A music/movie outlet in TST; the name pretty much says it all. There are tons of DVD places like this here, all suspiciously similar, though this one really is quite cheap (maybe not such a bad name after all). They have the all usual cantopop available - note the 'Love Mi' poster (more on her later), as well as the latest hong kong martial arts blockbuster 'bodyguards and assassins' (make up your minds gentlemen, you can't be both). Ironically that DVD is outrageously overpriced....

Tags: super english force, snide, chinglish, oddity

You may have seen these insufferable (and insanely expensive) porcelain figures. Apparently they are a US franchise, though I've only seen them in asia. Anyway the basic premise is sad-puppy eyed toddler combined with hallmark card schlock (note the heart carved into the tree stump - which can be customized I'm told). They have several outlets in high-end malls here, allowing older customers an option beyond anime, hello kitty and pokemon merchandise.



Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity, humor

Two clothing outlets in Yangshou - the bitter rivals Dancing Wolves and Septwolves. Not sure if september wolves is a reference to some uprising or revolution, or an obscure Chinese folktale. Nasty looking wolf though (doesn't look good on a polo shirt) in marked contrast to the suave film noir icon for 'dancing'. I'm guessing dancing wolves is more for sweetly dangerous ladykillers, ready to sweep a dame off her feet with some hard-nosed, soft-hearted detective work, while septwolves goes for the aggressive 'hunting in packs' type, usually seen at sports bars or a Hooters happy hour, howling for more chicken wings and twofer pitchers, making endless boorish passes at the long suffering waitresses. You don't want to be on the streets when a pack of septwolves stumbles upon some dancing wolves; the dancers swinging in to deliver some ironic oneliners and solid uppercuts, the septwolves gangtackling, spewing sports analogies and Schwarzenegger quotes...

Tags: fashion, snide, satire

A new store in Yangshuo, home of those iconic jungle-covered, mist shrouded outcroppings you always see in Chinese paintings (and yes they really do look that way). Maybe it just me, but this up-and-coming Chinese brand bears more than a passing resemblance to adidas. Hmmm... its almost like they took a chunk of the logo and turned it 90 degrees, and used an identical font. Or perhaps a young entrepeneur named Adi Vonsler (or Vonsler Adi to use the asian convention) decided to follow his passion, just like a young german named Adi Dassler. Coincedence? Harmonic convergence? Or blatant copyright violation? You decide...

Tags: fashion, super english force, snide

A poster for 'Dream Wedding - Leon Live in Macao 2010'. Leon is a cantopop (HK's own brand of sickly sweet pop/R&B) uberlegend. From his website promo:
Lai first broke in to the Asian entertainment scene as the second runner-up in the 1986 New Talent Singing Awards. A record contract followed, as did fame when his debut album 1990s Meet the Rain went gold. Success followed with a series of chart-topping releases among them the award-winning single Not One Day I Dont Think of You... Lai was later crowned one of the 'Four Heavenly Kings of Canto-pop'...
Seems he's tired of ruling heaven (or a quarter of it at least), and is back on the comeback trail; he's decided to usher in 2010 with a 'dream wedding' tour. Unfortunately Leon's dreams appear to involve razors, disembodied female body parts (bleeding paint all over everything, even on his otherwise immaculate tux). Other highlights include flights of fighter jets and WWII bombers, ferris wheels, headless poledancers, and a truly disturbing female torso equiped with a camera simulating male genitalia. Yow. Don't know what to do with that one. Anyway I think I'll stick to tamer fare, like a Heironymous Bosch painting, or maybe one of those quaint Saw movies...

Tags: oddity, satire, snide

A small 'hallway' store in Causeway Bay. Interesting name, but judging by the empty hooks, I guess they didn't have much style yesterday either...

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

A nice little gem I caught on the ESPN(?) sports page; a breaking banner headline concerning American baseball. Seems the St. Louis Cardinals have agreed to a seven-year, $120 million (USD) deal with... the St. Louis Cardinals. This according to consummate insider John Heyman (just the kind of info only a seasoned, well-connected reporter like him could unearth). A truly stunning development. Apparently a Mr. Holliday will also get a 'full no-trade clause' thrown in. I assume the Cardinals have also agreed in principle not to trade... the Cardinals?

