A music/movie outlet in TST; the name pretty much says it all. There are tons of DVD places like this here, all suspiciously similar, though this one really is quite cheap (maybe not such a bad name after all). They have the all usual cantopop available - note the 'Love Mi' poster (more on her later), as well as the latest hong kong martial arts blockbuster 'bodyguards and assassins' (make up your minds gentlemen, you can't be both). Ironically that DVD is outrageously overpriced....

Tags: super english force, snide, chinglish, oddity

The airport bar at the new airport in Guilin China. Seems they're hoping to cater to a... burgeoning Irish population? Unfortunately they have a few of the specifics wrong; generally shamrocks are not purple, and generally Irishmen don't eat rice noodles. They do have Guinness however, which easily counterbalances these minor points. Actually having Guinness counterbalances the just about everything...

Tags: super english force, oddity

You may have seen these insufferable (and insanely expensive) porcelain figures. Apparently they are a US franchise, though I've only seen them in asia. Anyway the basic premise is sad-puppy eyed toddler combined with hallmark card schlock (note the heart carved into the tree stump - which can be customized I'm told). They have several outlets in high-end malls here, allowing older customers an option beyond anime, hello kitty and pokemon merchandise.



Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity, humor

A toy from Guilin. Usually the mainland toy knock-offs try to get close to the copied product (enough for allusion if nothing else), but I suppose these guys aren't taking any chances with infringement. So rather than go for Transformingers or Optimum Primus Trucker, they've decided to go with the baffling moniker 'Variety King Kong'. If nothing else they're sure to throw the lawyers off the scent with this one...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity

From a diet supplement package here in HK. The good people at 'slim partner' have hit upon an exciting slimming aid - 'natural functional body fluid'. Unfortunately the closely related term 'bodily fluids' carries rather negative connotations in the US, usually something from a crime scene or unseemly sex act. It is 'natural' and 'functional' though, so thats good(?). Perhaps its best that the ingredients are listed in Chinese...

Tags: super english force, oddity, dark side of HK

A poster for 'Dream Wedding - Leon Live in Macao 2010'. Leon is a cantopop (HK's own brand of sickly sweet pop/R&B) uberlegend. From his website promo:
Lai first broke in to the Asian entertainment scene as the second runner-up in the 1986 New Talent Singing Awards. A record contract followed, as did fame when his debut album 1990s Meet the Rain went gold. Success followed with a series of chart-topping releases among them the award-winning single Not One Day I Dont Think of You... Lai was later crowned one of the 'Four Heavenly Kings of Canto-pop'...
Seems he's tired of ruling heaven (or a quarter of it at least), and is back on the comeback trail; he's decided to usher in 2010 with a 'dream wedding' tour. Unfortunately Leon's dreams appear to involve razors, disembodied female body parts (bleeding paint all over everything, even on his otherwise immaculate tux). Other highlights include flights of fighter jets and WWII bombers, ferris wheels, headless poledancers, and a truly disturbing female torso equiped with a camera simulating male genitalia. Yow. Don't know what to do with that one. Anyway I think I'll stick to tamer fare, like a Heironymous Bosch painting, or maybe one of those quaint Saw movies...

Tags: oddity, satire, snide

An ad from one of the soccer sites I occasionally peruse. Seems for a mere $USD 69.95 you can get the '#1 personal protection body armour for the world cup 2010'. Nothing says 'sit back and relax' quite like the constant chafing presence of a bulky kevlar vest. You'll soon forget you're wearing it! No doubt you'll also soon forget to look behind you every 2.4 seconds for possible kidnappers, or check everyone's hands within 150 sq meters, or triangulating sniper positions, or vaguely bulging bags, or those suspicious (and admittedly damned annoying) plastic trumpets, or half drunk cups of beer placed 'accidentally' beside you.. just relax and enjoy the game!

Tags: fashionique, oddity

An American web ad promoting the arts. I'm all for increasing exposure and arts education in the US (which in general is woefully underfunded etc) but 'raisin brahms'? Not going to resonate with the kinder I'm afraid. This smacks of 'seemed like a good idea at the time' brainstorming. Maybe the boss came up with this 'clever' pun, and no one could countermand them; then again 'feed your kids the Arts!" isn't exactly lighting up the sky either...

Tags: super english force, oddity

While browsing the local Toys 'R Us, I happened upon the interestingly named iFairy ('graceful and efficient', with 'super wide infrared control' no less - certainly sounds impressive). Seems they're jumping on the "i - clever product name" bandwagon a bit late. Unfortunately doesn't really look like a fairy, and definitely not a cyber-enchanced i-pixie. One would expect futuristic metallic wings, or at least a USB connector...



Also upon closer inspection, I noticed it looks suspiciously like the iBird a few boxes down. Hmmm. Now a cynic would say that the iFairy is just the iBird with 'fairy' coloring and pink packaging. A cynic mind you...

Tags: super english force, oddity

A small 'hallway' store in Causeway Bay. Interesting name, but judging by the empty hooks, I guess they didn't have much style yesterday either...

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

A game in the local Toys 'R Us - Mind Attack Spider Game. Not sure how you play exactly, but apparently if you hit the spider robot with your infrared laser, it 'screams and falls'. Not for the faint of heart. One can only imagine the chronic nightmares visited upon some unfortunate, overly imaginative seven year old: trapped in the middle of a sprawling spider's web; assaulted by endless waves of demonic cyborg arachnids (who scream in unearthly rage when you do manage to hit one of them); but they're just too many of them, and the nicad batteries in your tiny infrared laster pistol are running low... Perhaps 'Mind F*ck' would be better.

Tags: super english force, oddity

A nice little gem I caught on the ESPN(?) sports page; a breaking banner headline concerning American baseball. Seems the St. Louis Cardinals have agreed to a seven-year, $120 million (USD) deal with... the St. Louis Cardinals. This according to consummate insider John Heyman (just the kind of info only a seasoned, well-connected reporter like him could unearth). A truly stunning development. Apparently a Mr. Holliday will also get a 'full no-trade clause' thrown in. I assume the Cardinals have also agreed in principle not to trade... the Cardinals?

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity

A pair of socks for sale at a stall in North Point. I hope this one is intentional, as its pretty cheeky (as sock names go anyway). Of course thats assuming you know what 'hootchie cootchie' means; in the US at least its dated slang for having sex, originally the name of a ribald faux belly dance craze in the late 1800s. Anyway it seems the good people at Wai Shun Socks Knitting Factory (Ltd) want you to have said sex with your socks on, which would obviously be great for business. According to their sales blurb online, these socks are 'ladies computerised patterned... unique designed socks with smooth and soft feeling... easy to match with various dress code'. I guess if your dress code consists of just socks, then yes they do match rather well...

Tags: super english force, fashionique, oddity

A somber billboard for PageOne (arguably the best english-language bookstore in HK). Read every day - Even if you read books every day, you'll still never finish reading all the books in the world - but do make it a ritual. What's the point here exactly? Of course you'd never finish all the books in the world; this sounds more like don't bother, or what the hell, stave off the inevitable. I could understand a do not go gently into that good night inspirational tone, or even so read what you love vibe, but this makes it all sound rather overwhelming and pointless, like do brush your teeth, even though they'll all decay and rot out of your head regardless...



It reminds me of those death countdown clocks that used to pop up in airline catalogues, usually in 'the sharper image' or similar executive toy section. They would digitally display your statistical time of death as a 'reminder' to get things done. Or to not bother...

Tags: super english force, oddity

A sign in Wanchai advertising the sizes available at a local fashion outlet. For those who've wondered where those unfortunate 1,000 pounders get their clothes, perhaps here's your answer. I've had to buy XXL here on occasion (the 'Asian XL', as they call it here, is actually between to a M and L in the US). So even assuming US sizes, if you weigh over 500 lbs. your sh*t out of luck. I think this signage may backfire though; can't imagine a plus-size clientele appreciate the ever-expanding size of the Xs...

Tags: fashionique, oddity

PIzza Hut's latest mutant pizza idea - seems cheese injected into a hollow tube crust wasn't pushing the envelope far enough. Now we have StarzBites! I haven't seen one of these abominations in person, but apparently its a crust with 18 individual 'bites' attached like spokes, each stuffed with a 2-tone cheese stick (note the z-shaped flourish on top - nice touch - very starzy). The actual pizza is topped with scallops, peaches, pineapple, 'embedded' sausage slices, 'intertwining' mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, and 'innovative' miracle island sauce (thousand island dressing being a common alternative to tomato sauce here in HK and in Japan). Hell who wouldn't want to partake of such a multi-faceted, multi-dimensional treat, if only to be a part of history? I'm feeling more starzy just by looking at it. As for the name, what else are you going to call it? Spokeybites? Sporez?

Tags: food, oddity, super english force

If you've ever wondered where the place is - the original location that spawned the now time-worn expression - well now you have your answer. Apparently its been in a strip mall in Malaysia all this time. Who knew? Its also an 'overtime cafe & lounge', so if you've just pulled an extra shift at work, just swing by Borneo for a quick bite or pick me up...

Tags: super english force, oddity, food

A window poster from the Head Shop 2, a salon I've posted on before. Seems now they're offering would-be snipers a chance to take out a pesky special forces kitty with a head shot. He's apparently infiltrated their 'shine' product line, and is taking cover behind the 'silk fusion' conditioner. I like the little helmet, but the cat-sized M1 automatic rifle really kicks this up a notch. He may be good, but as you can see by the tracking crosshairs, his counterinsurgency days are numbered...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre

This is a 3D puzzle(?) sold in Wanchai. A bit hard to read, but its officially 'revolving pavilion, palace of westminster. I was unaware that Westminster Palace had a revolving pavilion; must be for the Queen's private use. I googled it later, and its actually from Poland; and here I thought this was another case of a Chinese marketing guy ginning up more nonsensical (but impressive sounding) English combinations. My apologies to the many Chinese marketing guys who peruse this site. Love the crowned 'R' and full moon, though...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre

A decoration from the Kota Kinabalu airport in Malaysia. Not the strangest santa image I've seen (by a long shot), but his reindeer headed staff is unique. Never seen anything quite like it - or the helpful swallow on his shoulder, whispering naughty/nice names into his ear(?) Of course one hopes that his mighty staff doesn't fall into the wrong hands; an army of hypnotized flying reindeer could ruin anyone's yuletide cheer, or easily overwhelm the small antiquated airforce of a country like... Malaysia!?

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

The primary decoration for a mall in Kennedy Town. Im not really surprised Spongebob Squarepants has reached this level of product saturation etc, but it was a bit odd to see a thirty foot version of him hanging in the atrium. Also 'Happy Spongey Christmas' has a rather disconcerting ring to it, like happy moldy xmas, or happy pond bottom holidays! (oh the joy of sinking ones toes into pond bottom scum)..

