman holding a mutant pet that resembled ‘Woodstock’ from Charlie Brown...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, bizarre, snide, humor

A cardoor decoration from Beijing. I initially stopped to get a picture of the car’s name, the ‘Hover’, which is apparently a new SUV from a Chinese car company called Great Wall - no really. I hope they weren’t trying to rhyme with ‘Rover’. If so, someone in their international marketing dept. needs to brush up on their English. Also they might want to know that ‘hover car’ has obvious futuristic connotations; I assume people arent’ buying this vehicle with the expectation that it will in fact well, hover. By the way what ever happened to the flying cars we were all supposed to have by now? Maybe Great Wall has something up their sleeves, hopefully more practical than their namesake landmark...

But I digress. as I stopped to shoot the aforementioned quirky name I saw what I thought was an oddly colored door pad, only to realize that this was a novelty item the owner had no doubt purchased while very, very drunk. Having a set of fingers trapped in a cardoor is the most unsettling car decoration i’ve ever seen, far more than the old ‘cabbage patch baby hanging by its fingers in the car window’ that thankfully fell out of favor years ago. This is cringe, even nightmare-inducing stuff for anyone who’s ever actually done this, ie slammed their fingers in a car door. I literally pulled my hand back in reflexive horror when I saw it. Suffice it to say it doesn’t make the car hover any better either...

Tags: disturbing mascots, chinglish, oddity, snide, humor

One of the odder taxi dashboard adornments I’ve seen - an air freshener named ‘LUCID CUBE’. Not sure if they had anything in mind other than ‘hey it rhymes!” A waste of a funky name really, as I can think of any number of interesting devices that could use a moniker like this, say a virtual reality generator, or an REM sleep brainwave booster. Maybe it really is a lucid dream enhancer disguised as a dashboard air freshener - which would explain why our driver kept weaving around unseen obstacles and driving like a waking nightmare...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, snide, humor

A marketing prop at Juicy Couture in Harbour City TST. I am perpetually amazed at the time, effort, and expense some stores put into their window displays and instore paraphenalia, but these guys are a cut above, and this item is a cut above their usual lifesize suit of pink armor. There are few things that make me want to buy some edgy fashion for the wife quite like a fuschia-maned horse with ‘bloody luxury’ spraypainted on its side and haunches. I wonder if I can buy a horsehide purse with this slogan emblazoned on it as well -maybe even rendered in actual horse blood? Ironic and edgy, dare I say juicily so...

Tags: fashion, fashionique, oddity, snide, humor

A quick post about gripe water. Initially I found the term ‘gripe water’ amusing; I’ve since been told that ‘gripe’ is a Brit term for colic. Still to Americans to ‘gripe’ means to bitch or complain, and ‘wind’ is an archaic term used ironically (think Break Like the Wind, the estimable sequel to Spinal Tap). A more useful US version would be targeted not at colicky babies and their sleepless parents, but rather for those unfortunates exposed to rightwing talk radio and fox news (such as workers forced to listen to rush limbaugh or sean hannity by their petty tyrant bosses). It would provide rapid relief from ignorant whining, race-baiting, spittle-flecked griping and toxic levels of foul smelling hot air...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, oddity, humor

From a brochure for a resort outside of Beijing. Apparently Blue Ocean Palace has a hot spring pond whose grounds are constructed entirely from green jades. Wow. As if this were not enough, they claim to be the ‘first place in Beijing’ to boot; a veritable paradise of water sports (surfing and drifting) and spa treatments like ‘hydropathy-care’. Impressive lineup, but they also have venues for bowling, billiards and hairdressing. But it’s their singular ability to offer ‘water-larkishness’ that seals the deal for me. When’s the last time you were able to waterlark indoors? Exactly.



And as you can see by the accompanying shot of the pool, there is potential for water-larking aplenty. Never mind that the bizarre juxtaposition of stalactites, transplanted sections of cave wall, jade tiling, blimp hangar ceiling, and a flotilla of inflatable pool toys will melt your brain...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humor

Yet another nonsensical Hello Kitty item. For the record Cyber Clean is a keyboard cleaning product, which looks and feels like clammy, oddly firm pudding. I confess I once bought some of the ‘normal’ lemon scented stuff, and have to admit that it does clean out the crumbs etc fairly well. Still, why would you buy this particular wad of Cyber Clean?Because its from Switzerland - or at least formulated by Swiss cyber-engineers? No! Because it has Hello Kitty on it of course! And it smells like strawberries, just like Hello Kitty...

Tags: hello kitty, snide, disturbing mascots, oddity

A sign outside of the Temple of Heaven in Beijing. I’m assuming this means warning! or caution! or its equivalent, though its rather vague about what to be cautious of. A quick image search revealed only one other example of it, from a British sign vendor. I don’t recall ever seeing one in the UK, or in any former colonies etc that still use UK signage. Perhaps it means Warning! Something unknown and vaguely dangerous awaits you past this gate! Or maybe its cautioning you about the decoration hanging beside it. Warning! Dangerously oversized traditional Chinese knots ahead!

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

A warning sign from a Chinese gas station. Glad to see they’re covering all the bases. No matches, gas cans, sparks from metallic tool repairs, and most importantly no magic jackets.



Or is that static producing clothing (no matter how über-fashionable or yummy warm they may be)? Oh well as the ancient Chinese proverb goes, “better safe than static”. It sounds much more noble in the original Mandarin...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, snide

Another selection from the previously mentioned menu. Nothing says classic Beijing cuisine like roast pig’s knuckles, and nothing signifies classic pig’s knuckles quite like a pair of witch-hatted cloves of garlic. Obvious really...

Tags: super english force, disturbing mascots, chinglish, oddity, snide, food

A bold, farsighted quote from the ‘trendy’ menu section of a Beijing area restaurant. I’m guessing they are trying to say something like new recipes still need to taste good. I could get the characters properly translated, but why spoil the mystique? And as quotes go, it’s far more thought provoking this way. Although I can’t say it made their entrees taste any better...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor, food, chinglish

From the quickie mart store in Beijing. As someone who hates Gummi bears and other similar candy, I can’t speak to how long these things have been around, but I can speak to the uniquely unappetizing thought of eating a 12 inch long Gummi nightcrawler worm from a bucket. I didn’t check to see if they were packed in moist dirt like real nightcrawlers, though that would add undeniable authenticity...

Perhaps I’m not alone in my disgust, seeing as they had a veritable tower of the stuff sitting untouched for a week (on sale for 1/2 off to boot). The mind boggles at what the good folks at Gummi Works will think of next: how about a bucket of Gummi Small Intestines? 36 feet of chewilicious gummy joy! Or maybe a bucket of Gummi Meal Worms or Gummi Chum, to expand on their bait-as-candy motif...

Tags: food, oddity, snide, disturbing mascots, humor

A painting for sale at a mall in Beijing. Thats right, this abomination was being sold for money. Suffice it to say I don’t think they’ll have any takers, save for the infamous ‘Museum of Bad Art’ in Boston. The puzzling thing about this atrocity is that who or whatever painted it can actually paint, at least in the sense that they know how to blend colors etc. I hope they didn’t actually experience the acid trip it seems based on. Some interesting mutant animals must be scurrying around their subconscious: we have a four-eyed snail, a coatrack-like truffula tree, a magenta parasite(?), a razor-toothed robotic toucan, a leaf-crested worm dragon, and my personal favorite in the menagerie, a gecko with a French Tricolore sawtoothed tongue...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

My first post from our Chinese New Year trip to Beijing. A sign from the men’s room at the Great Wall site at Mutianyu. A beguiling phrase to be sure, but its location raises even more intriguing questions...