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity

From the Kota Kinabalu tourist map. Borneo is known for its orangutans and headhunters, but its the world famous 'lifestyle hypermalls' that really pack in the tourists. And this is the largest of them all, dwarfing the other 58 in the province. These hypermalls exist in at least 8 extra dimensions, allowing innocuous looking complexes like this to hold over 38,000 stores...

Tags: fashionique, super english force, snide

An appropriate first posting for 2010; from a bag in a fashion outlet in Wanchai. With global warming worsening (and conservative 'deniers' helping it along) the world needs protection more than ever, and its upgraded its private security force with some ex-Navy Seals armed to the teeth (adding some much needed firepower to its usual security detail - doves, flowers and dragonflies). I love the bizarre inclusion of art nouveau scrollwork; really brings the image together. Honestly the first time I've seen 'the Earth' actually refer to itself as a man, but maybe with the new year it's decided to go with a phrase that will resonate more with its old boy network adversaries - "That's MISTER Earth to you, a**hole!"

Tags: super english force, snide

A banner ad from one of the soccer sites I peruse - I think its ESPN. Anyway their soccer store now carries the one accessory every true soccer fan must have - national team themed nutcrackers! Note the soccer mullet (an Argentine specialty), headband and pitch (not to scale). Nothing says pride in your side like a properly attired nutcracker; nothing strikes fear in the hearts of your traditional arch-rivals. Imagine the terror and grudging respect your Brazilian friends will display when confronted with an Argentine nutcracker, complete with dead eyes and goatee. Time to crack some nuts, mi amigo, and you know whose nuts i'm talkin' about!

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

A store sign in Causeway Bay. I too believe it is time for a revolution in bling bling - for too long the women of HK have been forced to wear dull pewter necklaces, cubic zirconium jewelry and mouseskin stoles. It's time for 24K gold by the pound, 2" wide jade bracelets, and diamond collared mink coats. Of course there have already been several such revolutions here - to say nothing of the infamous sequin encrusted t-shirt and silvery stretchpants rebellions - but I digress...

Tags: fashionique, snide

A poster for an upcoming HK play, a wacky sendup full of 'accidental' physical contact, embarrassed stuttering, and genial computer geekery. The protagonists apparently include 'Rosa the steamy hot secretary' and 'Tyson the perpetually stunned accountant'. Checkout the madcap shenanigans below - Rosa crossing her legs just as Tyson reaches for her knee. How deliciously ribald - just like the real Microsoft Office!



Note the 'explorer pointer hand' and subtly redesigned logo, complete with 'pinching' hands and tiny male/female symbols. Hey, that looks just like the real office logo! Suffice to say the play's title won't be helping to dispel that nasty stereotype about asian males, as it brings to mind the (now ancient) joke about Microsoft being named after BIll Gates' genitalia...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

A bus stop ad for Hotcha's latest album, Shall We Shall We Dance Love. Interesting band name too; the term 'hotcha' was big about what, 70 years ago? Why not call yourselves 'flapper', or 'charleston'? Anyway the titles etc are pretty tame by HK standards; its the list of names at the lower right that got my attention. Seems we have Crystal, Winkie, and Regen, Cheeky Girls all. Perhaps they are all rather cheeky individually, but collectively form a singularity of pure Cheeky Girl energy, ready to be unleashed in a veritable Dance Love explosion. Shall we shall we? Oh yes, we shall...

Tags: fashionique, snide

Two huge billboards on the WTC arcade in Causeway Bay. The tagline - and the bizarre outfits - epitomize HK's ongoing quest for girly cuteness and uberfashion. If only some brave fashion outlet would combine the two... Quite a combo as well - pillbox hat, old world parisian ruffles, chaste schoolgirl ankle socks, and 5" heels with yard-long bows.



There's another towering ad outside. I'm guessing this one is based on a Victorian harlequin lamp - haute indeed. Wonder if that golden light really shines down from the lampshade/skirt though...

Apparently 'Haute Couture + Lifestyle = MORE' also. Note that the 'M' is actually a stylized 1+1, for reasons known only to the ad agency. So... according to my admittedly rusty arithmetic... girlish pretty + delicacy = 1+1(m)ore = haute couture + lifestyle. Any questions?

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

Updated links to some of my other satire/humor offerings. Hope you enjoy them.


