From an old real estate direct mail ad. The ‘huge balcony mid-rise giant’ is typical HK ad copy, but ‘the world of hippies’ is singularly brilliant. Imagine an apartment full of perpetually partying, patchouli saturated hippies strewn across the living room floor, or dancing nude in your private roof garden (or better yet, caked in authentic Woodstock mud). Then sating their ravenous munchies in the finely appointed kitchen, or ruining your marble bathroom tub by making tie-dyes for the upcoming Dead show. Hey, at least they’re trying to pay their way. The apt. has an internal staircase to boot - all the better for hanging posters, ponchos and tapestries. And finally it all comes with a beautiful view of downtown Manhattan, which is admittedly a bit dim when seen from Hong Kong...

Tags: humor, oddity, cosmo

A dance producer(?) in Wanchai. I guess ‘Bacchanalia Dance’ was already taken. Apparently they manufacture a myriad of wild dance feasts, from tap to hip hop, even ‘jazz funk’. Unsure of what kind of food to serve at your upcoming jazz technique wild feast? Well, these are the people to ask. I wonder if they do blood sacrifices as well, say during the average wild tap feast. Do they tap dance on the goats with razor tipped metal taps? Maybe they make the goats tap dance, after plying them with wine and... well whatever goats prefer to feast on. Exquisite kitchen scraps?

Tags: snide, super english force, oddity, humor

A window display for Chocoolate, a hipster brand here in HK. They usually have pretty eclectic advertising, and I’ll admit it got my attention, but in a what the hell is that supposed to mean? sense. The three eyes on Pinocchio are a bit disconcerting–and why use Pinocchio in the first place? Also the leaf growing from his nose doesn’t help clear up matters. Does that mean he’s lying, but in an environmentally responsible way?

Tags: bizarre, oddity, disturbing mascots, snide, humor

A bit of a throwaway posting, but I’m on vacation. A HK post office poster for sending things abroad, based on the tried and true ‘look a crazily oversized object!’ motif. I don’t know if this was an intentional inside joke or not, but there are still many who’d love to screw Japan over but good. Honestly though has anyone ever sent screws via the post office? My uncle needs some #24 philips head galvanized pronto - I better get down to the post office right away!

Tags: snide, oddity, humor

An HSBC ad in Happy Valley. I could ask what the Cantonese translation is for this, but its much more fun to imagine that both these poor gentlemen are patiently fishing for the same fish. Unfortunately for them, they live about 7,000 miles apart. I suppose that fish must exceptionally quick; still one of these men will be going home empty handed...

Tags: oddity, humor, snide

An ad from WTC in Causeway Bay. The developers have spared no expense in promoting their mall, from 3 story high billboards to exclusive fashion shoots. But they've really outdone themselves here. Presenting the ultimate matching accessory for a bling belt - an electric guitar with another bling encrusted belt fused onto the fretboard. A bit awkward to carry around all day, and obviously you can't play it, but as the saying goes, beauty knows no pain. Beauty also knows virtually nothing about actually playing guitar; one can imagine the shredded fingertips after a session with this monstrosity. Of course you'd have to string it first....

Tags: fashion, fashionique, oddity

A product shot sent over by my friend Mark (sorry, can't call you mate as I'm American). Good news for women afflicted with a smile that makes them look like they have mild case of diarrhea, or have just committed a minor faux paus (see below). Because now there's... Beauty Smile Trainer, an exciting new technology from Japan, the world leader in flesh toning contraptions, and products that look like sex toys, but with no obvious application. Two tapered ends?

But I digress. Seems all the weak smile sufferer has to do is place this bar in their mouth(?) and diligently work their underdeveloped smile muscles, and viola'. I assume that you need to be careful not to overdo it, lest you end up looking like Jack Nicholson as the Joker, or even worse, Julia Roberts...

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity, bizarre

A clothier in Causeway Bay. I've walked under this sign a thousand times and only just noticed tagline. Soul Room wasn't odd enough for inclusion here, but 'for your conscious living' puts it over the top, especially when combined with a double ellipse (adds a touch of mystery......). But where does one find cutting edge fashions for unconscious living?

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

One of the many slimming centres here in HK. Most offer the usual wraps or kneading machines. But for a mere $888 HKD (wow three 8s - so lucky! What a coincidence!) Perfect Shape Club unveils Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lipolysis™. Certainly sounds impressive; actually rather intimidating. Definitely don't want this kind of technology in the wrong hands. What if terrorists were able to remove your body fat from the outside? Well I suppose they wouldn't be very effective terrorists...





I couldn't find any additional explanations for the procedure, except that the 'shock wave type is electromagnetic'. But as usual the Cantonese website provided some other priceless translations. Seems Perfect Shape will be offering product stations at various local malls, where spokesmodels can be seen "...playing hula hoop and jump rope...

There'll also be "more on Breast Ho Ching magic solution." I wonder if they'll be applying that down at the mall? I'm sure they'd have a few male volunteers...

They use a patented 'Stovepipe approach' to slimness, with a 'banana diet can be used Lai!' 'The focus of this banana diet is breakfast any bananas from time restrictions, is that simple! ... a lot of Women with fat because of gastrointestinal or bad, Just think, food... (Wow. Just think, food... so zen).

And finally they 'will provide 6 large overeating obesity for overeating caused by large accumulation of fat induced obesity(?). And for the more stubborn cases, the promise that 'Miss Yip's [will lean into the] power cases...'

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

A combo special from our friends at Pepperoni's, the recently defunct(?) pizza place here in Happy Valley. Not a combination you'd find in the US (of anywhere else I can think of, save New Zealand). Still the shank certainly looks appetizing, and at $150 HKD (20 US) its quite a bargain - assuming we're talking a decent sized shank here - we are?- well alright then. Perhaps in the future they'll just drop the shank on top of the pizza. Hard to fit in a pizza box though...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, humor

A ladies' fashion outlet in North Point. An entire store dedicated to accidental fashions, like putting on an 80's hot pink blazer, hip waders and a sombrero simultaneously. Oops! Look what I just threw together! Perhaps they have an entire rack of mustard or tomato sauce stained clothing, or with prefab stains printed right into the fabric. Oops! Got mustard on my blouse... gotcha! Have to admit you remember their name if nothing else...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humor

A window ad in Central. I didn't get a chance to cross the street and check it out, but I did check the internets later. Seems Diesel has gone with an full bore campaign based on the memorable tag line "Be Stupid"...



They even suggest several acts of rank stupidity, such as this gem:



One can only hope that their clientele don't really try stepping into oncoming cars with a traffic cone over their heads, but who knows? Perhaps getting struck by an SUV (or even better a Mini Cooper) in the name of fashion by is smartest/stupidest way to insure immortality, to truly be 'tragically hip'...

Tags: fashion, advertising, oddity, snide

A poster in Times Square exhorting us to go! go! go! get some GI rations upstairs pronto. Just fall in with the cutlery-wielding Marines as they charge hellbent over pumpkin-laced minefields (or provide suppression fire from behind giant mutant cabbages). And all with air cover provided by fearsome pickled corn cobs(?). I honestly don't know which WWII movie this is trying to reference, but it apparently won all kinds of awards at Cannes - just look at all those wreathes!

Tags: oddity, super english force, snide, humor

A sign in Causeway Bay for a breast enlargement supplement, the famed 'Night Bomber G'. Yes now all you small breasted women can utilize the power of modern science to 'reposition your arm and back fat into your breast tissue' and activate your 'lact gene receptors', thus increasing your bra size from B to G overnight.



No really - says so right there on the internet, and they have the scientific terms to prove it. From some other online ad copy: "Saggy Breasts?? If you are one of the millions of women who suffer from the embarassment of small breasts, then Night Bomber can change your life. Impact occurs when you are sleeping; From a well-known study, It is making the extra fat from the back and arms to move to the bust... when the bust rise hormone is discharged and it awakens." Note the handy arrows below which illustrate how and where the fat is moving. Seems to have worked wonders in this case...



More hard medical backup follows:" ...not can be satisfied with just that, you observe to also the “lact gene receptor”... 3 completion long hormones of L-[orunichin], L-[ariginin] and the gabardine (gabardine?) stimulating from inside the bust, it assures volume rise. While sleeping, making the lact gene receptor expand in the mammary gland, it is the mechanism which becomes enormous..."

Well there you have it. A watertight scientific proof of how it works. My personal favorite ingredient is 'gabardine'. Apparently in addition to providing dapper suit fabric, it stimulates bust interiors as well. Who knew? Well Night Bomber G scientists, thats who...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide, humorous

An intriguing chinglish phrase adorning the back of a shopper in Wanchai. Naf naf league is a French(?) designer label, though the only products I could find online were on ebay and charity gift sites. Oh well. Definitely a catchy name, though, and the phrase 'takeachance with naf naf league' just has a nice cadence to it. Or maybe its a nod to the infamous ABBA song, and its diabolical take a chance, take a chance, take a chance chance chance background chant - which of course will now be stuck in my head all day...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity

A popular shampoo used by starlets and wannabes throughout HK. I was going to file this under 'Super English Force' as yet another poor choice of product name, but this is really is mane and tail shampoo. For horses.



From the company website:



One of the odder splash pages you'll come across. Honestly how many companies give personal and animal care options? Also I love the little horse name in the lower right hand corner: Anton 343; interesting name for a horse. Does he know Andre 3000? Sadly the model didn't get her name up too. Anyway more from the website FAQ: Mane ‘n Tail products were originally developed for horses. Horse owners reported seeing significant improvement in the health and appearance of their horses’ manes and tails. Similar results were seen when horse owners and groomers used the products on themselves (wouldn't you?). This was the beginning of the Mane ‘n Tail legend. They also have a nail care solution called Hoofmaker, So not only can you get lustrous shine with Mane n' Tail, but you can also clean up those split nails after a hard day of riding and/or wagon pulling...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre

From a web sidebar ad. Seems Santa prefers a lighter smoke after a long eve of deliveries. Understandable considering he's already weighed down by several million cookies and gallons of spiked eggnog; just needs to unwind a bit after his hectic night. This is the one night when Mrs. Claus won't begrudge a cig at least. It is toasted after all...

Tags: oddity, snide, humor

A bus-side ad for the latest in slimming technology from Dr. Renew, the 'Yumi Skinjet'. The web translation claims it utilizes 'French pressure Tut new radio technology (!) without needles, recognized and awarded by the U.S. FDA, American scientists patent awards, SKINJET to speed in 0.01 seconds, between the moment the essence of liquid mist into the skin in depth from 3.2 to 9.1 mm underlying the skin, skin can be completely absorbed.'

Well if it has American scientists working on it, it must be safe! I guess the depth of the 'essence of liquid mist' is key here - deadly over 9.2mm, but Dr. Renew is a trusted professional and knows his way around a French pressure Tut radio. Still why not go one better? How about a 'Belgian Ramses hyperwind tunnel' generating Mach 5 airspeeds, forcing the subcutaneous fat cells into a slimmer, more aerodynamic shape? Or not...

Tags: chinglish, oddity, snide

A sign for a wedding/image consultant in Causeway Bay. Yet another case of nifty words haphazardly strung together for maximum effect. Still its true that a tri-chromatic cohering extravaganza combined with a paraphrasis can really kick your wedding up a notch...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humorous

A romantic comedy here in HK. I haven't (and never will, to be honest) see this movie, so I can't attest to its merits. I've seen commercials though, and from what I can gather, the guy buys cigarettes from a 7-11, and his suave smoking becomes a metaphor for whimsical romance - or something. Again what got my attention was the name - one of those titles that makes you wonder if the translator is having some fun at his clients expense. Love in a jiffy? an eyeblink? Love of righteous weed? Of secondhand smoke?

Tags: oddity, chinglish, snide

A Chinese knockoff I stumbled across in North Point. Yet another case of someone with just enough knowledge of English to be dangerous. Sure 'mountain range' is potentailly apropos for a camo backpack, and 'sphinx label' certainly has a touch of ancient mystery (if not modern coherence), but calling your product 'NOT...' is bit confusing. Not... what? Quality? Good for backpacking? Bulletproof? Still they are technically correct: this pack is NOT a mountain range...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humor

A fashion/luxury/lifestyle magazine here in HK. There are a ton of these publications here in HK, though this one has the most unique name i've come across. I assume they were going for a nifty play on 'lux', but splux sounds like sexual slang for the byproduct from an unmentionable sex act. Seem this issue highlights that 'legend of glory' himself, one Bruce Rockowitz(?). Never heard of him, but then I'm not into splux...

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor

I don't often get a chance to take shots of chinglish/english mutilation t-shirts here, as usually they are being, well, worn at the time. And rarely does the word generation approach the sublime level exhibited here. Seems they hit upon a positive theme at least, with heckuva (mispelled) gee whiz and celestial all being upbeat, though i love the musing shakespearean ending. Whatever betide my friends, whatever betide...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, humorous

This from the Nature Garden complex on Ma Wan Island, next to the more famous Noah's Ark attraction (who knew the ark was here under a bridge this whole time, and not on the slopes of Mt. Arrarat?). Anyway this is part of a well-intentioned green energy section of the park, complete with windmills and solar panels. Seems they decided to include methane production as well. So we have happy eco-critters(?) in hard hats, a hazard-taped cutaway container, whorls of feces, and some bewildered amoebic figures representing the methane producing bacteria. They look surprised to be there, perhaps wondering what evil they perpetrated to deserve this karmic fate. Note the pyro critter on top with the match, and the one holding his nose and tearing up from the stench below. I'm all for educating the kinder about green energy, but I'm afraid this one needs some work. Granted its a tall order to make methane production interesting to children (or anyone really), but a cutaway jar full of plastic manure and fart gas isn't going to cut it. No pun intended...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

A bus stop billboard from Jessica, a fashion mag here in HK. Still not sure if its named after HK starlet Jessica (like Oprah's O magazine in the US) or if they just decided that its a trendy sounding moniker. Anyway I was struck by the '480 must haves'. One cannot get by with a mere 479 essentials. And no such list is complete without a 'White BIble'. I assume this is a guide to wearing white, but perhaps its a guide to acting white, complete with mayonnaise recipes, outdated street slang, ideal wrangler jeans/college sweatshirt combinations, and the location of every TGIFriday's in the contiguous 48 states...

Tags: humor, chinglish, oddity, humorous, snide

A flyer from SOGO, the venerable Japanese department here in Causeway Bay. This is for one of their semiannual beauty product promotions, the 'spring beauty fair'. Apparently they will not only make you perfect, but your spouse/boyfriend as well, whether he wants it or not. While you're getting the Lancome' cyber-whitening, Bobbi Brown mascara match (you are such an Autumn!) and gold leaf/seaweed slim wrap, he's getting a brutal facial scrub with fist-sized Icelandic pumice, then a hearty backwaxing with authentic Brazilian beeswax, followed by forced shin implants - sorry dear, but princes are supposed to be tall. And of course there's the electroshock Pavlovian therapy to ween him of ESPN and Playstation; all the more time for listening - really listening - to your detailed constructive criticisms...

Tags: snide, oddity, humor

A bus side ad for yet another diet/slimming product here in HK. There is huge business in slimming products and treatments here, involving various exotic creams and questionable procedures, but this has to take top spot (for brand name recognition if nothing else). Hard to beat 'diligent fungus', even if the thought of willingly applying a relentless mold on your skin is more than a bit unsettling...



I've yet to find a better street shot, but I did manage to find this web banner ad. Seems Jen here depends on it to loose 20 lbs. in one month. Wow - that is miraculous. One hopes that she means 20 pounds of fat, and not, say, internal organs or brain tissue. Hate to have a bunch of 'invasion of the bodysnatcher' types shuffling about HK, pointing at chubby ladies who obviously haven't succumbed and unleashing that unearthly scream...

Tags: humor, fashion, oddity, dark side of HK

A billboard advertising milk from the mainland. Of course its highly unlikely that such verdant pastures exist anywhere in China; and while 'ecological grassland' sounds vaguely positive, it doesn't actually mean anything. Also considering China's infamous plastic additive (melamine) scandal, when the Chinese throw words like ecological around, one should be very wary. Still I have to give credit to the poor sods who had to photoshop the 'dairy cow' clouds (having done this once myself with the old AOL logo, i can attest that its a real pain in the ass to make clouds look both 'realistic' and recognizable as something else). But perhaps the bovine guardian spirits really are watching over this precious patch of idyllic green, and the photographer just got lucky...

Tags: satire, humor, oddity, disturbing mascots

A condiment pack from our friends at Dragon Air, a local HK/mainland carrier. Their food is pretty bad, even by airline food standards - actually even by chinese airline standards. Still they do get offsetting credit for choice of condiments - hard to top coconut tree god lantern hot pepper sauce (which my wife assures me is the correct translation from the mandarin above). In the interest of science i tried it - decent enough as hot sauces go, but i wonder if the coconut tree god would be proud of his worshippers...

Tags: super english force, oddity, humor

A shop window ad in Causeway Bay. I guess the folks at Kozy Corners (why didn't they spell corners with a k? - good question) felt they needed to add some energy to their soporific storefront. They're now exhorting customers to rise up and 'seize the comfort'. Yes, grab some prime Pier 1 bric-a-brac with both hands and ride that krazy kozy wave...

Tags: humor, oddity, chinglish

This real estate ad is unfortunately rather hard to read, but the tagline is 'masterpiece for the mastermind'. Seems they're trying to corner the local market on masterminds (and art aficionados, as masterminds often have expensive tastes). This is going to be a hard sell though - masterminds tend to want their own private HQ in a hollowed out volcano or refitted Latvian castle, rather than share space with the competition. Or maybe thats the point; the line does say 'mastermind' singular, so perhaps they're hoping to persuade a single supercriminal or evil scientist to take advantage of a readymade citadel. You supply the minions of course, but they supply the missile launch pad, deathray bay, and swimming pool - ready to stock with your own mutant sharks. Saltwater of course; and yes its hard to maintain and pricey, but no expense has been spared. Hell you can afford it - you're a mastermind...

Tags: chinglish, humor, oddity

A diet/slimming product here in HK, one of many. I'm assuming they mean 'bomb' as in destroy the fat, but the idea of a bomb of fat is unsettling. Really unsettling. Still it apparently qualifies for the 'No. 1' anthropomorphic thumb, making it the top-selling fat bomb on the market...

Tags: super english force, humor, oddity

A climbing outfit in Yangshuo. Seems Spiderman has a nice side business going for when he needs a break from the big city. For those who know climbing, there are some impressive climbs here, with a number of established 5-12+ routes readily accessible. Personally I would think twice about using this guy though. Sure he's a trusted crimefighter, selfless protector of innocent bystanders, and obviously he's knows his stuff, but he can climb any surface unassisted for chrissake. Imagine going out to the nearest karst and having Spidey scoot up a sheer wall with ease, then drop four stories, land in a fighting crouch, dust off his hands, then turn to you smiling and say 'OK, now you try it'...

Tags: humor, oddity, snide, super english force

A subway poster in Admiralty, announcing the 'International WOW Magic on Earth II' . Seems one show couldn't contain all the WOW. The name qualifies it for easy inclusion here - though Mr. Magic's mullet and silver blouse take a close second.



I later looked this extraganza up on the internets, and found a trove of wow-inducing (if somewhat disturbing) pickin's. First off there's the tagline:

7 Magic Masters Made You Feel The WOW Once In Your LIFE (I guess having sex, falling in love, etc don't actually produce WOW for most people; kind of sad actually...)

And the 7 Masters each have their own uniquely worded story as well. A few selections from the program guide:

Escape from Reality; He’s cool. She’s even cooler. The two meet in the magic arena. Only one can be the winner. So guess what’s next. (Death by... cooling?)

Story of High Heel; A magician with a heart full of love. A pair of high heels. A romantic story is about to begin. (I really hope this isn't a shoe fetish thing...)

"He" is in a Bar; This ‘guy’ in the Magic Bar – what will he serve up next? (I really don't know what to do with this one. Is 'he' a she? Does that magically influence his/her bartending somehow?)

And the best of the bunch - Moments with Mr. Magic; Mr. Magic would WOW you with the Wondrous World of Wonders. (A whole new take on www...)

The site also provided some choice bio information on our WOW-ists. I had no idea Magic had so many championships, certificates, and awards. Here are just a few:

...awarded twice in the World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and has a Master’s Degree in the F.F.F.F. Original Close-up Magic Convention USA...

...the first Japanese to win the Magic Manipulation World Championship in World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and the Golden Lion Award in Las Vegas...

and finally Mr. Magic's CV: He is the only complete conjurer in Hong Kong... the only magician in Asia held AIMC Silver Star membership of the British Magic Circle and the only Hong Kong magician featured in Hollywood Magic Castle in the US... has a Bachelor Degree in the Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic Original Close-up Magic Convention...

Both the magic circle and the magic castle? But - but how? Ahh yes, magic. And yes thats 'Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic'. Think about that for a second. OK that's enough...

Tags: chinglish, oddity, satire

A music/movie outlet in TST; the name pretty much says it all. There are tons of DVD places like this here, all suspiciously similar, though this one really is quite cheap (maybe not such a bad name after all). They have the all usual cantopop available - note the 'Love Mi' poster (more on her later), as well as the latest hong kong martial arts blockbuster 'bodyguards and assassins' (make up your minds gentlemen, you can't be both). Ironically that DVD is outrageously overpriced....

Tags: super english force, snide, chinglish, oddity

The airport bar at the new airport in Guilin China. Seems they're hoping to cater to a... burgeoning Irish population? Unfortunately they have a few of the specifics wrong; generally shamrocks are not purple, and generally Irishmen don't eat rice noodles. They do have Guinness however, which easily counterbalances these minor points. Actually having Guinness counterbalances the just about everything...

Tags: super english force, oddity

You may have seen these insufferable (and insanely expensive) porcelain figures. Apparently they are a US franchise, though I've only seen them in asia. Anyway the basic premise is sad-puppy eyed toddler combined with hallmark card schlock (note the heart carved into the tree stump - which can be customized I'm told). They have several outlets in high-end malls here, allowing older customers an option beyond anime, hello kitty and pokemon merchandise.



Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity, humor

A toy from Guilin. Usually the mainland toy knock-offs try to get close to the copied product (enough for allusion if nothing else), but I suppose these guys aren't taking any chances with infringement. So rather than go for Transformingers or Optimum Primus Trucker, they've decided to go with the baffling moniker 'Variety King Kong'. If nothing else they're sure to throw the lawyers off the scent with this one...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity

From a diet supplement package here in HK. The good people at 'slim partner' have hit upon an exciting slimming aid - 'natural functional body fluid'. Unfortunately the closely related term 'bodily fluids' carries rather negative connotations in the US, usually something from a crime scene or unseemly sex act. It is 'natural' and 'functional' though, so thats good(?). Perhaps its best that the ingredients are listed in Chinese...

Tags: super english force, oddity, dark side of HK

A poster for 'Dream Wedding - Leon Live in Macao 2010'. Leon is a cantopop (HK's own brand of sickly sweet pop/R&B) uberlegend. From his website promo:
Lai first broke in to the Asian entertainment scene as the second runner-up in the 1986 New Talent Singing Awards. A record contract followed, as did fame when his debut album 1990s Meet the Rain went gold. Success followed with a series of chart-topping releases among them the award-winning single Not One Day I Dont Think of You... Lai was later crowned one of the 'Four Heavenly Kings of Canto-pop'...
Seems he's tired of ruling heaven (or a quarter of it at least), and is back on the comeback trail; he's decided to usher in 2010 with a 'dream wedding' tour. Unfortunately Leon's dreams appear to involve razors, disembodied female body parts (bleeding paint all over everything, even on his otherwise immaculate tux). Other highlights include flights of fighter jets and WWII bombers, ferris wheels, headless poledancers, and a truly disturbing female torso equiped with a camera simulating male genitalia. Yow. Don't know what to do with that one. Anyway I think I'll stick to tamer fare, like a Heironymous Bosch painting, or maybe one of those quaint Saw movies...

Tags: oddity, satire, snide

An ad from one of the soccer sites I occasionally peruse. Seems for a mere $USD 69.95 you can get the '#1 personal protection body armour for the world cup 2010'. Nothing says 'sit back and relax' quite like the constant chafing presence of a bulky kevlar vest. You'll soon forget you're wearing it! No doubt you'll also soon forget to look behind you every 2.4 seconds for possible kidnappers, or check everyone's hands within 150 sq meters, or triangulating sniper positions, or vaguely bulging bags, or those suspicious (and admittedly damned annoying) plastic trumpets, or half drunk cups of beer placed 'accidentally' beside you.. just relax and enjoy the game!

Tags: fashionique, oddity

An American web ad promoting the arts. I'm all for increasing exposure and arts education in the US (which in general is woefully underfunded etc) but 'raisin brahms'? Not going to resonate with the kinder I'm afraid. This smacks of 'seemed like a good idea at the time' brainstorming. Maybe the boss came up with this 'clever' pun, and no one could countermand them; then again 'feed your kids the Arts!" isn't exactly lighting up the sky either...

Tags: super english force, oddity

While browsing the local Toys 'R Us, I happened upon the interestingly named iFairy ('graceful and efficient', with 'super wide infrared control' no less - certainly sounds impressive). Seems they're jumping on the "i - clever product name" bandwagon a bit late. Unfortunately doesn't really look like a fairy, and definitely not a cyber-enchanced i-pixie. One would expect futuristic metallic wings, or at least a USB connector...



Also upon closer inspection, I noticed it looks suspiciously like the iBird a few boxes down. Hmmm. Now a cynic would say that the iFairy is just the iBird with 'fairy' coloring and pink packaging. A cynic mind you...

Tags: super english force, oddity

A small 'hallway' store in Causeway Bay. Interesting name, but judging by the empty hooks, I guess they didn't have much style yesterday either...

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

A game in the local Toys 'R Us - Mind Attack Spider Game. Not sure how you play exactly, but apparently if you hit the spider robot with your infrared laser, it 'screams and falls'. Not for the faint of heart. One can only imagine the chronic nightmares visited upon some unfortunate, overly imaginative seven year old: trapped in the middle of a sprawling spider's web; assaulted by endless waves of demonic cyborg arachnids (who scream in unearthly rage when you do manage to hit one of them); but they're just too many of them, and the nicad batteries in your tiny infrared laster pistol are running low... Perhaps 'Mind F*ck' would be better.

Tags: super english force, oddity

A nice little gem I caught on the ESPN(?) sports page; a breaking banner headline concerning American baseball. Seems the St. Louis Cardinals have agreed to a seven-year, $120 million (USD) deal with... the St. Louis Cardinals. This according to consummate insider John Heyman (just the kind of info only a seasoned, well-connected reporter like him could unearth). A truly stunning development. Apparently a Mr. Holliday will also get a 'full no-trade clause' thrown in. I assume the Cardinals have also agreed in principle not to trade... the Cardinals?

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity

A pair of socks for sale at a stall in North Point. I hope this one is intentional, as its pretty cheeky (as sock names go anyway). Of course thats assuming you know what 'hootchie cootchie' means; in the US at least its dated slang for having sex, originally the name of a ribald faux belly dance craze in the late 1800s. Anyway it seems the good people at Wai Shun Socks Knitting Factory (Ltd) want you to have said sex with your socks on, which would obviously be great for business. According to their sales blurb online, these socks are 'ladies computerised patterned... unique designed socks with smooth and soft feeling... easy to match with various dress code'. I guess if your dress code consists of just socks, then yes they do match rather well...

Tags: super english force, fashionique, oddity

A somber billboard for PageOne (arguably the best english-language bookstore in HK). Read every day - Even if you read books every day, you'll still never finish reading all the books in the world - but do make it a ritual. What's the point here exactly? Of course you'd never finish all the books in the world; this sounds more like don't bother, or what the hell, stave off the inevitable. I could understand a do not go gently into that good night inspirational tone, or even so read what you love vibe, but this makes it all sound rather overwhelming and pointless, like do brush your teeth, even though they'll all decay and rot out of your head regardless...



It reminds me of those death countdown clocks that used to pop up in airline catalogues, usually in 'the sharper image' or similar executive toy section. They would digitally display your statistical time of death as a 'reminder' to get things done. Or to not bother...

Tags: super english force, oddity

A sign in Wanchai advertising the sizes available at a local fashion outlet. For those who've wondered where those unfortunate 1,000 pounders get their clothes, perhaps here's your answer. I've had to buy XXL here on occasion (the 'Asian XL', as they call it here, is actually between to a M and L in the US). So even assuming US sizes, if you weigh over 500 lbs. your sh*t out of luck. I think this signage may backfire though; can't imagine a plus-size clientele appreciate the ever-expanding size of the Xs...

Tags: fashionique, oddity

PIzza Hut's latest mutant pizza idea - seems cheese injected into a hollow tube crust wasn't pushing the envelope far enough. Now we have StarzBites! I haven't seen one of these abominations in person, but apparently its a crust with 18 individual 'bites' attached like spokes, each stuffed with a 2-tone cheese stick (note the z-shaped flourish on top - nice touch - very starzy). The actual pizza is topped with scallops, peaches, pineapple, 'embedded' sausage slices, 'intertwining' mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, and 'innovative' miracle island sauce (thousand island dressing being a common alternative to tomato sauce here in HK and in Japan). Hell who wouldn't want to partake of such a multi-faceted, multi-dimensional treat, if only to be a part of history? I'm feeling more starzy just by looking at it. As for the name, what else are you going to call it? Spokeybites? Sporez?

Tags: food, oddity, super english force

If you've ever wondered where the place is - the original location that spawned the now time-worn expression - well now you have your answer. Apparently its been in a strip mall in Malaysia all this time. Who knew? Its also an 'overtime cafe & lounge', so if you've just pulled an extra shift at work, just swing by Borneo for a quick bite or pick me up...

Tags: super english force, oddity, food

A window poster from the Head Shop 2, a salon I've posted on before. Seems now they're offering would-be snipers a chance to take out a pesky special forces kitty with a head shot. He's apparently infiltrated their 'shine' product line, and is taking cover behind the 'silk fusion' conditioner. I like the little helmet, but the cat-sized M1 automatic rifle really kicks this up a notch. He may be good, but as you can see by the tracking crosshairs, his counterinsurgency days are numbered...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre

This is a 3D puzzle(?) sold in Wanchai. A bit hard to read, but its officially 'revolving pavilion, palace of westminster. I was unaware that Westminster Palace had a revolving pavilion; must be for the Queen's private use. I googled it later, and its actually from Poland; and here I thought this was another case of a Chinese marketing guy ginning up more nonsensical (but impressive sounding) English combinations. My apologies to the many Chinese marketing guys who peruse this site. Love the crowned 'R' and full moon, though...

Tags: super english force, oddity, bizarre