Does this mean urinals equal civilization? So... being close to the distance near them is... hmmm. I thought this plaque was perhaps misplaced, but they were dutifully posted above the other ten urinal stations as well. I must have been missing something all these years, just staring blankly ahead while I did my business, unaware that I was on the very cusp of progress...

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity, humor, chinglish

Yet another hot product from the lab over at Ancient Chinese Secrets (ok I made that up). Seems all you need to relieve joint pain and deterioration is a healthy dose of ‘golden bone ingots’, which will cause your various joints to veritably glow with health (see model on the right) - or does it electroplate your joints with actual gold? Who cares! They’re on sale!

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor

Another t-shirt from the aforementioned Comical Kids winter lineup. I have no idea what they are attempting here, but it does have a nice cadence to it... I guess. Perhaps this is what Sid Vicious used to greet the morning (or late afternoon) with each day: Crazy Music Rise and Shine!

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humor, snide

A boy’s t-shirt on sale at Sogo. ‘Comical Kids’ is the brand name, and they’ve got some great unintentional material here. Seems they are exhorting young boys to look ’towards the horizon’ for ‘courageous rivers’, just like in ’53. Who can forget the madcap tots who ventured forth on that ill-fated 1953 expedition to find the fabled river of bravery?

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, snide, humor

An ad for the latest diver watch from Omega. ‘Luxury’ watches are a thriving market here, with all the big name companies represented throughout HK. I was initially struck by off-key tagline. Do you have an oxygen tank - get it? ‘Cause its takes your breath away, and you need to breath underwater ‘cause there’s no air, and...

Anyway what really caught me is the added bonus listed below: not the 1200 meter water resistance (in case you ever develop the mutant ability to dive to 4000ft without a submersible) but rather the ‘sharkproof bracelet’. Honestly what good will that do you? Sure it’ll preserve the watch, but unfortunately the wrist its attached to won’t fare so well...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

Two products available in the window of a nearby gas station’s food mart. I was just going to post about the relative merits of dreamy pies: so dreamy, so pie-y. But then I noticed the O!Karto faux french fries. So O!-y, so karto-y... So I now have a conundrum: dreamy pie or O!Kartos? And then I saw the Lay’s Kyushi Seaweed potato chips beside them (hard to read I know). Decisions, decisions... oh who am I kidding - gotta go with dreamy pie! Though I would advise caution regarding Lott’s less popular dark chocolate option, Nightmare Cake...

Tags: food, snide, oddity, humor, chinglish

Another truly bizarre ad for the Food Forum restaurants at Times Square (note the ‘TS’ on the soldier’s helmet - nice touch). Apparently if you’re present, you are eligible for some super delicious food - in fact you’re authorized to ‘just take it, its yours!!!’ The juxtapositions here are mind boggling: the aforementioned WWII grunt with a huge fork strapped to his back, carrying a grocery bag overflowing with oddly matched fresh produce; the utterly nonsensical headline; the obnoxious impossible to read warped font (it’s actually called ‘hobo’ and is one of the ugliest fonts ever devised); the WWII British bomber crashlanding in the background, after narrowly missing the airdropped giant pumpkins; and last but not least, the Iraq/Afghanistan-era US troops in the foreground, all dutifully waiting for chowtime, also equipped with monstrous utensils. I guess they need the extra large silverware to get into the pumpkins?

So what does ANY of this have to do with the various restaurants of the Food Forum? Nothing! Just follow orders, soldier! And if anyone tries to impede you as you fill your duffel with a veritable cornucopia of pineapples, grapes and radishes, well just impale them with your army issue giant golden fork. Take it, its yours!

Tags: super english force, bizarre, oddity, snide, chinglish

The holiday installation at Times Square. I’d never heard of ‘crazymichael’ is and don’t much care about it to be honest. A cursory internets search revealed this:

Hong Kong vinyl pioneer Michael Lau returns with... Crazymichael, a character born out of Lau’s collaboration with Nike for the Air Force 1’s 25th anniversary back in 2008... 12” figures are priced at $1,999 HKD, with only 499 units being made available.

Yes that about $260 US for a toy. Nice work if you can get it. By the way the thirty foot tall crazymichael in the lobby has a rotating head, no doubt to further cement his crazy status (that’s supposed to be a straightjacket he’s wearing). There are a number of these figures festooning the lobby around the blue carpet, as well as more human size toys that look like mutant ‘70s NBA players, ’80s break dancers, and various other ‘kindergardners’(?)

Again what is impressive or disconcerting depending on your viewpoint is the absurd scale of all of this. The giant michael is complimented by 20 foot wide floating ‘thought bubbles’ rigged from the ceiling; the exterior installation has seven foot spray cans and two story assemblages of ‘hi my name is’ stickers. I included the one ‘subversive’ addition. Seems Michael Lau (or one of his devoted coterie of proteges’) included bullshit as a name. How naughty! How subversive! How crazy! Personally I like the mysterious ‘german f’ one myself...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

A t-shirt in Wanchai. Raises some interesting questions. If your idea is in fact dual-purpose - which I assume is a good thing - then why does it cause half your face to go negative? Or is that what a dual purpose face would look like? And is that good? Or even more important, is that fashionable?

Tags: oddity, super english force, snide, humor

Seems Burger King is now promoting outright adultery, tempting the ladies with the foul triumvirate of Misters Bacon, Cheese, and Pineapple(?). What woman can resist a foursome with these formidable paramours? What woman wouldn’t want three snazzy new tattoos declaring her rather crowded dalliance to the world? Have to say though that the tattoos should at least have a passing reference to well, bacon, cheese and pineapple, no? And don’t know what flowers and hearts have to do with any of them. But I guess in the grip of a four time cheatin’ heart, an already vulnerable gal may agree to anything. I just hope they don’t make her choose one over the other. My money’s on Mr. Bacon...

Tags: food, oddity, disturbing mascots, humor

A bus-stop poster near our apt. Its great to see the Red Cross and ‘Twin Bears’ team up for charity, but I the think ad campaign may have birthed an unfortunate (and no doubt unintentional) cross-reference. It seems each time I see the half bear/half pop idol face on the left, I’m reminded of Hitler. The teddy’s nose is the signature mustache, and the severely parted hair completes it. I though I was overreacting so to speak, but I’ve pointed this out to a few people and either they see it themselves right away or get it as soon as I mention it. I hope the image doesn’t subconsciously cause anyone to forgo donating. Then again it may cause a wholly unexpected spike in donations from nazis...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

A Hell O’Kitty installation here in HK. This one at Langham Place. Seems hello kitty has taken Britain by storm, not only assuming the throne, but taking over Parliament as well. Note how she’s replaced the beefeaters (under Big Ben) with her dead eyed minions. Even the tourists and jingoistic spice girl wannabes have fallen under her power. Have to say she looks pretty grand up there on the bridge though. Of course we’ll have to forego the ‘Hell O’Kitty’ tags now - can’t have an Irish name associated with the throne, not even as a joke. Oh well, the Windsors are actually German anyway, though having a Japanese monarch may taking some getting used to. And her latest proclamation - that all citizens must wear a red bow on the left side of their head and have whiskers tattooed on their cheeks - is already running into politely murmured opposition in the House of Lords...