Feathertale: Bonobos, Transmogrified Barbie Library & Tangential Insights

http://www.feathertale.com/Fiction/quoted_scenes.htm

http://www.feathertale.com/Fiction/said_spew.htm

http://feathertale.com/Fiction/barbie.htm


McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Yub Jub Means Devour the Weak & Progressive Cowpoke

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/6/2mcardle.html

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/8/8mcardle.html


The Big Jewel: Shaolin Monks & Quimby's Revenge

http://www.thebigjewel.com/tag/dan-mcardle/


Monkeybicycle: Circumstances Under Which I will Bite

http://www.monkeybicycle.net/archive/McArdle/bite.html


Also I have quite a few pieces up on Yankee Pot Roast. Even got my own archive (actually everybody gets an archive, but it sounds impressive...)

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/daniel_mcardle/

Here are a few of the better ones:

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2009/08/brutally_realis.html

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2009/01/thomas_jefferso.html

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2008/07/other_entities.html

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2008/07/over_the_partit.html

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2008/06/we_will_stop_at.html

Tags: links, snide, satire

A blurb on a local HK tissue brand's packaging. I love the phrasing; why not "we could be in error, but we are relatively confident that this could indeed be the spongiest." Definitely top three...



They also have a product that purports to (possibly) be the 'thriftiest'. Can paper towels be thrifty? I suppose it sounds better than 'stingiest'...

Tags: super english force, snide

Promotional copy from our friends at Windsor Place (again). This is one of those odd little blurbs that adorn temporary construction partitions, and as such I wonder if anyone else has actually read it - surely not the guy who wrote it. HK is ablaze with signs like these, that appear to be composed by ancient software that randomly assembles similar words, like 'desire' and 'exquisite', into fancy sounding chains. These are then slapped up without the benefit of having a fluent speaker proof them for obvious errors or bizarre meanings. I actually thought about starting a firm to proofread stuff like this, assuming that anyone who put the time (and money) into such signage wouldn't want to look silly to english speaking clientele; but several locals pointed out that the english blurbs aren't for the native speakers, but for mainlanders and locals. Dress up anything with impressive sounding english words and it seems more 'classy'. Still these are more sublime than most:

May the fond for shopping be appeased in here by the freshness
Now is the time for a new reign in town...
Come upon your feet to excite your shopping spree...
Majestic piece of shopping heaven, beautiful exquisite renova(tion?)
Here we are. Never stops the shopping!




And finally this blurb nearby - We strive for an exquisite growth, and let your shopping desire flow... let's touch and go.... oh yes, lets.

Tags: super english force, snide

Another one of Ocean Park's Halloween characters, this one complete with her own funhouse at Times Square. I guess an undead 'tai tai' (slang for a rich housewife of a certain age with money and time to burn) amassing huge credit card bills from beyond the grave is truly horrifying by HK standards. And that purse - so last season!



And here's her 'house' - filled with Ocean Park Halloween memorabilia from yesteryear and funhouse mirrors. NIce touch with the coffin-shaped door...



There's also this geriatric vampire; he really looks like he's 500 years old, shuffling along behind you. "I'm a-comin' to drink your... blood? yes blood goddamn smart ass whippersnappers... just let me get a-goin' here... no respect for your elders..."

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, halloween

A web ad from CNN's sports page, which reminds us that Asia hardly has a monopoly on bizarrely named products (and unintentional sexual innuendo). The name 'anytizers' is ridiculous enough for inclusion here, but 'meaty good man food?' And it looks much more like dog food than 'man food'; I love how they are literally tumbling of the plate, a veritable cornucopia of pre-chewed meatballs (which I assume - as a Tyson product - taste vaguely chicken-ish). Definitely on a par with the 'beefy cheesy glory' McDonald's billboard posted a few months back. Maybe its the same ad agency...

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

The poster below is for the inexplicably well-received "Planet of the Lang Mo", a show by HK comedian Jim Chow, the guy responsible for those annoying Giordano 'cheer u up' t-shirts. If you haven't seen these, they have the classic round yellow happy face motif, but with x's for eyes. In the US at least this signifies being drunk or knocked senseless, which is appropriate for anyone wearing this stuff...



Anyway Mr. Chow has put all his considerable comedic talents (and craaazy facial expressions!) into his latest vehicle, a critique of the 'lang mo' phenomenon here in HK. According to one fawning website, ”Lang Mo” is a slang term used to describe “a teenage girl who is prepared to dress and show off her hot body at public functions in a way that, in previous years, could only be seen in adult magazines”... Hmmm. It seems Mr. Chow has come up with several hilarious incarnations, ranging from 'Cheapy Queeny' to 'Hallow Kitty' to "Banana Baby' (the less said about the latter the better). Mr. Chow has no doubt pulled HK comedy (and crossdressing?) down a few levels closer to hell in the process...

Tags: super english force, snide, disturbing mascots

A bus-side ad for the Creation Dance Academy, headed by the dynamic - and excitingly coiffed! - Kenji





Actually the name is rather tame by HK standards, but as a graphic designer I am blessed/cursed with noticing logos far more than most people. I have to say this is one of the worst I've ever come across; I love the tango couple's oddly morphed bodies, but the head-exploding magic emanating from the woman's swooping hand really takes it up a notch. I'm guessing Kenji commissioned this logo to represent the dramatic demise of CDA's founder; his dance partner had generated so much passion that as she swept her hand up to touch his trembling cheek, it accidently arced and ignited his hair spray (producing a fabulous if tragic finale to an otherwise magical dance creation).

Tags: super english force, snide

These are a few of the more memorable knock-off brands slated to grace a refurbished mall in Causeway Bay; "Democracy of Nevermind" is my personal favorite. Several are actually well-executed logos, but utterly nonsensical, such as "Trunk Ltd.- A Moment in Time". What the hell is that supposed to mean? And of course there's "Barak" - no doubt inspired by our - inspirational(!) president, though you'd think they'd at least get the spelling right. I actually like the juxtaposition of "1% Barak" too; now that would make an interesting brand name. Like to see the tagline -"When it comes to Barak, all you need is 1%"...

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity

An old shot from Macau I stumbled across this weekend. According to this watch, err timepiece, retailer, in the future all men will wear body armor (eerily similiar to Cylons in the original Battlestar Galactica) and don catcher's masks - yes from American baseball, all you cricketeers; no floppy hats and sweater vests in the 22nd century. And complimenting this potent protection is thier laser shielded, vacuum proofed timepiece - which you can still snorkel with, to a depth of 3 meters! It seems Mad Max got it all wrong - no mohawks, dreadlocks or hockey masks. Just exquisite catcher's apparel. And watches.

Tags: fashionique, oddity, snide

From the packaging of a set of kiddie stickers given to my youngest daughter. Unfortunately a bit hard to read here, but it says "we have hopes because we have love" under the big "Sticker" label. While dressing up products with nonsensical English phrasing is quite typical in Asia, few if any offer such stirring musings as this. Yes, sometimes its the little things that remind you of what's truly important in life, things like hopes, love, and stickers...

Makes for a great mantra too - we have hopes because we have love, and we have love because we have sticker, and we have sticker because we have hopes, and...

.

Tags: super english force, snide, chinglish

More disturbing images from the Mickey street art extravaganza. It seems Mickey's finally had enough of some pushy paparazzi. I'm unsure what he's supposed to be standing in front of - a monstrous Rubik's cube(?). He's seems to have snapped and his now out for blood, screaming full-throated obscenities, eyes blazing, spittle flying.

He's joined by the newest member of his posse', 'Beedy', known for his namesake (disturbingly low set) eyes, and for wearing his mickey mouse pants at "old man armpit level". Sure hope security steps in before Mickey and Beedy give an old fashion Disney beat down, maybe with his gal Minnie stepping in to get a solid kick to the paparazzo's ribs with her signature red stilettos...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, bizarre, snide

This is a street mural in deepest Kennedy Town, part of a wall section of student art dedicated to ant-drug messaging. While I applaud the idea and effort, a few were too extraordinary to pass up. This panel illustrates the truly awesome destructive power of math -specifically addition and multiplication; it's literally streaming out in waves from our studious hero - with help from his backpack and textbooks - painfully smiting the various drugs and drug paraphenalia around him. As our hero grows in expertise, he will no doubt add the disciplines of subtraction and division to his devastating arsenal...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

This is from a rather unsettling Mickey Mouse 'edgy' art exhibition at Times Square in Causeway Bay. I managed to get a few pictures without all the people - more adults than children - posing with them, but honestly I had to wait for about 10 minutes for a clear shot.

Disney is insanely popular in China and HK; we even have our own themepark over at Hong Kong Disney. But I guess the folks over at marketing wanted to nail down the art gallery set as well. So we have the Mickey God Hands, which allow fans to pretend they are about to be scooped up by the Mouse himself. But beware, for he may suddenly lift you up to his bottomless black eyes and lay bare your disney product consumption. And woe to any who are held in those gloves and found wanting...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

Of the many mustachioed turtle jelly masters in HK, Master Ng is no doubt the most famous. It seems years ago he stumbled upon Chinese-medicinal stardom when he combined two powerful marketing concepts - quality fresh turtle collagen herbal jelly and iconic facial hair - into one winning formula. And having exquisite taste in clothes didn't hurt either; note the sharkskin jacket and white tie:





As you can see by this montage from his website, Master Ng uses only the finest tubs and refrigerators for his products, and truly industrial strength binders to hold his voluminous research. As for why the emphasis on 'freshly reproduced turtles', look no further than this handy FAQ:




I wonder if Master Ng ever sees his reflection in one of the Versailles-scale mirrors at his palatial estate, and curses his symbiotic mustache; it has given him great fame and fortune, yes... but at such terrible personal cost...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide, cosmo

A storefront in Kowloon near the Science Museum. Unfortunately Trendyland was closed when we happened by, so I don't know what exciting new brands etc are available here. Judging by their sign I'm thinking they are actually a decade (if not more) behind the latest hot trends, so no Lady Gaga or Wii consoles. But great deals on acid-washed jeans, Miami Vice pastel jackets, and Hootie and the Blowfish CDs - all at trendy prices of course.

Tags: super english force, snide

An older billboard in Mong Kok. Dare to enter the fabled lanyard kingdom, and stand before the mighty lanyard king himself, Lanyo IX. He greets all visitors with a welcoming 'lei' flowered lanyard, complete with an ID card to access your sumptuous guest chambers. He himself wears a magnificent gold lanyard, with but one tiny key - to his heart...

But beware, the lanyard kingdom is patented, so any attempt to start your own neck-accessory empire will meet with fierce resistance from Lanyo IX's crack legal team.

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

A truly bizarre watch store ad. The tag line 'time is love' is innocent enough, but what the enigmatic phrase has to do with hugging gigantic mutant bunnies and wolves is beyond me. Are the animals supposed to be symbolic of time and love? So how is the bunny 'time'? And if the wolf is symbolic of love... and the model is wearing a red dress as opposed to virginal white... hmmm...



I just checked the internets, and found this helpful blurb: Rather than using the well-established ‘Timeless Love’ tagline in the 90s, the theme has been remodeled to ‘Time is Love’. The campaign has kicked off with... ads questioning the idea of love... statistical results from the Hong Kong population are tagged under sections detailing topics such as the amount of money each gender spends on the other, the percentage of people believing in eternal love, or the amount of time each gender spends in preparation for a date. People are also invited to access a designated micro-site and Facebook group to voice their opinions on love, with the best most celebrated comment destined to win a five-star spa treatment and Solvil et Titus products."

Wow. Have to say this is one of the finest distillations of hong kong culture I've ever come across; unabashed marketing and consumerism with absolutely no sense of humor or irony. By the way if you're curious what gender of HK residents most believes in eternal love, its 'female'...

Tags: cosmo, snide, bizarre

This is a sign from the local Burger King in Pennsylvania. I was initially intrigued by the term 'stackicon' and assumed it was some transformers tie-in; much to my consternation I found that I was correct. By the way our friends at the Gettysburg 'BK Lounge' (as we lovingly referred to it in high school) didn't bother to check the spelling, but it seems 'Stackticon' is a play on 'stackers', a BK sandwich you can stack - how clever.



Anyway out of morbid curiosity i looked up the term and found this ad blurb: In honor of the new movie "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," Burger King introduces the BK BBQ Stackticon, which allows consumers to build their sandwich as big or tall as they want with unlimited beef, cheese and bacon... Out of even more morbid curiosity I looked up the site itself, as was greeted with this disturbing image:



Yow. I should mention that the dollar bills float independently around the site for no reason. You can also roll over the king and get his 'transformer power ratings', one of which is for 'creepiness'. Love the hair.

One final morbid etc etc search, yielded a real stackticon - thankfully someone had gone to the trouble of providing shots of both the advertised ideal and the actual sandwich together:



So all in all a rather pathetic but resonant slice of contemporary American culture, stacked for your convenience (I know I know I couldn't resist):
a truly awful movie - and yes it is as awful as all those snooty critics say it is;
the inevitable fast-food marketing tie-in, but does it transform into anything other than 2 lbs of human fat? Alas no;
and the option for American consumers to add as much beef cheese and bacon as they can, which is a lot...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide, oddity

This is a puzzle from my parents house, that someone gave to my older brother at a toy fair. I guess 'hypocritically self-righteous man' and 'biblical quotes taken out of context to support my narrow religious beliefs man' were already taken. Not sure what his powers are exactly: quoting obscure bible passages to confound his liberal enemies? "...and Josiah begat his son Jebediah, and yea they did lay down with Yellenite whores and know them. Then fourscore years later did their progeny rise up and punish those same Yellenites for their sinful combining of wool and cotton..". So obviously, postal union organizers of the Tri-Cities area, you must repent your liberal ways or face the wrath of Yahweh!" (the same passage from Leviticus that evangelicals always quote to justify gay people being damned etc. also recommends death to anyone wearing wool and cotton together, so I guess all those righteous Southern senators in pristine wool suits and spotless cotton shirts are damned as well... but I digress).

Anyway, whatever power Bibleman possesses apparently allows him to shatter the 'Prince of Pride'. Have to say that this is the lamest version of Satan I've ever come across; I guess a cyborg suit with a green plexiglass eye attachment is all they could afford over at Talicor Puzzles. Perhaps the glass magnifies his prideful stare! Can't see bible camp kids trembling in fear of him though - he looks more like a lower echelon Power Rangers villain, without the usual rubber antennae and mandibles. You do get a free poster though, so thats something...

Tags: disturbing mascots, snide

Another Tokyo arcade game from last xmas. You can't read the name unfortunately, but this game is called "Prisoner of Love" in the upper right-hand corner. Maybe its from an old Japanese poem - my tears fall like drumbeats upon my video parlor taiko drums... maybe not.

Anyway I couldn't get this thing to work, and no one came up to play, so I don't know how you 'free your love', though I assume it's like dance dance revolution etc, and that you have to match the games cadence with your own drums. A good workout at least, and far safer than the Beeterro ride mentioned earlier. Unless the prisoner of love is Godzilla, and playing them just right unleashes him (again) on Tokyo. Never Osaka, always Tokyo.

Tags: super english force, oddity, snide

Another forgotten laptop image, this one a bus-side ad for "I Corrupt All Cops" a Hong Kong original movie. I just thought the name was hilarious to be honest, though I'm glad I looked it up - the title is a 'clever' play on the abbreviation “ICAC”, the Independent Commission Against Corruption, an infamous anti-corruption force set up in the '70s to clean up HK's notoriously corrupt police force.

The director, Wong Jing, is famous here for his over-the-top violence and shlock factor, and this movie apparently doesn't dissappoint. As per usual in these films, the characters have puzzling english names which have nothing to do the movie, like Gold (Wong Jing himself), Gale, a womanizing lieutenant, and a foul-mouthed detective suitably called Unicorn. Interesting how many foul mouthed cops have 'unicorn' as a nickname, considering that unicorns in the wild are actually renowned for their brutality...

Tags: super english force, snide

A restaurant/bar/refueling station near the famed Monterey Aquarium (which I highly recommend by the way). Unfortunately we were already committed to Mexican food, so I was unable to sample the (no doubt cleverly named) wares at Sly's. Also I did want to include a few American signs from our visit here, just to remind my loyal reader(s) that Hong Kong has serious competition for surreal names and preposterous advertising.

I was really hoping that this was a literary reference to a John Steinbeck character (author of Grapes of Wrath and local homegrown celebrity). Alas I looked it up on the internets, and there isn't a lovable conman/trickster named 'sly mcfly' anywhere; neither is there a token 'hip' black character in an '80s movie who exclaims 'nice goin' sly mcfly' as the achingly dorky but lovable protagonist trips and spills his entire lunch tray all over his beloved 'secret' cheerleader crush...

Tags: super english force, snide

Yet another entry from the odious pages of SkyMall - the world's largest crossword puzzle - for the world's loneliest bachelor. Still smarting from his recent layoff and divorce, our hero decides its time to make a serious dent in his latest purchase, with a ZIMA fueled 3 day marathon session. Let's listen in:

"OK... OK... focus! Got to go easy on the ZIMA bro, you only have two 4-packs left... I think I need some more Chex Party Mix to coat my tummy. OK where was I... Aha! Just a quick glance in the convenient 3,286-page guide... what's a 8 letter word for 'very, very sad'? Hmmm..."

Tags: oddity, snide, sad

Another garden accessory from our friends at Toscano in the SkyMall catalog. Nothing compliments a garden yeti quite like a lifesize zombie erupting from your azaleas. His official name is the "Zombie of Montclaire Moors(?)", or Monty for short.

Here is an excerpt from the ad copy: not for the faint of heart...will claw his way out of your garden (and into your heart!)... office or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the most lifelike eyes you've ever seen..you'll swear you can hear him breathing!" Definitely a surefire conversation starter, either with your children's new psychiatrist friend or with the ambulance crew sent over to resuscitate grandpa...

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

From the infamous SkyMall catalog on our flight from San Francisco to DC. Now you too can have your every own garden yeti, over 2 feet of mysterious (until now!) primate, guaranteed to spark lively conversation and terrify neighborhood children. Apparently garden gnomes are no longer a viable kitsch option, thanks to travelocity's annoying ad campaign, which they stole by the way. (In the interest of full disclosure I must confess to owning an 'alien yard gnome' in our backyard in DC, appropriately named 'Roswell'). Note that he's posed like the famous film still of Bigfoot - and yes I've watched enough bad TV - think 'Monsterquest on the History Channel - to recognize it instantly.

Several noteworthy things about the garden yeti - the catalog calls him 'Bigfoot the Garden Yeti': an incredibly uninspired and confusing nickname, like 'Puma the Tiger'; also everyone knows that yeti are found in the Himalayas, not in suburban US gardens where most bigfoot sightings occur... Why not call him 'Yeti the Garden Bigfoot'? That way he could have an exotic name to bandy about when meeting other garden Bigfeet(?) "yeah my parents went to Nepal and named me after my third cousin - thought it'd be cool. My brother Sasquatch was born in Vancouver...".

Tags: disturbing mascots, oddity, snide

A strangely named shop in Hanoi, and one of the few english-only signs in Hanoi. I couldn't decide if this was meant to have an aww shucks tone - 'aww you guys... find whatever you like, ya hear?' or have an on-the-verge-of tears ring to it: 'stop it you guys... ok fine... you go ahead and find whatever you like... see if I care... f*ckers.' Unfortunately we didn't get a chance to peruse the shelves, so who knows, maybe it goes back 500 metres and is crammed top-to-bottom with a mind-boggling array of quality merchandise, truly everything we'd ever need. Or not.

Tags: super english force, snide, funny, oddity

This is an outlet in TST near the Chatham Road. I assume they sell various ointments and bath products made from 'Dead Sea' salt, which supposedly has wondrous rejuvenating properties. Why this salt is superior to any other salt has never been explained to me, though the biblical references surely don't hurt sales.

For what its worth you can float in a foot or so of water there; I've actually done this in the Salt Lake in the US, and it is pretty wild, though the heat and the trillions of sandflies tend to dampen the fun fairly quickly. Anyway I was obviously taken by the sign - you can't be a sea of life and a dead sea simultaneously my friend; not a lot of gray area between the two...

Tags: super english force, chinglish, oddity, funny, snide

A poster for a 'Muscle Worker Dance Show' at the 'WHY' club in Causeway Bay(?). I guess the more well known 'Construction Worker Stripper Review' was already being staged by their bitter archrivals over at the 'WHAT' club.

I suppose a 'muscle worker show' wouldn't be that unusual a strip club in the US that occasionally caters to bachelorette parties (usually made up of tipsy secretaries and bitter divorcees). But these guys either have a brutally dry sense of humor (pretty doubtful) or they missed that newsflash about the Village People being gay fantasy icons. So it makes no sense to charge 'gents' $200 HKD at the door - hell they should pay straight guys $200 just to get them inside. Unless this is a gay club; but then why let ladies in free, or offer them unlimited free drinks? Why would gay men pay $200 for a chance to get straight women drunk? Maybe that's why they're called the WHY club - Why? Why the hell not?

Tags: super english force, snide, oddity, funny

A poster for the 'Who's Dope' dance competition. It seems some in HK have wholeheartedly embraced street dance culture (if 'culture' is the correct term) right down to the ludicrous names - Tommy x Bro5? Is that supposed to be a play on 'bros'? And the tagline - 'Dance Forever in my Life'? God I hope not.

Anyway do we really need a competition to determine who is in fact dope? It seems all the dancers represented here are living incarnations... manifested in their recycled breakdancing moves, faux gang signs, sparkly shirts, hats worn at rakish angles, and of course baggy jeans belted well below the pelvis.

I must confess I'm a bit concerned that too much dope will be concentrated in one place during the 'final'. Usually the hyper-dope crew assembled to judge spread out the dope to manageable levels across the planet (unlike our friends at the Hong Kong Funky Dance Centre, who seem to want a concentrated funk implosion - the fools). Could we see the unintentional creation of fusion right here in HK, powered not by deuterium reactors, but dope?

Tags: funny, fashionique, snide, dope

This is another window display from our friends at AnotherFCK, the hipster geniuses behind the "Dream World" geek posted last month; it seems they're now playing up the classic '80s stoner chick. I especially like the matted-hairspray look matched with the monstrous flower clip. Now you too can act heavily sedated and/or bored out your mind while hanging out in the school pot dealer's basement. Then its off to combat the munchies with some nasty 7-11 nachos, followed by some serious bitching about angst, suburbia, and that weird smell coming from the couch.

Tags: fashion, snide, fashionique

This impressive little icon graces the window of a shoe shop here in Happy Valley. I was never a fan of the whole Mario Brothers/Donkey Kong thing; in fact I found it's popularity quite perplexing, especially considering the fact that it a) made no f**king sense, even as video games go, or b) it had the most annoying music and sound effects ever created.

Still someone obviously liked Mario enough to purchase a diamond/rhinestone encrusted version of him, apparently in the hope that it will help sell shoes(?). I wonder if any of the women browsing the various pumps and stilettos here are swayed by Glammario. Maybe they also sell the whole outfit in ladies sizes - nothing says glam or 'tricked out' like a bejeweled paperboy hat, overalls and work boots. Somewhere there's an evil "glamwario' plotting to pry those precious gems off our beleaguered hero. And yes the fact that I know there is an 'anti-mario' called wario - despite my best efforts to avoid such useless info - is quite annoying to me.

Tags: funny, humor, snide, fashion

Another t-shirt from North Point - Pursuit WIll Go By This! I like the Old Glory trailer, but the tricked out NASCAR truck cab cranks it up a gear; check out the ground effects. I wonder if the cab has a 'Calvin & Hobbes' sticker, with a maliciously grinning Calvin urinating on the hated #84. What or who is actually being pursued is not clear, but whoever it is better be ready for a goddamn ass-kickin'. Good to see some 'friends don't let friends drive chevy's" spirit alive and well so far from the heartland, err, homeland. I'd love to watch the pursuee's panicked eyes as he/she/it checks their rearview mirror, and sees #83 roaring up his tailpipe, bearing down with a special delivery of Stars and Stripes and a little thing we like to call freedom...

Tags: fashion, super english force, snide, humor

A hair salon in Ap Lei Chau. For Americans of a certain age the term 'head shop' usually refers to a store that sells pot smoking paraphenalia, or 'recreational tobacco water pipes', the 'legal' term for them. Honestly has anyone EVER smoked tobacco out of a bong?

Anyway the name was just enough to justify inclusion here, though the added 'II' piqued my interest - where is head shop I? Must be pretty impressive. Also I like the subtle hair follicle and the clinging pink bubbles. Head Shop I actually rinses out the shampoo - and then uses the pink water for 'recreational tobacco inhalation'.

Tags: humor, super english force, snide

This is a poster for AnotherFCK, a hipster clothing store that specializes in unearthing ungodly '80s retro and then unleashing it upon unsuspecting 21st century fashionistas. This ensemble is the aimed at the 'hypergeek' set I suppose. Honestly who would wear this outfit - shiny red pants with a drawstring? And complimented by purple geek frames? And his turtle-like head and bad 5th grade haircut don't help.

Its also one of those unintentionally hilarious taglines that makes me wonder if the ad agency was tweaking their HK clients. 'The dream world' seems an apropos title: Enter the dream world if you dare, where this outfit turns heads and melts hearts; the dream world, where this guy doesn't get beat up at lunch on general principal; the dream world, where he is not a virgin but in fact gets laid constantly back at his bachelor pad, with old-school Devo playing in the background - Whip it Good for the act itself, followed by a post-coital cuddle rendition of Beautiful World...

Tags: fashionique, humor, snide, fashion, real estate