Tags: super english force, oddity

A banner ad from one of the soccer sites I peruse - I think its ESPN. Anyway their soccer store now carries the one accessory every true soccer fan must have - national team themed nutcrackers! Note the soccer mullet (an Argentine specialty), headband and pitch (not to scale). Nothing says pride in your side like a properly attired nutcracker; nothing strikes fear in the hearts of your traditional arch-rivals. Imagine the terror and grudging respect your Brazilian friends will display when confronted with an Argentine nutcracker, complete with dead eyes and goatee. Time to crack some nuts, mi amigo, and you know whose nuts i'm talkin' about!

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

A store window t-shirt from Wanchai - easily one of the oddest I've come across. Usually these have odd mishmashes of athletic and/or sexual phrases, but this one seemed too good to be true. I dutifully googled it later, expecting to find a takeoff of some hipster brand like 'helmet of the will' in NYC; instead I came across this wikipedia entry:
The Ethereal Mirror is the second full-length album by British doom metal band Cathedral. Released in 1993, this album sees the band experiment a wider scale of sound than on their debut album Forest of Equilibrium. The songs are not as doom-laden and grinding as on the first album... 'Violet Vortex' is the intro...
WOW. Who would have suspected that knockoff t-shirt designers were ripping off obscure death metal bands? Though I have to admit The Ethereal Mirror Violet Vortex would be a great electronica or triphop band name...

Tags: super english force, oddity

Lane Crawford's latest tagline - shop until you pop! It truly is... Poptastic. What other word can capture such magic? Guess 'shop til you explode' was taken. I pity the poor souls who actually constructed the mylar balloon letters - a lot of work for very little return it seems. I also pity whoever gets to clean up the mess when the tai tais do pop while shopping - good thing lane crawford has marble floors, as you can never really get blood stains out of deep pile carpets...

Tags: cosmo, oddity

A poster for an upcoming HK play, a wacky sendup full of 'accidental' physical contact, embarrassed stuttering, and genial computer geekery. The protagonists apparently include 'Rosa the steamy hot secretary' and 'Tyson the perpetually stunned accountant'. Checkout the madcap shenanigans below - Rosa crossing her legs just as Tyson reaches for her knee. How deliciously ribald - just like the real Microsoft Office!



Note the 'explorer pointer hand' and subtly redesigned logo, complete with 'pinching' hands and tiny male/female symbols. Hey, that looks just like the real office logo! Suffice to say the play's title won't be helping to dispel that nasty stereotype about asian males, as it brings to mind the (now ancient) joke about Microsoft being named after BIll Gates' genitalia...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

The package copy for one of the 'high-end' (pun intended) toilet paper brands here. Why anyone needs a 100% virgin pulp (unlogged forests be damned, I need to wipe in merino soft luxury!), 3-Ply (no peasant's 2-ply will do), 450˚C (that's 842 Fahrenheit) steam sterilized toilet product is utterly beyond me. Its doesn't need to be hyper-sterile 1/4 inch thick etc etc - ITS TOILET PAPER. Of course here in HK, these are big selling points - literally big, as its almost impossible to buy t-paper in less than 10 roll packs (see below). Unless of course you lower your standards and buy the 'eco' 4-packs like I do. But then again I'm willing to have unseemly recycled paper touch my nether regions, and not insist on pristine softness that's been sterilized at 2 1/2 times the temperatures used for surgical equipment (no, really, I looked it up)...

Tags: cosmo, oddity

While researching images for a Thanksgiving presentation at my youngest daughter's school, I googled thanksgiving, football, snacks etc. and stumbled upon this abomination. It seems some enterprising souls have constructed the Ultimate Snack Experience: Frito Lay Twinkie Stadium...



We begin with three-tiered walls of twinkies - and yes those are bacon strips 'reinforcing' the corners. Next we have 'stands' filled to capacity with doritos, chex party mix, cheetos, and nacho chips. The 'field' is made up of 3-inch deep guacamole, nacho cheese dip, and salsa. The 'players' are vienna sausages, with either cheddar or swiss cheese 'helmets'. Clever. And finally the goal posts are made of expertly-toothpicked slim jims. And it comfortably seats over 250,000 calories!

I can only imagine the weeks of planning that went into this; I'm also surprised it doesn't crash through the table. And while this monstrosity could literally feed a village for a week, the ten or so midwesterners at the party will no doubt finish this off by half time of the second game, tops...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

A rather bizarre Prada (even by their standards) sunglass ad. Apparently wearing these will allow Prada to broadcast 'flashes of inspiration' directly into your brain, as illustrated by a circa 1970 radar antenna and bolt of lightning; well its a working theory anyway...

Tags: fashionique, oddity

More preposterous doggie snacks, these imported from the US. Like the world needs 'real meat' doggie snacks, or like most dogs care about things like flavor. Of course here in HK you'd find some yappy little emperor pampered enough to turn down 'fake' liver (or anything less than truffled filet mignon for that matter) but I digress...

Perhaps they're going for a more kosher angle, with the Yiddish name and authentic liverwurst tang. One of those ideas that makes me wonder if the creators have any sense of humor. I assume they've got TV spots lined up as well, with a gravel-voiced, spittle-spraying spokesdog ... "And remember kidschsss - dogsss go wacko for sscchhhmackosss!" Then they squeegee off the camera, and cut to a mouth-watering pile of dessicated straps of liver. Fadeout. Magic.

Tags: cookie moon doggie spa, oddity

Two huge billboards on the WTC arcade in Causeway Bay. The tagline - and the bizarre outfits - epitomize HK's ongoing quest for girly cuteness and uberfashion. If only some brave fashion outlet would combine the two... Quite a combo as well - pillbox hat, old world parisian ruffles, chaste schoolgirl ankle socks, and 5" heels with yard-long bows.



There's another towering ad outside. I'm guessing this one is based on a Victorian harlequin lamp - haute indeed. Wonder if that golden light really shines down from the lampshade/skirt though...

Apparently 'Haute Couture + Lifestyle = MORE' also. Note that the 'M' is actually a stylized 1+1, for reasons known only to the ad agency. So... according to my admittedly rusty arithmetic... girlish pretty + delicacy = 1+1(m)ore = haute couture + lifestyle. Any questions?

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

A surprisingly popular french fry joint in Causeway Bay. Interesting name - must be one big potato. And how did they transport it to HK? Oh well, much preferable to 'Ireland's Cabbage'. To their credit they must make damn good fries - there's alway at least a 20 person queue whenever I've happened by.

Anyway I was struck by the rather odd jack-o-lantern logo, and the even more bizarre inclusion of a lightning bolt. What does a jack-o-lantern have to do with fries (or lightning)? Ours is not to question, laddy - just eat your fooken chips. Also the slogan is one for the ages:

There are two things in the world that can't be joked: 1. marriage 2. potato

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

Windsor Place's odd attempt at a haunted house. Behold the much anticipated 'Hallo Wind-sor" - complete with bloody eyeballs for the o's - now that's quality. Not sure if that's supposed to be 'hallowind sor' or 'wind sore'; neither sounds fun. There' s also the odd inclusion of a snake eye in the stone wall above the sign, but I'm sure its purpose is revealed inside. This wasn't open when I dropped by, but from the outside I assume its not good for little kids. Hong Kongers tend to really overdue the gruesome aspects of halloween, displaying way too much gore for kiddies. Even HK Disney is guilty of this; we were warned in no uncertain terms to avoid the haunted house there, as kids were coming out crying and screaming, attempting to burrow into their parents chests to escape the nightmares within.



Anyway here are a few of the highlights from outside. including a rather perplexed giant jack-o-lantern, and a truly disturbing Michael Jackson-esque new wave zombie. Not that Jacko needed any zombie makeup...

Tags: disturbing mascots, halloween, oddity

A halloween ad for 'kinder bueno' candy bars. Not sure what he's supposed to be exactly - a horned vampire? A dapper fanged devil? A new hazelnut cream fueled devil/vampire hybrid? Nice fangs though, perfectly adapted (note how they line up exactly with the bar sections) to suck said hazelnut cream from defenseless kinder buenos. Makes me want to go out and become a suave devil vampire myself...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, halloween

Another one of Ocean Park's Halloween characters, this one complete with her own funhouse at Times Square. I guess an undead 'tai tai' (slang for a rich housewife of a certain age with money and time to burn) amassing huge credit card bills from beyond the grave is truly horrifying by HK standards. And that purse - so last season!



And here's her 'house' - filled with Ocean Park Halloween memorabilia from yesteryear and funhouse mirrors. NIce touch with the coffin-shaped door...



There's also this geriatric vampire; he really looks like he's 500 years old, shuffling along behind you. "I'm a-comin' to drink your... blood? yes blood goddamn smart ass whippersnappers... just let me get a-goin' here... no respect for your elders..."

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, halloween

A public service(?) poster for eating healthier via the 'eatsmart restaurant' program. Apparently eating healthier starts with giving customers access to silverware, or at least cutting their chicken into manageable portions, thus saving desperately hungry (and time-constrained) businessmen the arduous hassle of rending their own chickens by hand...

Tags: funny, oddity

An Eyedontist (clever name) poster in Causeway Bay. Looks like someone actually went to the trouble of assembling an entire corset made from high end sunglasses. One of those ads that looks compelling at first, then leaves you scratching your head; what is this trying to say (or sell) exactly? Anyway I hope for the model's sake they included a liner of some sort, otherwise the discomfort of actually wearing this hard plastic contraption must've been incalculable...

Tags: fashion, oddity

A web ad from CNN's sports page, which reminds us that Asia hardly has a monopoly on bizarrely named products (and unintentional sexual innuendo). The name 'anytizers' is ridiculous enough for inclusion here, but 'meaty good man food?' And it looks much more like dog food than 'man food'; I love how they are literally tumbling of the plate, a veritable cornucopia of pre-chewed meatballs (which I assume - as a Tyson product - taste vaguely chicken-ish). Definitely on a par with the 'beefy cheesy glory' McDonald's billboard posted a few months back. Maybe its the same ad agency...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

A forgotten shot from the 'street Mickey' exhibition at Times Square a few weeks ago. This mickey seems to have been conceived/designed while under the influence of acid, or something suitably mind-altering, though probably not peyote, which i assume is hard to come by in Asia. His limbs are teased out in grotesque springs, his signature pants have mutated into a heavily weighted bowl, his hands into useless pill shaped lumps. He appears to be crying out to Disney heaven in a 'why have you forsaken me?' pose, or melting into the pavement under the oppressive glare of Walt himself. Don't know if this is supposed to signify something profound (or if the sculptor has a 'signature' style that he must apply to all his work, so that Goofy, Bambi, or even Hello Kitty would be given the same unsettling treatment). Apparently its not that unsettling; the gentleman on the phone to the right didn't even look up as he strolled by. Maybe he's an acid-sculpture critic and is dishing to a colleague- 'oh god, another Mickey - how original - i'm sorry you were saying?"

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

These are a few of the more memorable knock-off brands slated to grace a refurbished mall in Causeway Bay; "Democracy of Nevermind" is my personal favorite. Several are actually well-executed logos, but utterly nonsensical, such as "Trunk Ltd.- A Moment in Time". What the hell is that supposed to mean? And of course there's "Barak" - no doubt inspired by our - inspirational(!) president, though you'd think they'd at least get the spelling right. I actually like the juxtaposition of "1% Barak" too; now that would make an interesting brand name. Like to see the tagline -"When it comes to Barak, all you need is 1%"...

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity

An old shot from Macau I stumbled across this weekend. According to this watch, err timepiece, retailer, in the future all men will wear body armor (eerily similiar to Cylons in the original Battlestar Galactica) and don catcher's masks - yes from American baseball, all you cricketeers; no floppy hats and sweater vests in the 22nd century. And complimenting this potent protection is thier laser shielded, vacuum proofed timepiece - which you can still snorkel with, to a depth of 3 meters! It seems Mad Max got it all wrong - no mohawks, dreadlocks or hockey masks. Just exquisite catcher's apparel. And watches.

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

Another panel from the anti-drug campaign murals in Kennedy Town. Looks like some of the kiddies may have taken their zeal for eradicating drug use a bit too far. Not to make light of a serious issue, but having pills etc to the tracks and running over them with the Devil Train is a bit unsettling. And the faceless/fingerless conductor is disturbing as well. Love the long-horned human skull on the stack though. Also judging by the defiant, sleep-deprived eyes of the 'syringe', maybe it takes being cut in half by tons of hurtling, demonic iron to finish him off. Looks like he's pretty strung out already; but then again he is filled with glowing heroin...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

Another interesting prop from the Mickey street art exhibit. Seems he now fancies himself 'Mickey the Pirate King', and has created his very own pirate flag, which in its way is more disturbing than the skull and crossbones. Wonder if Mickey will be engaged in modern piracy along the East African coast, or stay local in Asia and terrorize the shipping lanes of Indonesia and the Philippines. Also if some of his old pals will take to their new career; Goofy becoming a sadistic goon with a chip on his shoulder about his intelligence and stutter - " yu-yu- ya callin' me stupid? well i'm gonna cut you a new tongue!" Or Donald Duck screaming Somali insults over a megaphone in his signature voice, then screaming 'waahhhgghhh!" as he empties his AK-47 across the party deck of an unlucky cruise ship...

Tags: disturbing mascots, funny, oddity

A billboard in Causeway Bay for an English tutoring service. Yes, her BBC accent is flawless, her knowledge of subtle class differences (and cricket scoring) impressive, even a newfound taste for bangers and mash. But at the cost of a hideously disfigured tongue...

Tags: super english force, oddity

More disturbing images from the Mickey street art extravaganza. It seems Mickey's finally had enough of some pushy paparazzi. I'm unsure what he's supposed to be standing in front of - a monstrous Rubik's cube(?). He's seems to have snapped and his now out for blood, screaming full-throated obscenities, eyes blazing, spittle flying.

He's joined by the newest member of his posse', 'Beedy', known for his namesake (disturbingly low set) eyes, and for wearing his mickey mouse pants at "old man armpit level". Sure hope security steps in before Mickey and Beedy give an old fashion Disney beat down, maybe with his gal Minnie stepping in to get a solid kick to the paparazzo's ribs with her signature red stilettos...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, bizarre, snide

This is a street mural in deepest Kennedy Town, part of a wall section of student art dedicated to ant-drug messaging. While I applaud the idea and effort, a few were too extraordinary to pass up. This panel illustrates the truly awesome destructive power of math -specifically addition and multiplication; it's literally streaming out in waves from our studious hero - with help from his backpack and textbooks - painfully smiting the various drugs and drug paraphenalia around him. As our hero grows in expertise, he will no doubt add the disciplines of subtraction and division to his devastating arsenal...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

These are the titan-sized Mickey shoes to go with the Mickey god-gloves, just visible in the background. Not sure if these are to scale, but they're still more than large enough to crush unbelieving fans of rival franchises. Wouldn't want to be in a tricked-out Scion with Looneytunes stickers when Mickey does his signature 'Mickey Mouse Walk' through Mong Kok, arms akimbo and legs pumping. Unfortunately they didn't have a scaled-up pair of red mickey mouse pants on display (complete with signature yellow buttons); though if Mickey does come to claim his gloves and shoes, I'm sure he'll bring his own pair. He is still a Disney character after all, even if he's out stomping innocent bystanders into jelly...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

This is from a rather unsettling Mickey Mouse 'edgy' art exhibition at Times Square in Causeway Bay. I managed to get a few pictures without all the people - more adults than children - posing with them, but honestly I had to wait for about 10 minutes for a clear shot.