Tags: humor, oddity, hello kitty, disturbing mascots, dark side of HK

A boy’s sweater for sale at a local HK clothier. It appears ‘The Hippies’, those world famous purveyors of Rock n’ Roll music and subliminal messaging, have sold out to the Man at last. Now their counterculture rockin’ vibe can be seen gracing the sweaters of 4 year olds everywhere. Note the small (hard to see) smiling crocodile mascot on the drum kit - nice touch. Of course The Hippies were famous for hiding obscure meanings and symbols in their records and album covers. In fact if you put this sweater on a vintage phonograph and play it backwards, you can just make out the phrase I buried ‘Paul’, aka the body double/impostor Hippy’s pet crocodile...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humor

Just when I think Pizza Hut can’t possibly outdo their previous abomination, they deliver again (no pun intended). Now you can ‘embrace the affection’ and heat up your holiday romance with a ring of molten cheese volcano pods, the perfect counterpoint to the garoupa fish chunks nestled on the ‘mothership’ pizza. And the exclusive logo - that’s some quality work right there, managing to tie ‘volcano’, cheese, and romance (note the swoopy calligraphy elements and elegant font) into one package. The only thing missing is a nod to the delicious garoupa nuggets...

Tags: super english force, food, oddity, bizarre, humor

Hey everybody, it’s the Frozen Bake truck! I can’t wait to get my hands on some delicious baguettes and croissants that bake in the freezer. How do they do it? Who cares! As long as I can enjoy a frosty yet steaming baked treat I’m happy...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

A bit of a throwaway post, but thought I’d include it for the hell of it. This the packaging for a suction cup hook. Because the vast majority of walls in HK are concrete (often reinforced), one can’t just nail into the wall as needed; in fact to mount anything remotely heavy you have to hire some guy with an industrial hammer drill to make properly deep holes. So people end up peppering their homes with ugly little concrete picture mounts, adhesive hooks, and suction holders like this. Anyway what struck me about this particular item isn’t the product itself but rather the bizarre ‘mascot’ on the left: note the hugely muscular arm where his nose should be - or is it shoved through a hole in his nose? He doesn’t seem bothered by it though, judging by his hearty smile and wink. Then again I’m sure they haven’t lost any sales over it: I need to get some extra-strong suction hooks for my bathroom, but look at the anatomically freakish mascot! I can’t possibly justify purchasing that. Perhaps this brand over here with a proper hook nose on their mascot; yes, this will do nicely...

Tags: oddity, bizarre, snide

It seems rushed epicureans now have the option to stop by Auntie Anne’s pretzel shack and grab a disconcertingly ramrod straight hotdog encased in pretzel dough. Welcome news to the harried gastronomical set. This may look like the logical extreme of ‘pigs in a blanket’ but it’s not. This is high class fare. It’s for epicureans - says so right there! Just look at those fancy frame corners, and that elegant flourish of calligraphy (which I assume is supposed to be steam coming of the end of the hot dog?) Mmm...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre, snide

A zany calendar at a bookstore here in HK. Tricky trunks indeed. Good to see that even rollerskating elephants take safety seriously - note the ‘elbow’ pads and helmet - both in adorable pink! Somehow I don’t see this working out so peachy in real life. Though I could see Tricky here turning on her tormentors and planting a well aimed 300 pound roller skate onto their chests as she tramples them on her way to that distant treeline...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

From a recent Hello Kitty promotion at CitySuper in Causeway Bay. Just when you think the folks at Sanrio (owners/perpetrators of the Hello Kitty phenomenon) have run out of products to slap the their ubiquitous icon onto, one runs into something like this. ‘Mi (heart) Food’ isn’t even close to actual Italian or English - but who cares? It has Hello Kitty on it! Honestly why anyone would be swayed to buy extra virgin olive oil and/or Italian fusilli or penne pasta because that disturbing blank eyed face is on the label is utterly beyond me. Then again the thought of buying anything with Hello Kitty slapped on it is beyond me, at least for anyone over the age of 9...

Tags: humor, oddity, snide, dark side of HK

A screenshot from a sports website(?). Seems the infamous McRib sandwich is making a comeback, and false tales of it’s lightning inducing (as opposed to its actual vomit-inducing) prowess are hittin’ the airwaves. I have to admit to trying one of these years (decades?) ago when it first came out, and it was one of the most disgusting, disquieting things i’ve ever eaten - which is saying something. It was a vaguely meatish lump stamped into a vaguely rib-rack shape - sans bones of course, slathered with ‘bbq’ sauce and onion bits. If ever there was a soylent green product on the market, this is it. For those of you who don’t know what soylent green is... its’ people! soylent green is people!

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, sad, snide, food

Another photo I managed to take during Halloween costume shopping. Seems the world famous ‘Unarmed Task Force’ has put out a set of kiddies anti crime handcuffs. I guess when you’re unarmed you use what you can. No word on how the task force manages to catch criminals before slapping these babies on though. Sarcasm? Stern language? Of course this being HK, they could use super power movies kung fu, like leaping up and running along the walls, igniting thieves hair with qi, etc. I just noticed the tiny crossed out handgun on the far left (under the H)...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

A magazine cover for Asian fashionistas. Apologies for the subtle starbucks sticker - can’t blame them for labeling their mags so people don’t walk off with them, although I don’t think they had to worry about this one being stolen. One would expect with a tagline of ‘Doctor Bag’ that they would display an actual, well, doctor’s bag, or at least a purse styled on the classic country doctor case, big and chunky with clasps and a handle etc. But apparently Doctor Bag has moved on to corsets made from aluminum gutter sections - or is that stove piping? Either way this has to be the most uncomfortable looking accessory I’ve ever seen; well top three at least. I assume Doctor Bag is male, as no woman would ever put a serrated border under the breast line. Or would they? After all, ‘beauty knows no pain’...

Tags: fashion, oddity, snide, humor

A quick post from our Halloween shopping excursion. I couldn’t get many pictures - the staff get very upset if you take photos, what with all the illegal knockoff toys etc, so apologies for the blur. Seems you can get your daughter that ‘elf ear’ she desperately needs to complete her freakish nun/maid/ninja/fox/elf combo anime’ costume. Silver just-so japanime’ wig not included, nor is the badass coquette anime’ attitude, or the age inappropriate latex jacket (unfortunately cut off here). Thankfully they do throw in two ears despite the tag. I have to say the expression on the model’s face is a bit much, especially considering she’s all or 4-5 years old. Hope she doesn’t get too attached to this look, and opt for surgery later...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

A funky/faux ironic t-shirt outfitter here in HK. I have to admit I was taken in by the sign and nonsensical tagline. Whose life are they referencing? Well, the Frozen Plasma set (obviously). The merchandise was a bit disappointing, though could’ve been worse. A lot of ‘50s Gulf product shots from the glory days of motoring, as well as Bruce Lee/Godzilla stuff that might’ve been edgy a decade ago. Of course none of really appealed to me (or came close to fitting - damn you, ‘asian XL’), but then again its not part of my life. Perhaps I don’t have an icy/fiery enough lifestyle to qualify...

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor, snide

Yet another mutant Pizza Hut creation. I assume they have these in the US, though the ‘Thousand Island Dressing’ option isn’t available. Yes, there is a Japanese pizza variant that substitutes thousand island for tomato sauce. Tastes worse than it sounds, if that’s possible. Anyway this it the latest in the amoebic budding crust motif, where you get a wheel of extra nuggets to pull from the mothership. And if having cheddar cheese (or pig in a blanket/mini dog) stuffing isn’t enough, there’s a handy cheddar dipping sauce to drive the point home. Apparently you can never have too much cheese, or too many calories...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, food

A pack of towels in a local housewares outlet. I have no idea what ‘milky extract’ has to do with ‘mints’, or what either has to do with towels. Actually I don’t think I want to know...

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor, snide

A fashion outlet in Wanchai. I’m not sure if they forgot the other letters, or if this really is the name. Well straight and to the point I suppose. Note there’s no asterisks afterward, so we can assume that the name isn’t a**hole for example. Upon closer inspection I noticed that in the lower left hand corner it says ‘to be continued’. Does that mean they will complete the name (and provide answers to all the cliffhangers from this season’s fashion mysteries) in another revelation packed installment down the street?

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity, humor

Yet another wall-sized fashionista billboard at the WTC building. Possibly a nod to the burgeoning Canadian population here. Seems Hip Sporty + Entertainment = 1+1ORE (MORE). And nothing says ‘hip sporty’ like diamond-studded inline skates, hockey stick and puck, flawlessly polished marble rink floors, and ‘50s throwback attire. At least I hope that’s marble; not sure if the local ad agency realizes that inline skates don’t particularly well on ice. Reminds me of ‘McKenzie’s Inline Hockey Palace’ in Toronto, before the infamous 1957 ‘inline vs. ice’ hockey riots...

Tags: fashionique, oddity, humor

A sunglass outlet in Causeway Bay. I’m not sure if this is a chain etc, but I have to say that ‘Murk and Tinted’ doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in their products. Unless you want a murky coating to compliment the ubiquitous tint...

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor

One of the many beauty centers shilling in HK, and the only one offering the V treatment - which apparently sharpens your chin into a fine point for a mere $1,000 HKD ($130 or so USD). Actually I wonder if the other evil doctors give Dr. Face crap about his moniker. I can imagine Dr. Evil and Dr. Shrinker snorting in contempt over pitchers of Lite at the local TGIFridays. To say nothing of Dr. Doom; but then again Dr. Doom is a bit sensitive about the whole face thing, seeing as his own is scarred beyond recognition (and is hidden behind a rather dated looking steel mask. You’d think a supergenius like him could fix his own face at least). Perhaps Dr. Face could give him the V treatment, maybe even help him lose that last 10 pounds. All for the low introductory price of $388...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

Just your typical hotel/fisherman’s soho high tea/sport bar/bridal teahouse/ hotel. Dime (tenpence?) a dozen here in HK. If only they catered to a more diverse clientele...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humor

A quick entry, from a Wanchai bargain clothing outlet. As I’ve said before, I rarely get a chance to photograph worthy t-shirts for posting, as they’re usually being worn at the time. This is by no means a top ten contender, but its odd enough to include here. After all, who wouldn’t want to be considered the Carbondale of the Advance Party. The Party is pretty particular about who gets to wear the name of their favorite city; not just any fashionista gets the honor...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

A cream puff outfit originating in Japan. Honestly who else would name a cream puff franchise - or anything for that matter - ‘beard papas?. Anyway they’ve been doing well for themselves, with a few branches here in HK; in fact I saw a branch in San Francisco last time we visited. I had seen their signs here but wanted to actually try one before I laid into them over the preposterous name. And I have to give them credit; yes it is a very silly name, and yes they have world class cream puffs. We went conservative and tried the original with chocolate. Far better than I expected, in fact the best cream puff/profiterole I’ve had here, or anywhere outside of Italy really. So they can keep the slightly creepy mascot and the odd name; just as long as they don’t change the recipe...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, food

Another ad from WTC in Causeway Bay. Presenting another must-have accessory: a purse full of champagne, to match your ever-present champagne flute. Though I have to say that i didn’t see any butlers carrying trays of refills when i was last down there. So unprofessional.

I suppose the idea is to simply dip your glass into your purse, or perhaps pour it out the side, though it looks like the latch will make that a messy proposition. Better to simply drink from it directly, ala wineskins of old, or use a straw? I hope the purse is insulated, as a mouthful of warmed champagne would ruin the whole fantasy; the additional note of hot vinyl would no doubt throw off the champagne’s delicately balanced flavors...

Tags: oddity, snide, bizarre

An ad from Neway, a huge kareoke chain here. We just spent a surreal afternoon there for an impromptu going away party. The utterly bizarre and completely unrelated accompanying videos are worth the trip: the vintage 80’s hairstyle are amazing, and ‘New York New York’ featured footage of Amsterdam and the Southwest. Can’t imagine it’s hard to get footage of NYC, but I digress.

Anyway this billboard features one of the strangest tuxes I’ve ever seen - I’m guessing its paint-splattered Mylar, the same material in those silver florist balloons, but who knows? Maybe its especially space fabric designed to allow our heartthrob here to execute hyperkinetic ubermoves while crooning along with the latest cantopop schmaltz. The fabric cuts down the friction, but our hero runs a dangerous risk of collapsing from heat stroke, as the material mimics those shiny weight-loss suits on late night cable, and all that extra sweat pours down into his equally bizarre rainbow tinged reverse-winged shoes...

Tags: fashion, fashionique, humor, oddity

A dance producer(?) in Wanchai. I guess ‘Bacchanalia Dance’ was already taken. Apparently they manufacture a myriad of wild dance feasts, from tap to hip hop, even ‘jazz funk’. Unsure of what kind of food to serve at your upcoming jazz technique wild feast? Well, these are the people to ask. I wonder if they do blood sacrifices as well, say during the average wild tap feast. Do they tap dance on the goats with razor tipped metal taps? Maybe they make the goats tap dance, after plying them with wine and... well whatever goats prefer to feast on. Exquisite kitchen scraps?

Tags: snide, super english force, oddity, humor

A window display for Chocoolate, a hipster brand here in HK. They usually have pretty eclectic advertising, and I’ll admit it got my attention, but in a what the hell is that supposed to mean? sense. The three eyes on Pinocchio are a bit disconcerting–and why use Pinocchio in the first place? Also the leaf growing from his nose doesn’t help clear up matters. Does that mean he’s lying, but in an environmentally responsible way?

Tags: bizarre, oddity, disturbing mascots, snide, humor

A bit of a throwaway posting, but I’m on vacation. A HK post office poster for sending things abroad, based on the tried and true ‘look a crazily oversized object!’ motif. I don’t know if this was an intentional inside joke or not, but there are still many who’d love to screw Japan over but good. Honestly though has anyone ever sent screws via the post office? My uncle needs some #24 philips head galvanized pronto - I better get down to the post office right away!