Disney is insanely popular in China and HK; we even have our own themepark over at Hong Kong Disney. But I guess the folks over at marketing wanted to nail down the art gallery set as well. So we have the Mickey God Hands, which allow fans to pretend they are about to be scooped up by the Mouse himself. But beware, for he may suddenly lift you up to his bottomless black eyes and lay bare your disney product consumption. And woe to any who are held in those gloves and found wanting...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

Of the many mustachioed turtle jelly masters in HK, Master Ng is no doubt the most famous. It seems years ago he stumbled upon Chinese-medicinal stardom when he combined two powerful marketing concepts - quality fresh turtle collagen herbal jelly and iconic facial hair - into one winning formula. And having exquisite taste in clothes didn't hurt either; note the sharkskin jacket and white tie:





As you can see by this montage from his website, Master Ng uses only the finest tubs and refrigerators for his products, and truly industrial strength binders to hold his voluminous research. As for why the emphasis on 'freshly reproduced turtles', look no further than this handy FAQ:




I wonder if Master Ng ever sees his reflection in one of the Versailles-scale mirrors at his palatial estate, and curses his symbiotic mustache; it has given him great fame and fortune, yes... but at such terrible personal cost...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, cosmo

For those wondering whatever became of Edward Scissorhands, he's now utilizing his unique talents as a stylist for the famed South China Athletic Association's 3rd floor barbershop. After years of wasting away in Wan Chai bars and Mong Kok gentlemen's clubs, Eddies's on the comeback; he's still quite fragile though, and it was all the staff could do get him to pose for this poster. Good to see he's turned his life around. Always wondered how he ate with those things, so say nothing of more delicate personal hygiene; honestly I could never stomach more than about 5 minutes of the movie myself, so maybe they cover that in typically 'darkly clever' Burtonesque fashion. Have to say this super-cute rendering doesn't exactly make me want to rush on over, though I appreciate the subtle juxtaposition of the barber pole and anime Eddie...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity

An older billboard in Mong Kok. Dare to enter the fabled lanyard kingdom, and stand before the mighty lanyard king himself, Lanyo IX. He greets all visitors with a welcoming 'lei' flowered lanyard, complete with an ID card to access your sumptuous guest chambers. He himself wears a magnificent gold lanyard, with but one tiny key - to his heart...

But beware, the lanyard kingdom is patented, so any attempt to start your own neck-accessory empire will meet with fierce resistance from Lanyo IX's crack legal team.

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

This is a sign from the local Burger King in Pennsylvania. I was initially intrigued by the term 'stackicon' and assumed it was some transformers tie-in; much to my consternation I found that I was correct. By the way our friends at the Gettysburg 'BK Lounge' (as we lovingly referred to it in high school) didn't bother to check the spelling, but it seems 'Stackticon' is a play on 'stackers', a BK sandwich you can stack - how clever.



Anyway out of morbid curiosity i looked up the term and found this ad blurb: In honor of the new movie "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," Burger King introduces the BK BBQ Stackticon, which allows consumers to build their sandwich as big or tall as they want with unlimited beef, cheese and bacon... Out of even more morbid curiosity I looked up the site itself, as was greeted with this disturbing image:



Yow. I should mention that the dollar bills float independently around the site for no reason. You can also roll over the king and get his 'transformer power ratings', one of which is for 'creepiness'. Love the hair.

One final morbid etc etc search, yielded a real stackticon - thankfully someone had gone to the trouble of providing shots of both the advertised ideal and the actual sandwich together:



So all in all a rather pathetic but resonant slice of contemporary American culture, stacked for your convenience (I know I know I couldn't resist):
a truly awful movie - and yes it is as awful as all those snooty critics say it is;
the inevitable fast-food marketing tie-in, but does it transform into anything other than 2 lbs of human fat? Alas no;
and the option for American consumers to add as much beef cheese and bacon as they can, which is a lot...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity

This is an older ad for a mobile service(?) here in HK. I love the T-Rex as faithful pooch motif, with his golden retriever coloring and lovingly personalized collar. I wonder what Sam plays fetch with; a water buffalo leg? An oar? Anyway this ad left me wondering how the happy family below deals with Sam when he gets too hungry or grouchy; T-Rexes are notoriously difficult pets, though not as bad as rottweilers. Sam gets pretty frustrated when ordered to 'shake' - it reminds him of his near-useless front legs, and makes him feel frustrated and inadequate. And as everyone knows, 'a frustrated T-Rex is a dangerous T-Rex'. I wonder how this weekend's jaunt to the park turns out - "Sam Sit! Stay! I mean it buster! Honey make a break for the car while I distract him with the buffalo leg! Stay Sam stay!"

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, funny

Another Tokyo arcade game from last xmas. You can't read the name unfortunately, but this game is called "Prisoner of Love" in the upper right-hand corner. Maybe its from an old Japanese poem - my tears fall like drumbeats upon my video parlor taiko drums... maybe not.

Anyway I couldn't get this thing to work, and no one came up to play, so I don't know how you 'free your love', though I assume it's like dance dance revolution etc, and that you have to match the games cadence with your own drums. A good workout at least, and far safer than the Beeterro ride mentioned earlier. Unless the prisoner of love is Godzilla, and playing them just right unleashes him (again) on Tokyo. Never Osaka, always Tokyo.

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

I came across some older forgotten shots on my laptop, most of which were shite, but found a few gems (gems in the shite - isn't that a Scottish expression?)

Anyway this is a hercules beetle ride in a Tokyo arcade. No sign of an accompanying 'dung beetle' ride, complete with 6-foot dung ball that you roll in front of you and defend like its made of gold... oh well, probably so much the better.

Much to my surprise it sat strangely idle; one would think that kids would line up around the block (and forego those newfangled 'video' games nearby) for a chance to mount 'hercu-beetle' and pretend they are slowly shuffling through the leaf litter, feasting on detritus just like a real beetle.

Unfortunately the dire warning on his jaws was in Japanese only, so I can only assume it cautions riders not to push the glowing red button next to his steering wheel, lest hercu-beetle transform into a 30-story 'Beeterro' and force the desperate Japanese army to reluctantly call upon Godzilla to stop it. And Godzilla always exacts a terrible price for his services. A terrible price...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, bizarre

Yet another entry from the odious pages of SkyMall - the world's largest crossword puzzle - for the world's loneliest bachelor. Still smarting from his recent layoff and divorce, our hero decides its time to make a serious dent in his latest purchase, with a ZIMA fueled 3 day marathon session. Let's listen in:

"OK... OK... focus! Got to go easy on the ZIMA bro, you only have two 4-packs left... I think I need some more Chex Party Mix to coat my tummy. OK where was I... Aha! Just a quick glance in the convenient 3,286-page guide... what's a 8 letter word for 'very, very sad'? Hmmm..."

Tags: oddity, snide, sad

Another garden accessory from our friends at Toscano in the SkyMall catalog. Nothing compliments a garden yeti quite like a lifesize zombie erupting from your azaleas. His official name is the "Zombie of Montclaire Moors(?)", or Monty for short.

Here is an excerpt from the ad copy: not for the faint of heart...will claw his way out of your garden (and into your heart!)... office or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the most lifelike eyes you've ever seen..you'll swear you can hear him breathing!" Definitely a surefire conversation starter, either with your children's new psychiatrist friend or with the ambulance crew sent over to resuscitate grandpa...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

From the infamous SkyMall catalog on our flight from San Francisco to DC. Now you too can have your every own garden yeti, over 2 feet of mysterious (until now!) primate, guaranteed to spark lively conversation and terrify neighborhood children. Apparently garden gnomes are no longer a viable kitsch option, thanks to travelocity's annoying ad campaign, which they stole by the way. (In the interest of full disclosure I must confess to owning an 'alien yard gnome' in our backyard in DC, appropriately named 'Roswell'). Note that he's posed like the famous film still of Bigfoot - and yes I've watched enough bad TV - think 'Monsterquest on the History Channel - to recognize it instantly.

Several noteworthy things about the garden yeti - the catalog calls him 'Bigfoot the Garden Yeti': an incredibly uninspired and confusing nickname, like 'Puma the Tiger'; also everyone knows that yeti are found in the Himalayas, not in suburban US gardens where most bigfoot sightings occur... Why not call him 'Yeti the Garden Bigfoot'? That way he could have an exotic name to bandy about when meeting other garden Bigfeet(?) "yeah my parents went to Nepal and named me after my third cousin - thought it'd be cool. My brother Sasquatch was born in Vancouver...".

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

This is a poster advertising Octupus card rewards (like an ATM card but much more versatile) at a nearby Jusco, a Japanese dollar store chain with tons of kitsch and craft supplies. I assume this is a reference to the Year of the Ox, though its clearly a cow. Oh well, the woman is certainly ecstatic with it's appearance, though I wonder if she gets to keep it, and if she realizes what she's getting into if she does. Not an ideal pet for a 700 sq ft apartment.

The cowering clerk at the register also looks rather put out; perhaps this happens a few times a week, and once again he'll to clean up after 'midas' takes a gilded dump on his scanner. Must be really hard to get metallic cow dung out of all the little seams...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, advertising

A strangely named shop in Hanoi, and one of the few english-only signs in Hanoi. I couldn't decide if this was meant to have an aww shucks tone - 'aww you guys... find whatever you like, ya hear?' or have an on-the-verge-of tears ring to it: 'stop it you guys... ok fine... you go ahead and find whatever you like... see if I care... f*ckers.' Unfortunately we didn't get a chance to peruse the shelves, so who knows, maybe it goes back 500 metres and is crammed top-to-bottom with a mind-boggling array of quality merchandise, truly everything we'd ever need. Or not.

Tags: super english force, snide, funny, oddity

From a restaurant window in the Old Quarter of Hanoi. This has to rank as one of the most unappetizing (and ridiculous) food concepts I've ever come across. Honestly who would want their pizza this way? Weren't McPizza pockets bad enough? (Yes there was a 'McPizza' in the US decades ago, and yes it was as evil as it sounds). Anyway when did it become to challenging to eat pizza in the traditional 'slice' format? Has anyone ever bitterly complained about unwieldy slices, and fervently wished they could enjoy their pizza in a convenient concentrated cone? Needless to say my wife and I were both rather put off by the thought of getting halfway through one of these monstrosities, then hitting the thick knot of congealed cheese and pepperoni nuggets trapped at the center...

Tags: super english force, oddity

This is an outlet in TST near the Chatham Road. I assume they sell various ointments and bath products made from 'Dead Sea' salt, which supposedly has wondrous rejuvenating properties. Why this salt is superior to any other salt has never been explained to me, though the biblical references surely don't hurt sales.

For what its worth you can float in a foot or so of water there; I've actually done this in the Salt Lake in the US, and it is pretty wild, though the heat and the trillions of sandflies tend to dampen the fun fairly quickly. Anyway I was obviously taken by the sign - you can't be a sea of life and a dead sea simultaneously my friend; not a lot of gray area between the two...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, funny, snide

A poster for a 'Muscle Worker Dance Show' at the 'WHY' club in Causeway Bay(?). I guess the more well known 'Construction Worker Stripper Review' was already being staged by their bitter archrivals over at the 'WHAT' club.

I suppose a 'muscle worker show' wouldn't be that unusual a strip club in the US that occasionally caters to bachelorette parties (usually made up of tipsy secretaries and bitter divorcees). But these guys either have a brutally dry sense of humor (pretty doubtful) or they missed that newsflash about the Village People being gay fantasy icons. So it makes no sense to charge 'gents' $200 HKD at the door - hell they should pay straight guys $200 just to get them inside. Unless this is a gay club; but then why let ladies in free, or offer them unlimited free drinks? Why would gay men pay $200 for a chance to get straight women drunk? Maybe that's why they're called the WHY club - Why? Why the hell not?

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity, funny

This is a cafe(?) in Causeway Bay. Unlike the House of Blues in Chicago, Small Potato doesn't offer big stars or blues legends (or pasteurized covers and overpriced drinks either), but your second home, a place to unwind with other unknowns and well, small potatoes. You can strip down to socks and underwear, play a few lazy games of go-fish, watch original 'Battlestar Galactica' reruns on the analog TV, or cheer on the newbie guitarist up on the makeshift corner stage as he butchers 'Mannish Boy'.

I'm assuming the zoot-suited potato is an allusion to jazz aficionados, but its frankly hard to tell. He does have a rather contented expression though, so maybe this would be a nice place to while away an afternoon...

Tags: humor, oddity, chinglish, funny

This is a store window for a new boutique in Happy Valley. I looked up Anna Rita N, which turns out to be a high end Italian fashionique outfit. The ad campaign is from Italy, so I that lets the locals off the hook so to speak. I was literally stopped in my tracks by this one - not by the model and her admittedly distracting legs, but by the bizarre inclusion of blowup clownfish at her feet. They really seem to appreciate the upskirt view, and she seems happy to engage in a little exhibitionism. Not sure what or who this is supposed to entice; voyeuristic beach toy fetishists? Leg aficionados with a hidden desire to be Nemo?

Tags: fashion, fashionique, funny, oddity, humor

This is a sign in Hong Kong Park, designating a 'photogenic spot' for the photographically challenged. This sign seems more suited for Singapore, with its Big Brother culture and 'suggestions' for public behavior etc. Unfortunately the actual photo on the sign itself is rather faded and, well, unphotogenic. I did look around for the specified angle (which I believe is actually opposite the sign) but in the interest of taking the authorities at their word I dutifully took a picture.

Hmmm... perhaps I am incapable of appreciating the true photogenic-ness of the spot. I did get a nice 'slice of life' pic of an exasperated bridegroom and his bride, trying to get their photographer to this prime location. You'd think he'd already know of it, or sense it with his intrinsic artistic sensibilities. Then again maybe the spot is so hyperphotogenic that it blows shots of a mere wedding couple away entirely, like standing in front of the sun. Or not.

Tags: humor, society, oddity

This was on a delivery truck downtown. It seems that the heated bottle of VitaSoy (soy milk) has KO'd our unfortunate snowman friend, and is now inexorably and painfully melting him (and wearing a toasty scarf just to rub it in too). Not sure what Frosty did to deserve such a cruel fate; he certainly looks friendly enough, what with his bowtie and matching tasseled hat and mittens. Indeed, he has that shocked expression of the double-crossed character in a thriller, one who's just been shot by in the back by his trusted partner - after he got too close the the truth.

Frosty: "Vita... buddy... why....?"

VitaSoy: "You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you Frosty?"

Tags: disturbing mascots, mascots, funny, oddity, bizarre, advertising

This is by far the strangest - and most disturbing - street art I've ever seen. I've come across far more violent, grotesque etc, but nothing this surreal. I'm not versed in street tagging, but this is fu**ed up. I also couldn't find anything remotely close to it on the web. Where to begin? Well first off, there's the Escher 'impossible object' triangles; why are they 'centered' on the dental exam? Why use dentist's hands and implements in the first place? The '70s hair model doesn't look like she's being tortured, or in any discomfort at all really.

So what is this trying to be - or say? And why did the other taggers leave it so pristine? Is 'BUB ChBUB the creator of this abomination? Seriously any ideas and/or wild guesses would be much appreciated.

Update: Today I got a much closer look at this. It's actually been plastered to the wall like an old time circus poster, and there's a signature of sorts, the 'XD' in the upper right hand corner. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything new about it though...

Tags: humor, oddity, bizarre, fashionique

This is a children's clothing store(?) in Causeway Bay. I tried to find them on the internets, but as far as I can tell they are a local outfit. The name more than justifies inclusion here, but that crazy-ass logo increases its value exponentially. Don't recall ever seeing a kiddie franchise using a bomb as a mascot before, let alone one with psychotic 'star and lightning' eyes or a sharktooth smile. What parent could resist plastering this image across their two year old's chest? And then there's the 'cute lil' bunny' on the far left, no doubt an attempt to counterbalance the logo. I couldn't get close enough to see if the bunny has fangs too...

Tags: mascots, disturbing mascots, funny, oddity