Tags: snide, oddity, humor

An HSBC ad in Happy Valley. I could ask what the Cantonese translation is for this, but its much more fun to imagine that both these poor gentlemen are patiently fishing for the same fish. Unfortunately for them, they live about 7,000 miles apart. I suppose that fish must exceptionally quick; still one of these men will be going home empty handed...

Tags: oddity, humor, snide

An ad from WTC in Causeway Bay. The developers have spared no expense in promoting their mall, from 3 story high billboards to exclusive fashion shoots. But they've really outdone themselves here. Presenting the ultimate matching accessory for a bling belt - an electric guitar with another bling encrusted belt fused onto the fretboard. A bit awkward to carry around all day, and obviously you can't play it, but as the saying goes, beauty knows no pain. Beauty also knows virtually nothing about actually playing guitar; one can imagine the shredded fingertips after a session with this monstrosity. Of course you'd have to string it first....

Tags: fashion, fashionique, oddity

A product shot sent over by my friend Mark (sorry, can't call you mate as I'm American). Good news for women afflicted with a smile that makes them look like they have mild case of diarrhea, or have just committed a minor faux paus (see below). Because now there's... Beauty Smile Trainer, an exciting new technology from Japan, the world leader in flesh toning contraptions, and products that look like sex toys, but with no obvious application. Two tapered ends?

But I digress. Seems all the weak smile sufferer has to do is place this bar in their mouth(?) and diligently work their underdeveloped smile muscles, and viola'. I assume that you need to be careful not to overdo it, lest you end up looking like Jack Nicholson as the Joker, or even worse, Julia Roberts...

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity, bizarre

A clothier in Causeway Bay. I've walked under this sign a thousand times and only just noticed tagline. Soul Room wasn't odd enough for inclusion here, but 'for your conscious living' puts it over the top, especially when combined with a double ellipse (adds a touch of mystery......). But where does one find cutting edge fashions for unconscious living?

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

One of the many slimming centres here in HK. Most offer the usual wraps or kneading machines. But for a mere $888 HKD (wow three 8s - so lucky! What a coincidence!) Perfect Shape Club unveils Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lipolysis™. Certainly sounds impressive; actually rather intimidating. Definitely don't want this kind of technology in the wrong hands. What if terrorists were able to remove your body fat from the outside? Well I suppose they wouldn't be very effective terrorists...





I couldn't find any additional explanations for the procedure, except that the 'shock wave type is electromagnetic'. But as usual the Cantonese website provided some other priceless translations. Seems Perfect Shape will be offering product stations at various local malls, where spokesmodels can be seen "...playing hula hoop and jump rope...

There'll also be "more on Breast Ho Ching magic solution." I wonder if they'll be applying that down at the mall? I'm sure they'd have a few male volunteers...

They use a patented 'Stovepipe approach' to slimness, with a 'banana diet can be used Lai!' 'The focus of this banana diet is breakfast any bananas from time restrictions, is that simple! ... a lot of Women with fat because of gastrointestinal or bad, Just think, food... (Wow. Just think, food... so zen).

And finally they 'will provide 6 large overeating obesity for overeating caused by large accumulation of fat induced obesity(?). And for the more stubborn cases, the promise that 'Miss Yip's [will lean into the] power cases...'

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

A combo special from our friends at Pepperoni's, the recently defunct(?) pizza place here in Happy Valley. Not a combination you'd find in the US (of anywhere else I can think of, save New Zealand). Still the shank certainly looks appetizing, and at $150 HKD (20 US) its quite a bargain - assuming we're talking a decent sized shank here - we are?- well alright then. Perhaps in the future they'll just drop the shank on top of the pizza. Hard to fit in a pizza box though...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

A ladies' fashion outlet in North Point. An entire store dedicated to accidental fashions, like putting on an 80's hot pink blazer, hip waders and a sombrero simultaneously. Oops! Look what I just threw together! Perhaps they have an entire rack of mustard or tomato sauce stained clothing, or with prefab stains printed right into the fabric. Oops! Got mustard on my blouse... gotcha! Have to admit you remember their name if nothing else...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

A window ad in Central. I didn't get a chance to cross the street and check it out, but I did check the internets later. Seems Diesel has gone with an full bore campaign based on the memorable tag line "Be Stupid"...



They even suggest several acts of rank stupidity, such as this gem:



One can only hope that their clientele don't really try stepping into oncoming cars with a traffic cone over their heads, but who knows? Perhaps getting struck by an SUV (or even better a Mini Cooper) in the name of fashion by is smartest/stupidest way to insure immortality, to truly be 'tragically hip'...

Tags: fashion, advertising, oddity, snide

A poster in Times Square exhorting us to go! go! go! get some GI rations upstairs pronto. Just fall in with the cutlery-wielding Marines as they charge hellbent over pumpkin-laced minefields (or provide suppression fire from behind giant mutant cabbages). And all with air cover provided by fearsome pickled corn cobs(?). I honestly don't know which WWII movie this is trying to reference, but it apparently won all kinds of awards at Cannes - just look at all those wreathes!

Tags: oddity, super english force, snide, humor

A sign in Causeway Bay for a breast enlargement supplement, the famed 'Night Bomber G'. Yes now all you small breasted women can utilize the power of modern science to 'reposition your arm and back fat into your breast tissue' and activate your 'lact gene receptors', thus increasing your bra size from B to G overnight.



No really - says so right there on the internet, and they have the scientific terms to prove it. From some other online ad copy: "Saggy Breasts?? If you are one of the millions of women who suffer from the embarassment of small breasts, then Night Bomber can change your life. Impact occurs when you are sleeping; From a well-known study, It is making the extra fat from the back and arms to move to the bust... when the bust rise hormone is discharged and it awakens." Note the handy arrows below which illustrate how and where the fat is moving. Seems to have worked wonders in this case...



More hard medical backup follows:" ...not can be satisfied with just that, you observe to also the “lact gene receptor”... 3 completion long hormones of L-[orunichin], L-[ariginin] and the gabardine (gabardine?) stimulating from inside the bust, it assures volume rise. While sleeping, making the lact gene receptor expand in the mammary gland, it is the mechanism which becomes enormous..."

Well there you have it. A watertight scientific proof of how it works. My personal favorite ingredient is 'gabardine'. Apparently in addition to providing dapper suit fabric, it stimulates bust interiors as well. Who knew? Well Night Bomber G scientists, thats who...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humorous

An intriguing chinglish phrase adorning the back of a shopper in Wanchai. Naf naf league is a French(?) designer label, though the only products I could find online were on ebay and charity gift sites. Oh well. Definitely a catchy name, though, and the phrase 'takeachance with naf naf league' just has a nice cadence to it. Or maybe its a nod to the infamous ABBA song, and its diabolical take a chance, take a chance, take a chance chance chance background chant - which of course will now be stuck in my head all day...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity

A popular shampoo used by starlets and wannabes throughout HK. I was going to file this under 'Super English Force' as yet another poor choice of product name, but this is really is mane and tail shampoo. For horses.



From the company website:



One of the odder splash pages you'll come across. Honestly how many companies give personal and animal care options? Also I love the little horse name in the lower right hand corner: Anton 343; interesting name for a horse. Does he know Andre 3000? Sadly the model didn't get her name up too. Anyway more from the website FAQ: Mane ‘n Tail products were originally developed for horses. Horse owners reported seeing significant improvement in the health and appearance of their horses’ manes and tails. Similar results were seen when horse owners and groomers used the products on themselves (wouldn't you?). This was the beginning of the Mane ‘n Tail legend. They also have a nail care solution called Hoofmaker, So not only can you get lustrous shine with Mane n' Tail, but you can also clean up those split nails after a hard day of riding and/or wagon pulling...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre

From a web sidebar ad. Seems Santa prefers a lighter smoke after a long eve of deliveries. Understandable considering he's already weighed down by several million cookies and gallons of spiked eggnog; just needs to unwind a bit after his hectic night. This is the one night when Mrs. Claus won't begrudge a cig at least. It is toasted after all...

Tags: oddity, snide, humor

A bus-side ad for the latest in slimming technology from Dr. Renew, the 'Yumi Skinjet'. The web translation claims it utilizes 'French pressure Tut new radio technology (!) without needles, recognized and awarded by the U.S. FDA, American scientists patent awards, SKINJET to speed in 0.01 seconds, between the moment the essence of liquid mist into the skin in depth from 3.2 to 9.1 mm underlying the skin, skin can be completely absorbed.'

Well if it has American scientists working on it, it must be safe! I guess the depth of the 'essence of liquid mist' is key here - deadly over 9.2mm, but Dr. Renew is a trusted professional and knows his way around a French pressure Tut radio. Still why not go one better? How about a 'Belgian Ramses hyperwind tunnel' generating Mach 5 airspeeds, forcing the subcutaneous fat cells into a slimmer, more aerodynamic shape? Or not...

Tags: chinglish, oddity, snide

A sign for a wedding/image consultant in Causeway Bay. Yet another case of nifty words haphazardly strung together for maximum effect. Still its true that a tri-chromatic cohering extravaganza combined with a paraphrasis can really kick your wedding up a notch...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humorous

A romantic comedy here in HK. I haven't (and never will, to be honest) see this movie, so I can't attest to its merits. I've seen commercials though, and from what I can gather, the guy buys cigarettes from a 7-11, and his suave smoking becomes a metaphor for whimsical romance - or something. Again what got my attention was the name - one of those titles that makes you wonder if the translator is having some fun at his clients expense. Love in a jiffy? an eyeblink? Love of righteous weed? Of secondhand smoke?

Tags: oddity, chinglish, snide

A Chinese knockoff I stumbled across in North Point. Yet another case of someone with just enough knowledge of English to be dangerous. Sure 'mountain range' is potentailly apropos for a camo backpack, and 'sphinx label' certainly has a touch of ancient mystery (if not modern coherence), but calling your product 'NOT...' is bit confusing. Not... what? Quality? Good for backpacking? Bulletproof? Still they are technically correct: this pack is NOT a mountain range...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humor

A fashion/luxury/lifestyle magazine here in HK. There are a ton of these publications here in HK, though this one has the most unique name i've come across. I assume they were going for a nifty play on 'lux', but splux sounds like sexual slang for the byproduct from an unmentionable sex act. Seem this issue highlights that 'legend of glory' himself, one Bruce Rockowitz(?). Never heard of him, but then I'm not into splux...

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor

I don't often get a chance to take shots of chinglish/english mutilation t-shirts here, as usually they are being, well, worn at the time. And rarely does the word generation approach the sublime level exhibited here. Seems they hit upon a positive theme at least, with heckuva (mispelled) gee whiz and celestial all being upbeat, though i love the musing shakespearean ending. Whatever betide my friends, whatever betide...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humorous

This from the Nature Garden complex on Ma Wan Island, next to the more famous Noah's Ark attraction (who knew the ark was here under a bridge this whole time, and not on the slopes of Mt. Arrarat?). Anyway this is part of a well-intentioned green energy section of the park, complete with windmills and solar panels. Seems they decided to include methane production as well. So we have happy eco-critters(?) in hard hats, a hazard-taped cutaway container, whorls of feces, and some bewildered amoebic figures representing the methane producing bacteria. They look surprised to be there, perhaps wondering what evil they perpetrated to deserve this karmic fate. Note the pyro critter on top with the match, and the one holding his nose and tearing up from the stench below. I'm all for educating the kinder about green energy, but I'm afraid this one needs some work. Granted its a tall order to make methane production interesting to children (or anyone really), but a cutaway jar full of plastic manure and fart gas isn't going to cut it. No pun intended...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

A bus stop billboard from Jessica, a fashion mag here in HK. Still not sure if its named after HK starlet Jessica (like Oprah's O magazine in the US) or if they just decided that its a trendy sounding moniker. Anyway I was struck by the '480 must haves'. One cannot get by with a mere 479 essentials. And no such list is complete without a 'White BIble'. I assume this is a guide to wearing white, but perhaps its a guide to acting white, complete with mayonnaise recipes, outdated street slang, ideal wrangler jeans/college sweatshirt combinations, and the location of every TGIFriday's in the contiguous 48 states...

Tags: humor, chinglish, oddity, humorous, snide

A flyer from SOGO, the venerable Japanese department here in Causeway Bay. This is for one of their semiannual beauty product promotions, the 'spring beauty fair'. Apparently they will not only make you perfect, but your spouse/boyfriend as well, whether he wants it or not. While you're getting the Lancome' cyber-whitening, Bobbi Brown mascara match (you are such an Autumn!) and gold leaf/seaweed slim wrap, he's getting a brutal facial scrub with fist-sized Icelandic pumice, then a hearty backwaxing with authentic Brazilian beeswax, followed by forced shin implants - sorry dear, but princes are supposed to be tall. And of course there's the electroshock Pavlovian therapy to ween him of ESPN and Playstation; all the more time for listening - really listening - to your detailed constructive criticisms...

Tags: snide, oddity, humor

A bus side ad for yet another diet/slimming product here in HK. There is huge business in slimming products and treatments here, involving various exotic creams and questionable procedures, but this has to take top spot (for brand name recognition if nothing else). Hard to beat 'diligent fungus', even if the thought of willingly applying a relentless mold on your skin is more than a bit unsettling...



I've yet to find a better street shot, but I did manage to find this web banner ad. Seems Jen here depends on it to loose 20 lbs. in one month. Wow - that is miraculous. One hopes that she means 20 pounds of fat, and not, say, internal organs or brain tissue. Hate to have a bunch of 'invasion of the bodysnatcher' types shuffling about HK, pointing at chubby ladies who obviously haven't succumbed and unleashing that unearthly scream...

Tags: humor, fashion, oddity, dark side of HK

A billboard advertising milk from the mainland. Of course its highly unlikely that such verdant pastures exist anywhere in China; and while 'ecological grassland' sounds vaguely positive, it doesn't actually mean anything. Also considering China's infamous plastic additive (melamine) scandal, when the Chinese throw words like ecological around, one should be very wary. Still I have to give credit to the poor sods who had to photoshop the 'dairy cow' clouds (having done this once myself with the old AOL logo, i can attest that its a real pain in the ass to make clouds look both 'realistic' and recognizable as something else). But perhaps the bovine guardian spirits really are watching over this precious patch of idyllic green, and the photographer just got lucky...

Tags: satire, humor, oddity, disturbing mascots

A condiment pack from our friends at Dragon Air, a local HK/mainland carrier. Their food is pretty bad, even by airline food standards - actually even by chinese airline standards. Still they do get offsetting credit for choice of condiments - hard to top coconut tree god lantern hot pepper sauce (which my wife assures me is the correct translation from the mandarin above). In the interest of science i tried it - decent enough as hot sauces go, but i wonder if the coconut tree god would be proud of his worshippers...

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor

A shop window ad in Causeway Bay. I guess the folks at Kozy Corners (why didn't they spell corners with a k? - good question) felt they needed to add some energy to their soporific storefront. They're now exhorting customers to rise up and 'seize the comfort'. Yes, grab some prime Pier 1 bric-a-brac with both hands and ride that krazy kozy wave...

Tags: humor, oddity, chinglish

This real estate ad is unfortunately rather hard to read, but the tagline is 'masterpiece for the mastermind'. Seems they're trying to corner the local market on masterminds (and art aficionados, as masterminds often have expensive tastes). This is going to be a hard sell though - masterminds tend to want their own private HQ in a hollowed out volcano or refitted Latvian castle, rather than share space with the competition. Or maybe thats the point; the line does say 'mastermind' singular, so perhaps they're hoping to persuade a single supercriminal or evil scientist to take advantage of a readymade citadel. You supply the minions of course, but they supply the missile launch pad, deathray bay, and swimming pool - ready to stock with your own mutant sharks. Saltwater of course; and yes its hard to maintain and pricey, but no expense has been spared. Hell you can afford it - you're a mastermind...

Tags: chinglish, humor, oddity

A diet/slimming product here in HK, one of many. I'm assuming they mean 'bomb' as in destroy the fat, but the idea of a bomb of fat is unsettling. Really unsettling. Still it apparently qualifies for the 'No. 1' anthropomorphic thumb, making it the top-selling fat bomb on the market...

Tags: super english force, humor, oddity

A climbing outfit in Yangshuo. Seems Spiderman has a nice side business going for when he needs a break from the big city. For those who know climbing, there are some impressive climbs here, with a number of established 5-12+ routes readily accessible. Personally I would think twice about using this guy though. Sure he's a trusted crimefighter, selfless protector of innocent bystanders, and obviously he's knows his stuff, but he can climb any surface unassisted for chrissake. Imagine going out to the nearest karst and having Spidey scoot up a sheer wall with ease, then drop four stories, land in a fighting crouch, dust off his hands, then turn to you smiling and say 'OK, now you try it'...

Tags: humor, oddity, snide, super english force

A subway poster in Admiralty, announcing the 'International WOW Magic on Earth II' . Seems one show couldn't contain all the WOW. The name qualifies it for easy inclusion here - though Mr. Magic's mullet and silver blouse take a close second.



I later looked this extraganza up on the internets, and found a trove of wow-inducing (if somewhat disturbing) pickin's. First off there's the tagline:

7 Magic Masters Made You Feel The WOW Once In Your LIFE (I guess having sex, falling in love, etc don't actually produce WOW for most people; kind of sad actually...)

And the 7 Masters each have their own uniquely worded story as well. A few selections from the program guide:

Escape from Reality; He’s cool. She’s even cooler. The two meet in the magic arena. Only one can be the winner. So guess what’s next. (Death by... cooling?)

Story of High Heel; A magician with a heart full of love. A pair of high heels. A romantic story is about to begin. (I really hope this isn't a shoe fetish thing...)

"He" is in a Bar; This ‘guy’ in the Magic Bar – what will he serve up next? (I really don't know what to do with this one. Is 'he' a she? Does that magically influence his/her bartending somehow?)

And the best of the bunch - Moments with Mr. Magic; Mr. Magic would WOW you with the Wondrous World of Wonders. (A whole new take on www...)

The site also provided some choice bio information on our WOW-ists. I had no idea Magic had so many championships, certificates, and awards. Here are just a few:

...awarded twice in the World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and has a Master’s Degree in the F.F.F.F. Original Close-up Magic Convention USA...

...the first Japanese to win the Magic Manipulation World Championship in World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and the Golden Lion Award in Las Vegas...

and finally Mr. Magic's CV: He is the only complete conjurer in Hong Kong... the only magician in Asia held AIMC Silver Star membership of the British Magic Circle and the only Hong Kong magician featured in Hollywood Magic Castle in the US... has a Bachelor Degree in the Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic Original Close-up Magic Convention...

Both the magic circle and the magic castle? But - but how? Ahh yes, magic. And yes thats 'Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic'. Think about that for a second. OK that's enough...

Tags: chinglish, oddity, satire

A music/movie outlet in TST; the name pretty much says it all. There are tons of DVD places like this here, all suspiciously similar, though this one really is quite cheap (maybe not such a bad name after all). They have the all usual cantopop available - note the 'Love Mi' poster (more on her later), as well as the latest hong kong martial arts blockbuster 'bodyguards and assassins' (make up your minds gentlemen, you can't be both). Ironically that DVD is outrageously overpriced....

Tags: super english force, snide, chinglish, oddity

The airport bar at the new airport in Guilin China. Seems they're hoping to cater to a... burgeoning Irish population? Unfortunately they have a few of the specifics wrong; generally shamrocks are not purple, and generally Irishmen don't eat rice noodles. They do have Guinness however, which easily counterbalances these minor points. Actually having Guinness counterbalances the just about everything...

Tags: super english force, oddity

You may have seen these insufferable (and insanely expensive) porcelain figures. Apparently they are a US franchise, though I've only seen them in asia. Anyway the basic premise is sad-puppy eyed toddler combined with hallmark card schlock (note the heart carved into the tree stump - which can be customized I'm told). They have several outlets in high-end malls here, allowing older customers an option beyond anime, hello kitty and pokemon merchandise.



Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity, humor

A toy from Guilin. Usually the mainland toy knock-offs try to get close to the copied product (enough for allusion if nothing else), but I suppose these guys aren't taking any chances with infringement. So rather than go for Transformingers or Optimum Primus Trucker, they've decided to go with the baffling moniker 'Variety King Kong'. If nothing else they're sure to throw the lawyers off the scent with this one...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity

From a diet supplement package here in HK. The good people at 'slim partner' have hit upon an exciting slimming aid - 'natural functional body fluid'. Unfortunately the closely related term 'bodily fluids' carries rather negative connotations in the US, usually something from a crime scene or unseemly sex act. It is 'natural' and 'functional' though, so thats good(?). Perhaps its best that the ingredients are listed in Chinese...

Tags: super english force, oddity, dark side of HK

A poster for 'Dream Wedding - Leon Live in Macao 2010'. Leon is a cantopop (HK's own brand of sickly sweet pop/R&B) uberlegend. From his website promo:
Lai first broke in to the Asian entertainment scene as the second runner-up in the 1986 New Talent Singing Awards. A record contract followed, as did fame when his debut album 1990s Meet the Rain went gold. Success followed with a series of chart-topping releases among them the award-winning single Not One Day I Dont Think of You... Lai was later crowned one of the 'Four Heavenly Kings of Canto-pop'...
Seems he's tired of ruling heaven (or a quarter of it at least), and is back on the comeback trail; he's decided to usher in 2010 with a 'dream wedding' tour. Unfortunately Leon's dreams appear to involve razors, disembodied female body parts (bleeding paint all over everything, even on his otherwise immaculate tux). Other highlights include flights of fighter jets and WWII bombers, ferris wheels, headless poledancers, and a truly disturbing female torso equiped with a camera simulating male genitalia. Yow. Don't know what to do with that one. Anyway I think I'll stick to tamer fare, like a Heironymous Bosch painting, or maybe one of those quaint Saw movies...

Tags: oddity, satire, snide

An ad from one of the soccer sites I occasionally peruse. Seems for a mere $USD 69.95 you can get the '#1 personal protection body armour for the world cup 2010'. Nothing says 'sit back and relax' quite like the constant chafing presence of a bulky kevlar vest. You'll soon forget you're wearing it! No doubt you'll also soon forget to look behind you every 2.4 seconds for possible kidnappers, or check everyone's hands within 150 sq meters, or triangulating sniper positions, or vaguely bulging bags, or those suspicious (and admittedly damned annoying) plastic trumpets, or half drunk cups of beer placed 'accidentally' beside you.. just relax and enjoy the game!

Tags: fashionique, oddity

An American web ad promoting the arts. I'm all for increasing exposure and arts education in the US (which in general is woefully underfunded etc) but 'raisin brahms'? Not going to resonate with the kinder I'm afraid. This smacks of 'seemed like a good idea at the time' brainstorming. Maybe the boss came up with this 'clever' pun, and no one could countermand them; then again 'feed your kids the Arts!" isn't exactly lighting up the sky either...

Tags: super english force, oddity

While browsing the local Toys 'R Us, I happened upon the interestingly named iFairy ('graceful and efficient', with 'super wide infrared control' no less - certainly sounds impressive). Seems they're jumping on the "i - clever product name" bandwagon a bit late. Unfortunately doesn't really look like a fairy, and definitely not a cyber-enchanced i-pixie. One would expect futuristic metallic wings, or at least a USB connector...



Also upon closer inspection, I noticed it looks suspiciously like the iBird a few boxes down. Hmmm. Now a cynic would say that the iFairy is just the iBird with 'fairy' coloring and pink packaging. A cynic mind you...

Tags: super english force, oddity

A small 'hallway' store in Causeway Bay. Interesting name, but judging by the empty hooks, I guess they didn't have much style yesterday either...

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

A game in the local Toys 'R Us - Mind Attack Spider Game. Not sure how you play exactly, but apparently if you hit the spider robot with your infrared laser, it 'screams and falls'. Not for the faint of heart. One can only imagine the chronic nightmares visited upon some unfortunate, overly imaginative seven year old: trapped in the middle of a sprawling spider's web; assaulted by endless waves of demonic cyborg arachnids (who scream in unearthly rage when you do manage to hit one of them); but they're just too many of them, and the nicad batteries in your tiny infrared laster pistol are running low... Perhaps 'Mind F*ck' would be better.

Tags: super english force, oddity

A nice little gem I caught on the ESPN(?) sports page; a breaking banner headline concerning American baseball. Seems the St. Louis Cardinals have agreed to a seven-year, $120 million (USD) deal with... the St. Louis Cardinals. This according to consummate insider John Heyman (just the kind of info only a seasoned, well-connected reporter like him could unearth). A truly stunning development. Apparently a Mr. Holliday will also get a 'full no-trade clause' thrown in. I assume the Cardinals have also agreed in principle not to trade... the Cardinals?

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity

A pair of socks for sale at a stall in North Point. I hope this one is intentional, as its pretty cheeky (as sock names go anyway). Of course thats assuming you know what 'hootchie cootchie' means; in the US at least its dated slang for having sex, originally the name of a ribald faux belly dance craze in the late 1800s. Anyway it seems the good people at Wai Shun Socks Knitting Factory (Ltd) want you to have said sex with your socks on, which would obviously be great for business. According to their sales blurb online, these socks are 'ladies computerised patterned... unique designed socks with smooth and soft feeling... easy to match with various dress code'. I guess if your dress code consists of just socks, then yes they do match rather well...

Tags: super english force, fashionique, oddity

A somber billboard for PageOne (arguably the best english-language bookstore in HK). Read every day - Even if you read books every day, you'll still never finish reading all the books in the world - but do make it a ritual. What's the point here exactly? Of course you'd never finish all the books in the world; this sounds more like don't bother, or what the hell, stave off the inevitable. I could understand a do not go gently into that good night inspirational tone, or even so read what you love vibe, but this makes it all sound rather overwhelming and pointless, like do brush your teeth, even though they'll all decay and rot out of your head regardless...



It reminds me of those death countdown clocks that used to pop up in airline catalogues, usually in 'the sharper image' or similar executive toy section. They would digitally display your statistical time of death as a 'reminder' to get things done. Or to not bother...

Tags: super english force, oddity

A sign in Wanchai advertising the sizes available at a local fashion outlet. For those who've wondered where those unfortunate 1,000 pounders get their clothes, perhaps here's your answer. I've had to buy XXL here on occasion (the 'Asian XL', as they call it here, is actually between to a M and L in the US). So even assuming US sizes, if you weigh over 500 lbs. your sh*t out of luck. I think this signage may backfire though; can't imagine a plus-size clientele appreciate the ever-expanding size of the Xs...

Tags: fashionique, oddity

PIzza Hut's latest mutant pizza idea - seems cheese injected into a hollow tube crust wasn't pushing the envelope far enough. Now we have StarzBites! I haven't seen one of these abominations in person, but apparently its a crust with 18 individual 'bites' attached like spokes, each stuffed with a 2-tone cheese stick (note the z-shaped flourish on top - nice touch - very starzy). The actual pizza is topped with scallops, peaches, pineapple, 'embedded' sausage slices, 'intertwining' mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, and 'innovative' miracle island sauce (thousand island dressing being a common alternative to tomato sauce here in HK and in Japan). Hell who wouldn't want to partake of such a multi-faceted, multi-dimensional treat, if only to be a part of history? I'm feeling more starzy just by looking at it. As for the name, what else are you going to call it? Spokeybites? Sporez?

Tags: food, oddity, super english force

If you've ever wondered where the place is - the original location that spawned the now time-worn expression - well now you have your answer. Apparently its been in a strip mall in Malaysia all this time. Who knew? Its also an 'overtime cafe & lounge', so if you've just pulled an extra shift at work, just swing by Borneo for a quick bite or pick me up...

Tags: super english force, oddity, food

A window poster from the Head Shop 2, a salon I've posted on before. Seems now they're offering would-be snipers a chance to take out a pesky special forces kitty with a head shot. He's apparently infiltrated their 'shine' product line, and is taking cover behind the 'silk fusion' conditioner. I like the little helmet, but the cat-sized M1 automatic rifle really kicks this up a notch. He may be good, but as you can see by the tracking crosshairs, his counterinsurgency days are numbered...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre

This is a 3D puzzle(?) sold in Wanchai. A bit hard to read, but its officially 'revolving pavilion, palace of westminster. I was unaware that Westminster Palace had a revolving pavilion; must be for the Queen's private use. I googled it later, and its actually from Poland; and here I thought this was another case of a Chinese marketing guy ginning up more nonsensical (but impressive sounding) English combinations. My apologies to the many Chinese marketing guys who peruse this site. Love the crowned 'R' and full moon, though...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre