Disturbing Mascots
...Like I Need a Knife Below my Ribcage
04/11/11 08:20
The tag for a cheaply made ‘life-size’ skeleton
decoration from a toy store in a street market in
Wanchai. Not much here - I was just taken aback by
the almost nonchalant knife sticking out of just
below the skeleton/ghost’s ribcage (which I’m told is
a very effective place to stab someone). He looks
more annoyed than scary though, like the addition of
the knife is really just shit he doesn’t
need...
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1 Clip Attack # - No Pain No Game?!
21/10/11 07:11
A truly freakish ad for a jeans/fashion company.
Unless they extensively photoshopped this shot, those
really are clips all over his face. Which
leaves one to wonder: what the hell are they
thinking?! What has this got to do even remotely with
pants? Why would I want to buy jeans that remind me
of this? Is this what their jeans do to one’s
genitalia? I can categorically state this a game
nobody wants to play...
The Old Banana Eating, Bible Thumping Screaming Eagle Motif
21/09/11 07:23
Truly bizarre marketing. Security software(?)
packaging that features the now ubiquitous
‘anthropomorphic banana eating, bible thumping
screaming eagle’ motif. How many times are marketing
gurus going to trot this old cliche’ out? Seriously,
you can’t use it for just anything.
Hackneyed imagery doesn’t sell product gentlemen,
quality does...
We Promise! We Will Take Care of Your Stomach!
16/09/11 15:03
A bizarre ad for the ‘Food Forum’ restaurants on the
top floors of Times Square in Causeway Bay. It seems
a slate of chefs is reassuring their throng of
devoted fans that they’ve got their backs, or rather
stomachs. Odd that the stadium is filled almost
entirely with Americans, but who knows, maybe this is
from the ‘Food Forum Chefs’ recent world tour. Of
course, we’ve heard such statements from the chefs
before, like when they promised to protect social
security and stop bank foreclosures. At least this in
one area they can claim expertise. Still, four master
chefs for a million people seems a stretch; one can
only hope that they’re adept at doubling, or rather
millioning their recipes...
Meeoowwch!
19/08/11 07:27
A get well card from a gift/scrapbooking/yarn shop in
Maine, which appears to have carried the same stock
since 1972. I was stopped dead in my tracks by the
plight of Mr. Fluffington however. Shouldn’t puns
this bad be illegal?
Regardless, it seems he’s had a bit of an run in with a car tire, though I’m sure with enough overindulgence and expensive medical care (no driving over the border to Canada for him - only the highest jacked-up US medical fees will do!) he’ll be purrfectly fine. Or is that pawfectly?
Which reminds me, why aren’t there cards like this that say meowtherf***er? Now that’s a card I would buy without hesitation. And my respect for the store that carried it would rise exponentially too.
I actually thought about buying this and sending it as a joke, but the thought of keeping a card around in case one of your friends gets sick was, well, sick. Also I don’t know that many people who could absorb such toxic levels of snark while still recuperating...
Regardless, it seems he’s had a bit of an run in with a car tire, though I’m sure with enough overindulgence and expensive medical care (no driving over the border to Canada for him - only the highest jacked-up US medical fees will do!) he’ll be purrfectly fine. Or is that pawfectly?
Which reminds me, why aren’t there cards like this that say meowtherf***er? Now that’s a card I would buy without hesitation. And my respect for the store that carried it would rise exponentially too.
I actually thought about buying this and sending it as a joke, but the thought of keeping a card around in case one of your friends gets sick was, well, sick. Also I don’t know that many people who could absorb such toxic levels of snark while still recuperating...
Snappy Joe the Jeepster
26/06/11 18:02
I recently found this shot from the Heritage Museum,
home of other toy legends like Mr Smash, the
Clockwork Walking Smash Martian and Col. ‘Hap’
Hazard.
Behold the infamous ‘Snappy Joe’ the Jeepster, who had his teeth replaced with a jagged set of steel fangs. Even added teeth to his jeep. Apparently he didn’t think his psychotic eyes were intimidating enough; perhaps he felt insecure being a jeepster around all those tanks. Of course Joe’s fellow troops gave him a wide berth regardless, especially when he went on wild joyrides around the base. He would often blow through intersections while waving a live grenade around (at least I think thats a grenade, or maybe its a pumpkin?). Somehow I don’t think Snappy adapted well to civilian life...
Behold the infamous ‘Snappy Joe’ the Jeepster, who had his teeth replaced with a jagged set of steel fangs. Even added teeth to his jeep. Apparently he didn’t think his psychotic eyes were intimidating enough; perhaps he felt insecure being a jeepster around all those tanks. Of course Joe’s fellow troops gave him a wide berth regardless, especially when he went on wild joyrides around the base. He would often blow through intersections while waving a live grenade around (at least I think thats a grenade, or maybe its a pumpkin?). Somehow I don’t think Snappy adapted well to civilian life...
Bobo Fan Club Vs. Bonobo Fan Club
18/04/11 06:26
A ‘recommendation’ sticker at a nearby restaurant. I
found the name ‘bobo fan club’ odd enough to include
here. Later out of curiosity typed in the site
address. Apparently Bobo is some local celebrity chef
(or maybe just a ‘professional celebrity’, one of
many ‘outdated’ stars in HK with enough name
recognition that people will still pay them to come
to parties and be seen with them). I assume he
doesn’t know-or care-that ‘Bobo’ sounds like the name
of a clown or circus chimp to American ears...
I recognized him later on a wall in Happy Valley. This is his ‘look’ apparently - silver hair, goatee, and pristine white shirt. At least his name must carry enough culinary cache that he gets some foodie endorsements, like for this wine fridge outfit.
Anyway it occurred to me that it would be much more fun to have a ‘bonobo fan club’, restaurants that have earned recommendations from our nearest genetic cousins, the infamously promiscuous bonobos. A restaurant sporting a bonobofanclub.com sticker would guarantee scandalous entertainment if nothing else, provided free of charge by the swinging clientele, at least until the cops showed up. Wouldn’t do much for the appetite, however...
I recognized him later on a wall in Happy Valley. This is his ‘look’ apparently - silver hair, goatee, and pristine white shirt. At least his name must carry enough culinary cache that he gets some foodie endorsements, like for this wine fridge outfit.
Anyway it occurred to me that it would be much more fun to have a ‘bonobo fan club’, restaurants that have earned recommendations from our nearest genetic cousins, the infamously promiscuous bonobos. A restaurant sporting a bonobofanclub.com sticker would guarantee scandalous entertainment if nothing else, provided free of charge by the swinging clientele, at least until the cops showed up. Wouldn’t do much for the appetite, however...
Dodge-Em Tricky Action
16/04/11 07:57
One of the last of the trove that is the Heritage
Museum. I thought they couldn’t top ‘Mr. Smash’, but
‘Dodge-Em Tricky Action’ gives him a run for his
money. I love the innocent little ‘duck and cover’
kids riding the bumper cars; I especially love that
some bored museum employee posed the little girl
shaking her fist at the rapscallion little boy who’s
about to ram her. Hopefully she’ll employ some artful
dodge-em tricky action and send him flying
into the patriotic border ring...
Drinking Secret Captain Bond XX7
13/04/11 07:42
Two more toys from the priceless HK Heritage Museum
collection. The “James Bond 007 Secret Service Game”
is rather forgettable (save for the vaguely Sean
Connery-esque illustration), but it makes a fine
counterpoint to “The Drinking Captain”, who comes
complete with bottle o’ rum and drinking lamp(?). It
reminds one of those big outdoor heaters at ‘al
fresco’ restaurants, though I assume the lamp lights
up whenever he takes a swig. I love how he has a hand
on the lamp to steady himself too. Aye steady as she
goes, Cap’n...
If only there were a way to combine the two into one über toy, say “The Drinking Secret Captain Bond XX7”, complete with signature Baretta pistol, but with a travel case martini (shaken by the sea, don’t ya know) rather than the bottle of XX rotgut. I’d keep the striped sailor shirt, worn under the tux jacket for a nice iconoclastic touch. I’m sure Q would have some ingenius weapon hidden in the lamp, or maybe in the life preserver...
If only there were a way to combine the two into one über toy, say “The Drinking Secret Captain Bond XX7”, complete with signature Baretta pistol, but with a travel case martini (shaken by the sea, don’t ya know) rather than the bottle of XX rotgut. I’d keep the striped sailor shirt, worn under the tux jacket for a nice iconoclastic touch. I’m sure Q would have some ingenius weapon hidden in the lamp, or maybe in the life preserver...
Waste of Fire-Wielding Talent?
08/04/11 08:20
A billboard ad for a local duck specialty restaurant.
Seems like a waste of the man’s impressive mutant
fire-wielding powers, but then again that looks like
one perfectly roasted duck...
Ice Palace Fishbowl - with 'Authentic' Goldfish
05/04/11 08:32
No, this is not a belated April Fools image - those
really are actual goldfish ‘swimming’ in a
solid ice fishbowl (along with a few tufts of seaweed
to add to the oh so subtle illusion). Apparently the
folks at the Ice Palace decided to go for
authenticity. The creepiness is further enhanced by
the unearthly green glow permeating the ice around
it. Have to wonder what the guy who did this was
thinking as he poured water into the mold and over
the strategically placed carcasses - ‘Man this will
look great! And so realistic, just like our
neon-embedded ice sculptures!”
Mr Smash, the Clockwork Walking Smash Martian
02/04/11 08:00
Another toy from the Heritage Museum. No need to
embellish such naming genius - this is easily one of
best names for a toy (or any product really) EVER.
What overly rambunctious little boy could resist a
Mr. Smash? Note the tool of his trade, a
subtle but devastating orange plasma hammer, which
offsets the rather odd clamshell mouth and unsettling
dead black eyes...
Of course the fact that he’s a ‘clockwork walking smash martian’ assures him a place in the HKB Hall of Champions (or at least head of the ‘automatronic ambulatory demolition alien’ contingent, an admittedly small but vital component)...
Of course the fact that he’s a ‘clockwork walking smash martian’ assures him a place in the HKB Hall of Champions (or at least head of the ‘automatronic ambulatory demolition alien’ contingent, an admittedly small but vital component)...
Colonel 'Hap' Hazard's Helicopter Suit Misadventure
25/03/11 06:27
From the Hong Kong Heritage Museum. One of many gems
I stumbled on during a fieldtrip there. Like most
museums here in HK, the museum is refreshingly
well-funded (compared to many in the US), though
there is a limited amount of content. They do well
with what they’ve got though. And the toy section has
an amazing array of period toys made during HK’s
‘golden’ manufacturing age.
Here we have the toy based on the infamous Col. Harlan ‘Hap’ Hazard, a well meaning but hopelessly unlucky astronaut. Seems every project Col. Hazard was assigned to experienced random, chaotic events. This toy chronicles his most famous Moon mission, during which he successfully landed only to realize that the boys at Cape Canaveral had outfitted him with a helicopter blade, instead of the intended rocket pack. Of course the helicopter idea didn’t work too well on the Moon, seeing as there’s no air...
Here we have the toy based on the infamous Col. Harlan ‘Hap’ Hazard, a well meaning but hopelessly unlucky astronaut. Seems every project Col. Hazard was assigned to experienced random, chaotic events. This toy chronicles his most famous Moon mission, during which he successfully landed only to realize that the boys at Cape Canaveral had outfitted him with a helicopter blade, instead of the intended rocket pack. Of course the helicopter idea didn’t work too well on the Moon, seeing as there’s no air...
Nothing Like Museum Quality Paintings of Blue Frog Mutants to Whet the Appetite
18/03/11 06:43
From the ‘Blue Frog’ a US style bar & grill in
Beijing we hit the break up our run of exclusively
local fare. Seems the proprietors have either: a)
contacted an advanced civilization in an alternate
universe where blue frogs (and not monkeys) evolved
into the dominant species, with uncanny cultural
similarities to our own, or: b) they hired a very
good local hungry painter to render (and render well
- these are quality oil paintings) their namesake in
a bizarre branding/name tie-in. Unfortunately for
them, the paintings: a) it definitely help me
remember them, but not in a remotely good way and: b)
it didn’t make me hungry (quite the opposite
in fact). These are even more unsettling in real
life, ‘scare the children’ life-like, especially the
‘greek’ frog god in the toga, and the Renaissance
woman holding a mutant pet that resembled ‘Woodstock’
from Charlie Brown...
Cringe-Inducing Cardoor Kitsche on a Hover Car
12/03/11 07:48
A cardoor decoration from Beijing. I initially
stopped to get a picture of the car’s name, the
‘Hover’, which is apparently a new SUV from a Chinese
car company called Great Wall - no really. I hope
they weren’t trying to rhyme with ‘Rover’. If so,
someone in their international marketing dept. needs
to brush up on their English. Also they might want to
know that ‘hover car’ has obvious futuristic
connotations; I assume people arent’ buying this
vehicle with the expectation that it will in fact
well, hover. By the way what ever happened
to the flying cars we were all supposed to have by
now? Maybe Great Wall has something up their sleeves,
hopefully more practical than their namesake
landmark...
But I digress. as I stopped to shoot the aforementioned quirky name I saw what I thought was an oddly colored door pad, only to realize that this was a novelty item the owner had no doubt purchased while very, very drunk. Having a set of fingers trapped in a cardoor is the most unsettling car decoration i’ve ever seen, far more than the old ‘cabbage patch baby hanging by its fingers in the car window’ that thankfully fell out of favor years ago. This is cringe, even nightmare-inducing stuff for anyone who’s ever actually done this, ie slammed their fingers in a car door. I literally pulled my hand back in reflexive horror when I saw it. Suffice it to say it doesn’t make the car hover any better either...
But I digress. as I stopped to shoot the aforementioned quirky name I saw what I thought was an oddly colored door pad, only to realize that this was a novelty item the owner had no doubt purchased while very, very drunk. Having a set of fingers trapped in a cardoor is the most unsettling car decoration i’ve ever seen, far more than the old ‘cabbage patch baby hanging by its fingers in the car window’ that thankfully fell out of favor years ago. This is cringe, even nightmare-inducing stuff for anyone who’s ever actually done this, ie slammed their fingers in a car door. I literally pulled my hand back in reflexive horror when I saw it. Suffice it to say it doesn’t make the car hover any better either...
Gripe Water - Rapid Relief of Wind and Gripe
25/02/11 12:59
A quick post about gripe water. Initially I found the
term ‘gripe water’ amusing; I’ve since been told that
‘gripe’ is a Brit term for colic. Still to Americans
to ‘gripe’ means to bitch or complain, and ‘wind’ is
an archaic term used ironically (think Break Like
the Wind, the estimable sequel to
Spinal Tap). A more useful US
version would be targeted not at colicky babies and
their sleepless parents, but rather for those
unfortunates exposed to rightwing talk radio and fox
news (such as workers forced to listen to rush
limbaugh or sean hannity by their petty tyrant
bosses). It would provide rapid relief from ignorant
whining, race-baiting, spittle-flecked griping
and toxic levels of foul smelling hot air...
Hello Kitty Swiss Formula Strawberry Cyber Clean
19/02/11 08:18
Yet another nonsensical Hello Kitty item. For the
record Cyber Clean is a keyboard cleaning product,
which looks and feels like clammy, oddly firm
pudding. I confess I once bought some of the ‘normal’
lemon scented stuff, and have to admit that it does
clean out the crumbs etc fairly well. Still, why
would you buy this particular wad of Cyber
Clean?Because its from Switzerland - or at least
formulated by Swiss cyber-engineers? No!
Because it has Hello Kitty on it of course! And it
smells like strawberries, just like Hello Kitty...
Understand Classical: Witch-hatted Garlic Cloves Signify Roast Pig's Knuckles
13/02/11 17:20
Another selection from the previously mentioned menu.
Nothing says classic Beijing cuisine like roast pig’s
knuckles, and nothing signifies classic pig’s
knuckles quite like a pair of witch-hatted cloves of
garlic. Obvious really...
A Bucket of 12 Inch Gummi Nightcrawler Bait - Yummi!
09/02/11 20:38
From the quickie mart store in Beijing. As someone
who hates Gummi bears and other similar candy, I
can’t speak to how long these things have been
around, but I can speak to the uniquely unappetizing
thought of eating a 12 inch long Gummi nightcrawler
worm from a bucket. I didn’t check to see if they
were packed in moist dirt like real nightcrawlers,
though that would add undeniable authenticity...
Perhaps I’m not alone in my disgust, seeing as they had a veritable tower of the stuff sitting untouched for a week (on sale for 1/2 off to boot). The mind boggles at what the good folks at Gummi Works will think of next: how about a bucket of Gummi Small Intestines? 36 feet of chewilicious gummy joy! Or maybe a bucket of Gummi Meal Worms or Gummi Chum, to expand on their bait-as-candy motif...
Perhaps I’m not alone in my disgust, seeing as they had a veritable tower of the stuff sitting untouched for a week (on sale for 1/2 off to boot). The mind boggles at what the good folks at Gummi Works will think of next: how about a bucket of Gummi Small Intestines? 36 feet of chewilicious gummy joy! Or maybe a bucket of Gummi Meal Worms or Gummi Chum, to expand on their bait-as-candy motif...
This Was For Sale. For Money.
07/02/11 07:20
A painting for sale at a mall in Beijing. Thats
right, this abomination was being sold for
money. Suffice it to say I don’t think they’ll
have any takers, save for the infamous ‘Museum of Bad
Art’ in Boston. The puzzling thing about this
atrocity is that who or whatever painted it can
actually paint, at least in the sense that
they know how to blend colors etc. I hope they didn’t
actually experience the acid trip it seems based on.
Some interesting mutant animals must be scurrying
around their subconscious: we have a four-eyed snail,
a coatrack-like truffula tree, a magenta parasite(?),
a razor-toothed robotic toucan, a leaf-crested worm
dragon, and my personal favorite in the menagerie, a
gecko with a French Tricolore sawtoothed tongue...
Crazy! X'Mas! Crazymichael!
18/12/10 08:22
The holiday installation at Times Square. I’d never
heard of ‘crazymichael’ is and don’t much care about
it to be honest. A cursory internets search revealed
this:
Hong Kong vinyl pioneer Michael Lau returns with... Crazymichael, a character born out of Lau’s collaboration with Nike for the Air Force 1’s 25th anniversary back in 2008... 12” figures are priced at $1,999 HKD, with only 499 units being made available.
Yes that about $260 US for a toy. Nice work if you can get it. By the way the thirty foot tall crazymichael in the lobby has a rotating head, no doubt to further cement his crazy status (that’s supposed to be a straightjacket he’s wearing). There are a number of these figures festooning the lobby around the blue carpet, as well as more human size toys that look like mutant ‘70s NBA players, ’80s break dancers, and various other ‘kindergardners’(?)
Again what is impressive or disconcerting depending on your viewpoint is the absurd scale of all of this. The giant michael is complimented by 20 foot wide floating ‘thought bubbles’ rigged from the ceiling; the exterior installation has seven foot spray cans and two story assemblages of ‘hi my name is’ stickers. I included the one ‘subversive’ addition. Seems Michael Lau (or one of his devoted coterie of proteges’) included bullshit as a name. How naughty! How subversive! How crazy! Personally I like the mysterious ‘german f’ one myself...
Hong Kong vinyl pioneer Michael Lau returns with... Crazymichael, a character born out of Lau’s collaboration with Nike for the Air Force 1’s 25th anniversary back in 2008... 12” figures are priced at $1,999 HKD, with only 499 units being made available.
Yes that about $260 US for a toy. Nice work if you can get it. By the way the thirty foot tall crazymichael in the lobby has a rotating head, no doubt to further cement his crazy status (that’s supposed to be a straightjacket he’s wearing). There are a number of these figures festooning the lobby around the blue carpet, as well as more human size toys that look like mutant ‘70s NBA players, ’80s break dancers, and various other ‘kindergardners’(?)
Again what is impressive or disconcerting depending on your viewpoint is the absurd scale of all of this. The giant michael is complimented by 20 foot wide floating ‘thought bubbles’ rigged from the ceiling; the exterior installation has seven foot spray cans and two story assemblages of ‘hi my name is’ stickers. I included the one ‘subversive’ addition. Seems Michael Lau (or one of his devoted coterie of proteges’) included bullshit as a name. How naughty! How subversive! How crazy! Personally I like the mysterious ‘german f’ one myself...
A King's Foursome with Mr. Bacon, Mr. Cheese, and Mr. Pineapple
10/12/10 19:45
Seems Burger King is now promoting outright adultery,
tempting the ladies with the foul triumvirate of
Misters Bacon, Cheese, and Pineapple(?). What woman
can resist a foursome with these formidable
paramours? What woman wouldn’t want three snazzy new
tattoos declaring her rather crowded dalliance to the
world? Have to say though that the tattoos should at
least have a passing reference to well, bacon, cheese
and pineapple, no? And don’t know what flowers and
hearts have to do with any of them. But I guess in
the grip of a four time cheatin’ heart, an already
vulnerable gal may agree to anything. I just hope
they don’t make her choose one over the other. My
money’s on Mr. Bacon...
Unintentionally Hitlerseque
09/12/10 11:52
A bus-stop poster near our apt. Its great to see the
Red Cross and ‘Twin Bears’ team up for charity, but I
the think ad campaign may have birthed an unfortunate
(and no doubt unintentional) cross-reference. It
seems each time I see the half bear/half pop idol
face on the left, I’m reminded of Hitler. The teddy’s
nose is the signature mustache, and the severely
parted hair completes it. I though I was overreacting
so to speak, but I’ve pointed this out to a few
people and either they see it themselves right away
or get it as soon as I mention it. I hope the image
doesn’t subconsciously cause anyone to forgo
donating. Then again it may cause a wholly unexpected
spike in donations from nazis...
Hello Kitty Takes British Throne
06/12/10 08:20
A Hell O’Kitty installation here in HK. This one at
Langham Place. Seems hello kitty has taken Britain by
storm, not only assuming the throne, but taking over
Parliament as well. Note how she’s replaced the
beefeaters (under Big Ben) with her dead eyed
minions. Even the tourists and jingoistic spice girl
wannabes have fallen under her power. Have to say she
looks pretty grand up there on the bridge though. Of
course we’ll have to forego the ‘Hell O’Kitty’ tags
now - can’t have an Irish name associated with the
throne, not even as a joke. Oh well, the Windsors are
actually German anyway, though having a Japanese
monarch may taking some getting used to. And her
latest proclamation - that all citizens must wear a
red bow on the left side of their head and have
whiskers tattooed on their cheeks - is already
running into politely murmured opposition in the
House of Lords...
Suction Cup Arm Nose
28/11/10 08:42
A bit of a throwaway post, but thought I’d include it
for the hell of it. This the packaging for a suction
cup hook. Because the vast majority of walls in HK
are concrete (often reinforced), one can’t just nail
into the wall as needed; in fact to mount anything
remotely heavy you have to hire some guy with an
industrial hammer drill to make properly deep holes.
So people end up peppering their homes with ugly
little concrete picture mounts, adhesive hooks, and
suction holders like this. Anyway what struck me
about this particular item isn’t the product itself
but rather the bizarre ‘mascot’ on the left: note the
hugely muscular arm where his nose should be - or is
it shoved through a hole in his nose? He
doesn’t seem bothered by it though, judging by his
hearty smile and wink. Then again I’m sure they
haven’t lost any sales over it: I need to get
some extra-strong suction hooks for my bathroom, but
look at the anatomically freakish mascot! I can’t
possibly justify purchasing that. Perhaps this brand
over here with a proper hook nose on their mascot;
yes, this will do nicely...
Dandy House Premium Whitening
24/11/10 15:12
A men’s slimming/skincare boutique here in HK.
Apparently they started in Japan, which explains the
name to a degree. Dandy doesn’t carry the
same gay connotation there as it does in the US and
‘commonwealth’ countries I suppose. In fact, judging
from the number of ‘dandies’ that festoon their anime
cartoons and comics, having delicate elven features,
bone white skin, foppish hair and an all-velvet
wardrobe is all the rage. And the name is truly
priceless - can’t imagine a more un-ironic moniker,
considering their services; a nice vintage turn on
‘metrosexual’. Ah yes, let us return to the gilded
age of dandified men, with lace handkerchieves and
acerbic courtesan wit. Or perhaps a new crop of Oscar
Wilde proteges, flinging brilliantly anachronistic
turns of phrase into the flustered faces of
pedestrian boors everywhere. Apparently you can now
opt for the ‘premium whitening’ too - not sure if
that just refers to just skin treatment, or if it
includes ‘epicanthic fold’ surgery and faux-blue
contacts as well. Or maybe a whole program to inject
premium white dandy culture, so one can take of
partake of ’CSI-Miami’ DVD sets, Hugo Boss body
scrub, and suitably distressed Diesel jeans. Hell
maybe they throw in some mayonnaise, the seminal
‘Hootie and the Blowfish’ album, a pack of Kraft
American cheese (individually wrapped slices of
course), a few seasons of ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’,
and some J Crew mock-turtlenecks to establish a firm
‘white’ cultural base. And 50% off to boot!
Tricky Trunks!
22/11/10 08:17
A zany calendar at a bookstore here in HK. Tricky
trunks indeed. Good to see that even rollerskating
elephants take safety seriously - note the ‘elbow’
pads and helmet - both in adorable pink! Somehow I
don’t see this working out so peachy in real life.
Though I could see Tricky here turning on her
tormentors and planting a well aimed 300 pound roller
skate onto their chests as she tramples them on her
way to that distant treeline...
Hello Kitty Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Penne & Fusilli - Mi (Heart) Food!
21/11/10 13:14
From a recent Hello Kitty promotion at CitySuper in
Causeway Bay. Just when you think the folks at Sanrio
(owners/perpetrators of the Hello Kitty phenomenon)
have run out of products to slap the their ubiquitous
icon onto, one runs into something like this. ‘Mi
(heart) Food’ isn’t even close to actual Italian or
English - but who cares? It has Hello Kitty on it!
Honestly why anyone would be swayed to buy extra
virgin olive oil and/or Italian fusilli or penne
pasta because that disturbing blank eyed face is on
the label is utterly beyond me. Then again the
thought of buying anything with Hello Kitty
slapped on it is beyond me, at least for anyone over
the age of 9...
The Legends of McRib
18/11/10 11:11
A screenshot from a sports website(?). Seems the
infamous McRib sandwich is making a comeback, and
false tales of it’s lightning inducing (as opposed to
its actual vomit-inducing) prowess are
hittin’ the airwaves. I have to admit to trying one
of these years (decades?) ago when it first came out,
and it was one of the most disgusting, disquieting
things i’ve ever eaten - which is saying something.
It was a vaguely meatish lump stamped into a vaguely
rib-rack shape - sans bones of course, slathered with
‘bbq’ sauce and onion bits. If ever there was a
soylent green product on the market, this is it. For
those of you who don’t know what soylent green is...
its’ people! soylent green is people!
Elf Ear
06/11/10 16:38
A quick post from our Halloween shopping excursion. I
couldn’t get many pictures - the staff get very upset
if you take photos, what with all the illegal
knockoff toys etc, so apologies for the blur. Seems
you can get your daughter that ‘elf ear’ she
desperately needs to complete her freakish
nun/maid/ninja/fox/elf combo anime’ costume. Silver
just-so japanime’ wig not included, nor is the badass
coquette anime’ attitude, or the age inappropriate
latex jacket (unfortunately cut off here). Thankfully
they do throw in two ears despite the tag. I
have to say the expression on the model’s face is a
bit much, especially considering she’s all or 4-5
years old. Hope she doesn’t get too attached to this
look, and opt for surgery later...
Beard Papa's - World's Best Cream Puffs?
03/10/10 15:37
A cream puff outfit originating in Japan. Honestly
who else would name a cream puff franchise - or
anything for that matter - ‘beard papas?. Anyway
they’ve been doing well for themselves, with a few
branches here in HK; in fact I saw a branch in San
Francisco last time we visited. I had seen their
signs here but wanted to actually try one before I
laid into them over the preposterous name. And I have
to give them credit; yes it is a very silly name, and
yes they have world class cream puffs. We went
conservative and tried the original with chocolate.
Far better than I expected, in fact the best cream
puff/profiterole I’ve had here, or anywhere outside
of Italy really. So they can keep the slightly creepy
mascot and the odd name; just as long as they don’t
change the recipe...
Evil Silken Credit Twins Humiliate the UPS Guy
20/09/10 07:07
I saw this billboard in Mongkok. I’ve seen this pair
a few times on local TV - nearest I can figure is
they’re vaguely mythical heroes who shill for a
credit bureau, but of course the commercials are in
Cantonese so who knows. I just found the image funny,
though bizarre and vaguely disturbing as well. What
exactly are they trying to portray here? And why are
they humiliating a doughy UPS delivery guy by pinning
him with candy-striped poles, to say nothing of
forcing him to wear a paper sack over his head? What
is he supposed to signify? Bad delivery services? And
why are they striking martial arts poses while
bedecked in matching silk suits, berets, and ties -
do they have business suits under the kungfu suits?
And do I really want to know?
Nothing Says Hipster Fashion Like a Three Eyed Lying Pinocchio
17/08/10 05:44
A window display for Chocoolate, a hipster brand here
in HK. They usually have pretty eclectic advertising,
and I’ll admit it got my attention, but in a what
the hell is that supposed to mean? sense. The
three eyes on Pinocchio are a bit disconcerting–and
why use Pinocchio in the first place? Also the leaf
growing from his nose doesn’t help clear up matters.
Does that mean he’s lying, but in an environmentally
responsible way?
10,000 lb. Mango Crushing Hammers and the Sweet Tang of Fear
12/08/10 21:15
A poster in Kennedy Town for a popular local juice
company. Seems they get their distinctive smooth
mango juice by employing a 10,000 lb. hammer to crush
anthropomorphic mangoes into a fine paste prior to
juicing. That explains the distinct tang of fear and
panic that permeates all their products. I love the
swirly ‘I just got hit by a 10,000 lb hammer and
its a bit disorientating’ eyes, and the puddle
of fear induced urine (juice?).
I just wonder though–does the mango know the hammer’s coming, or do they surprise it and get even more fear pheromones in the bargain?
I just wonder though–does the mango know the hammer’s coming, or do they surprise it and get even more fear pheromones in the bargain?
Japan Gets Screwed
09/08/10 22:45
A bit of a throwaway posting, but I’m on vacation. A
HK post office poster for sending things abroad,
based on the tried and true ‘look a crazily oversized
object!’ motif. I don’t know if this was an
intentional inside joke or not, but there are still
many who’d love to screw Japan over but good.
Honestly though has anyone ever sent screws
via the post office? My uncle needs some #24 philips
head galvanized pronto - I better get down
to the post office right away!
The Same Fish?
03/08/10 06:50
An HSBC ad in Happy Valley. I could ask what the
Cantonese translation is for this, but its much more
fun to imagine that both these poor gentlemen are
patiently fishing for the same fish. Unfortunately
for them, they live about 7,000 miles apart. I
suppose that fish must exceptionally quick; still one
of these men will be going home empty handed...
Lamb Shank & Pizza Combo
24/06/10 16:27
A combo special from our friends at Pepperoni's, the
recently defunct(?) pizza place here in Happy Valley.
Not a combination you'd find in the US (of anywhere
else I can think of, save New Zealand). Still the
shank certainly looks appetizing, and at $150 HKD (20
US) its quite a bargain - assuming we're talking a
decent sized shank here - we are?- well alright then.
Perhaps in the future they'll just drop the shank on
top of the pizza. Hard to fit in a pizza box
though...
Mane 'n Tail Shampoo. Now You Can Have Your Horses' Lustrous Shine
30/05/10 17:10
A popular shampoo used by starlets and wannabes
throughout HK. I was going to file this under 'Super
English Force' as yet another poor choice of product
name, but this is really is mane and tail
shampoo. For horses.
From the company website:
One of the odder splash pages you'll come across. Honestly how many companies give personal and animal care options? Also I love the little horse name in the lower right hand corner: Anton 343; interesting name for a horse. Does he know Andre 3000? Sadly the model didn't get her name up too. Anyway more from the website FAQ: Mane ‘n Tail products were originally developed for horses. Horse owners reported seeing significant improvement in the health and appearance of their horses’ manes and tails. Similar results were seen when horse owners and groomers used the products on themselves (wouldn't you?). This was the beginning of the Mane ‘n Tail legend. They also have a nail care solution called Hoofmaker, So not only can you get lustrous shine with Mane n' Tail, but you can also clean up those split nails after a hard day of riding and/or wagon pulling...
From the company website:
One of the odder splash pages you'll come across. Honestly how many companies give personal and animal care options? Also I love the little horse name in the lower right hand corner: Anton 343; interesting name for a horse. Does he know Andre 3000? Sadly the model didn't get her name up too. Anyway more from the website FAQ: Mane ‘n Tail products were originally developed for horses. Horse owners reported seeing significant improvement in the health and appearance of their horses’ manes and tails. Similar results were seen when horse owners and groomers used the products on themselves (wouldn't you?). This was the beginning of the Mane ‘n Tail legend. They also have a nail care solution called Hoofmaker, So not only can you get lustrous shine with Mane n' Tail, but you can also clean up those split nails after a hard day of riding and/or wagon pulling...
Santa Prefers a Light Smoke...
24/05/10 19:10
From a web sidebar ad. Seems Santa prefers a lighter
smoke after a long eve of deliveries. Understandable
considering he's already weighed down by several
million cookies and gallons of spiked eggnog; just
needs to unwind a bit after his hectic night. This is
the one night when Mrs. Claus won't begrudge a cig at
least. It is toasted after all...
The Cyber King of Keys
08/05/10 09:57
A poster for the much anticipated return of 'the King
of Keys'. Seems he's had extensive cyborg
augmentation done since his last tour; now only his
head (and of course his heart, so he can still feel
the pain, channel the love) are still organic. The
new royal suit comes complete with a thruster pack
for navigating his zero-G orbital concert hall, and
allows access to the 88 semi-autonomous piano keys.
One can only imagine if such technology fell into the
wrong hands... better not to think about it. Better
to bow down before the rightful king and marvel at
his hypervelocity arpeggios and exponentially
advanced smarm quotient.
They Meant Well...
20/04/10 06:28
This from the Nature Garden complex on Ma Wan Island,
next to the more famous Noah's Ark attraction (who
knew the ark was here under a bridge this whole time,
and not on the slopes of Mt. Arrarat?). Anyway this
is part of a well-intentioned green energy section of
the park, complete with windmills and solar panels.
Seems they decided to include methane production as
well. So we have happy eco-critters(?) in hard hats,
a hazard-taped cutaway container, whorls of feces,
and some bewildered amoebic figures representing the
methane producing bacteria. They look surprised to be
there, perhaps wondering what evil they perpetrated
to deserve this karmic fate. Note the pyro critter on
top with the match, and the one holding his nose and
tearing up from the stench below. I'm all for
educating the kinder about green energy, but I'm
afraid this one needs some work. Granted its a tall
order to make methane production interesting to
children (or anyone really), but a cutaway jar full
of plastic manure and fart gas isn't going to cut it.
No pun intended...
Originated from China Ecological Grassland, with Bovine Guardians
05/04/10 07:20
A billboard advertising milk from the mainland. Of
course its highly unlikely that such verdant pastures
exist anywhere in China; and while
'ecological grassland' sounds vaguely
positive, it doesn't actually mean anything.
Also considering China's infamous plastic additive
(melamine) scandal, when the Chinese throw words like
ecological around, one should be very wary. Still I
have to give credit to the poor sods who had to
photoshop the 'dairy cow' clouds (having done this
once myself with the old AOL logo, i can attest that
its a real pain in the ass to make clouds
look both 'realistic' and recognizable as something
else). But perhaps the bovine guardian spirits really
are watching over this precious patch of
idyllic green, and the photographer just got lucky...
Mr. Magic Would WOW You with the Wondrous World of Wonders
11/03/10 18:40
A subway poster in Admiralty, announcing the
'International WOW Magic on Earth II' . Seems one
show couldn't contain all the WOW. The name qualifies
it for easy inclusion here - though Mr. Magic's
mullet and silver blouse take a close second.
I later looked this extraganza up on the internets, and found a trove of wow-inducing (if somewhat disturbing) pickin's. First off there's the tagline:
7 Magic Masters Made You Feel The WOW Once In Your LIFE (I guess having sex, falling in love, etc don't actually produce WOW for most people; kind of sad actually...)
And the 7 Masters each have their own uniquely worded story as well. A few selections from the program guide:
Escape from Reality; He’s cool. She’s even cooler. The two meet in the magic arena. Only one can be the winner. So guess what’s next. (Death by... cooling?)
Story of High Heel; A magician with a heart full of love. A pair of high heels. A romantic story is about to begin. (I really hope this isn't a shoe fetish thing...)
"He" is in a Bar; This ‘guy’ in the Magic Bar – what will he serve up next? (I really don't know what to do with this one. Is 'he' a she? Does that magically influence his/her bartending somehow?)
And the best of the bunch - Moments with Mr. Magic; Mr. Magic would WOW you with the Wondrous World of Wonders. (A whole new take on www...)
The site also provided some choice bio information on our WOW-ists. I had no idea Magic had so many championships, certificates, and awards. Here are just a few:
...awarded twice in the World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and has a Master’s Degree in the F.F.F.F. Original Close-up Magic Convention USA...
...the first Japanese to win the Magic Manipulation World Championship in World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and the Golden Lion Award in Las Vegas...
and finally Mr. Magic's CV: He is the only complete conjurer in Hong Kong... the only magician in Asia held AIMC Silver Star membership of the British Magic Circle and the only Hong Kong magician featured in Hollywood Magic Castle in the US... has a Bachelor Degree in the Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic Original Close-up Magic Convention...
Both the magic circle and the magic castle? But - but how? Ahh yes, magic. And yes thats 'Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic'. Think about that for a second. OK that's enough...
I later looked this extraganza up on the internets, and found a trove of wow-inducing (if somewhat disturbing) pickin's. First off there's the tagline:
7 Magic Masters Made You Feel The WOW Once In Your LIFE (I guess having sex, falling in love, etc don't actually produce WOW for most people; kind of sad actually...)
And the 7 Masters each have their own uniquely worded story as well. A few selections from the program guide:
Escape from Reality; He’s cool. She’s even cooler. The two meet in the magic arena. Only one can be the winner. So guess what’s next. (Death by... cooling?)
Story of High Heel; A magician with a heart full of love. A pair of high heels. A romantic story is about to begin. (I really hope this isn't a shoe fetish thing...)
"He" is in a Bar; This ‘guy’ in the Magic Bar – what will he serve up next? (I really don't know what to do with this one. Is 'he' a she? Does that magically influence his/her bartending somehow?)
And the best of the bunch - Moments with Mr. Magic; Mr. Magic would WOW you with the Wondrous World of Wonders. (A whole new take on www...)
The site also provided some choice bio information on our WOW-ists. I had no idea Magic had so many championships, certificates, and awards. Here are just a few:
...awarded twice in the World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and has a Master’s Degree in the F.F.F.F. Original Close-up Magic Convention USA...
...the first Japanese to win the Magic Manipulation World Championship in World Magic Championship, aka FISM, and the Golden Lion Award in Las Vegas...
and finally Mr. Magic's CV: He is the only complete conjurer in Hong Kong... the only magician in Asia held AIMC Silver Star membership of the British Magic Circle and the only Hong Kong magician featured in Hollywood Magic Castle in the US... has a Bachelor Degree in the Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic Original Close-up Magic Convention...
Both the magic circle and the magic castle? But - but how? Ahh yes, magic. And yes thats 'Fechter’s Finger Flicking Frolic'. Think about that for a second. OK that's enough...
You & Me Ghost Wedding
05/03/10 06:45
You may have seen these insufferable (and insanely
expensive) porcelain figures. Apparently they are a
US franchise, though I've only seen them in asia.
Anyway the basic premise is sad-puppy eyed toddler
combined with hallmark card schlock (note the heart
carved into the tree stump - which can be customized
I'm told). They have several outlets in high-end
malls here, allowing older customers an option beyond
anime, hello kitty and pokemon merchandise.
Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...
Anyway I stumbled upon this rather disturbing pair while looking for shoes for my daughters - two 'life sized' wedding dolls, which (I'm guessing) are intended to look like old photographs. Unfortunately they look far more like zombies or ghosts, emanating crushing despair and colorless melancholy; the effect is even further magnified by the groom's sad hand wave and bride's faded bouquet. Not exactly the vibe you want establish for your marriage - trapped in an eternity of bottomless despair, mournfully gazing out of your glass prison at all those happy technicolor lives...
Satan Claus
09/01/10 08:52
Thanks to my friend Mark for sending this one over.
Seems Satan was busy during xmas as well, assuming a
passable 'saint nick' disguise and hiring himself out
for the holiday kiddy circuit (no doubt trying to
snag a few children's souls with his 'gift' of
eternal toys - in hell!) Looks like he's shaking a
bit - perhaps he's struggling to keep his devil body
from bursting through. More likely he's been hitting
the spiked eggnog a little too hard (he is
making that universal 'drinking' motion), getting
some 'liquid courage' under his belt before the
'sitting on santa's lap' portion of the party starts.
Seems even he gets nervous about dealing
with droves of demanding, bratty kids...
Santa's Mighty Reindeer-Headed Staff
28/12/09 19:18
A decoration from the Kota Kinabalu airport in
Malaysia. Not the strangest santa image I've seen (by
a long shot), but his reindeer headed staff is
unique. Never seen anything quite like it - or the
helpful swallow on his shoulder, whispering
naughty/nice names into his ear(?) Of course one
hopes that his mighty staff doesn't fall into the
wrong hands; an army of hypnotized flying reindeer
could ruin anyone's yuletide cheer, or easily
overwhelm the small antiquated airforce of a country
like... Malaysia!?
The Must Have Soccer Accessory for 2009 - National Team Nutcrackers
25/12/09 10:15
A banner ad from one of the soccer sites I peruse - I
think its ESPN. Anyway their soccer store now carries
the one accessory every true soccer fan must have -
national team themed nutcrackers! Note the soccer
mullet (an Argentine specialty), headband and pitch
(not to scale). Nothing says pride in your side like
a properly attired nutcracker; nothing strikes fear
in the hearts of your traditional arch-rivals.
Imagine the terror and grudging respect your
Brazilian friends will display when confronted with
an Argentine nutcracker, complete with dead eyes and
goatee. Time to crack some nuts, mi amigo, and you
know whose nuts i'm talkin' about!
American Ingenuity on (Thanksgiving) Parade - Frito Lay Twinkie Stadium
26/11/09 11:51
While researching images for a Thanksgiving
presentation at my youngest daughter's school, I
googled thanksgiving, football,
snacks etc. and stumbled upon this
abomination. It seems some enterprising souls have
constructed the Ultimate Snack Experience:
Frito Lay Twinkie Stadium...
We begin with three-tiered walls of twinkies - and yes those are bacon strips 'reinforcing' the corners. Next we have 'stands' filled to capacity with doritos, chex party mix, cheetos, and nacho chips. The 'field' is made up of 3-inch deep guacamole, nacho cheese dip, and salsa. The 'players' are vienna sausages, with either cheddar or swiss cheese 'helmets'. Clever. And finally the goal posts are made of expertly-toothpicked slim jims. And it comfortably seats over 250,000 calories!
I can only imagine the weeks of planning that went into this; I'm also surprised it doesn't crash through the table. And while this monstrosity could literally feed a village for a week, the ten or so midwesterners at the party will no doubt finish this off by half time of the second game, tops...
We begin with three-tiered walls of twinkies - and yes those are bacon strips 'reinforcing' the corners. Next we have 'stands' filled to capacity with doritos, chex party mix, cheetos, and nacho chips. The 'field' is made up of 3-inch deep guacamole, nacho cheese dip, and salsa. The 'players' are vienna sausages, with either cheddar or swiss cheese 'helmets'. Clever. And finally the goal posts are made of expertly-toothpicked slim jims. And it comfortably seats over 250,000 calories!
I can only imagine the weeks of planning that went into this; I'm also surprised it doesn't crash through the table. And while this monstrosity could literally feed a village for a week, the ten or so midwesterners at the party will no doubt finish this off by half time of the second game, tops...
Ireland's Potato Can't be Joked, Just Like... Marriage?
16/11/09 19:21
A surprisingly popular french fry joint in Causeway
Bay. Interesting name - must be one big potato. And
how did they transport it to HK? Oh well, much
preferable to 'Ireland's Cabbage'. To their credit
they must make damn good fries - there's alway at
least a 20 person queue whenever I've happened by.
Anyway I was struck by the rather odd jack-o-lantern logo, and the even more bizarre inclusion of a lightning bolt. What does a jack-o-lantern have to do with fries (or lightning)? Ours is not to question, laddy - just eat your fooken chips. Also the slogan is one for the ages:
There are two things in the world that can't be joked: 1. marriage 2. potato
Anyway I was struck by the rather odd jack-o-lantern logo, and the even more bizarre inclusion of a lightning bolt. What does a jack-o-lantern have to do with fries (or lightning)? Ours is not to question, laddy - just eat your fooken chips. Also the slogan is one for the ages:
There are two things in the world that can't be joked: 1. marriage 2. potato
Sweat Time?
09/11/09 08:59
A poster from Times Square. I have no idea what this
is supposed to do/be. I actually tried to find more
info on this image on the internets, but nothing
presented itself. Apparently it's supposed to inspire
old ladies (with male bodies and a passing
resemblance to the gueen?) to participate in field
hockey, baseball, american football, and sweating. So
much sweating that they literally begin to melt into
their shoes and all over the floor...
Astra Zeneca Announces UK Coup
04/11/09 17:43
A billboard announcing either AstraZeneca's latest
antacid breakthrough - or their successful coup and
takeover of the UK. Apparently they gave out free
samples at curry shops throughout the country,
knowing that chicken korma was now the most popular
dish (and heartburn was now commonplace in the adult
population). I guess if you don't capitulate now they
will cause further pain and gastric distress, as
illustrated in the background. I love the reassuring
scientist/spokesman in the pristine lab coat, as well
as the (admittedly interesting if difficult to read)
AZ logo emblazoned on the podium (and the new UK flag
behind him). Also the antidote packet he offers, a
mere 5 pounds a pill; added incentive to anyone who
ever fancies a curry again...
Instant Witch
03/11/09 07:47
A costume in the bargain bin at Toys R Us. Looks like
its been in there awhile. Not sure why though; who
wouldn't want an instant witch? Just add
water and stand back, and poof! Your very own
pissed-off, mildly chubby Denny's waitress, complete
with hectoring voice, press-on nails, ill-fitting
hat, unflattering peasant blouse, and years of
resentment. Not to worry though, unless you're her
ex-husband...
Aah! Its... Zombie Nutcracker!
01/11/09 16:13
Here's the final Hallo Wind-sor installment,
featuring that all-time classic horror icon, the
zombie nutcracker. Who can forget this archetypal
character of yore? What, you've never heard
of the Zombie Nutcracker? You need to get out more my
friend...
Hallo Wind-sor... Hallowind Sor?
01/11/09 15:56
Windsor Place's odd attempt at a haunted house.
Behold the much anticipated 'Hallo Wind-sor" -
complete with bloody eyeballs for the o's - now
that's quality. Not sure if that's supposed
to be 'hallowind sor' or 'wind sore'; neither sounds
fun. There' s also the odd inclusion of a snake eye
in the stone wall above the sign, but I'm sure its
purpose is revealed inside. This wasn't open when I
dropped by, but from the outside I assume its not
good for little kids. Hong Kongers tend to really
overdue the gruesome aspects of halloween, displaying
way too much gore for kiddies. Even HK
Disney is guilty of this; we were warned in no
uncertain terms to avoid the haunted house there, as
kids were coming out crying and screaming, attempting
to burrow into their parents chests to escape the
nightmares within.
Anyway here are a few of the highlights from outside. including a rather perplexed giant jack-o-lantern, and a truly disturbing Michael Jackson-esque new wave zombie. Not that Jacko needed any zombie makeup...
Anyway here are a few of the highlights from outside. including a rather perplexed giant jack-o-lantern, and a truly disturbing Michael Jackson-esque new wave zombie. Not that Jacko needed any zombie makeup...
The Kinder Bueno Devil Vampire
29/10/09 07:47
A halloween ad for 'kinder bueno' candy bars. Not
sure what he's supposed to be exactly - a horned
vampire? A dapper fanged devil? A new hazelnut cream
fueled devil/vampire hybrid? Nice fangs though,
perfectly adapted (note how they line up
exactly with the bar sections) to suck said
hazelnut cream from defenseless kinder buenos. Makes
me want to go out and become a suave devil vampire
myself...
Aaah! It's Mrs. Shopaholic!
28/10/09 07:30
Another one of Ocean Park's Halloween characters,
this one complete with her own funhouse at Times
Square. I guess an undead 'tai tai' (slang for a rich
housewife of a certain age with money and time to
burn) amassing huge credit card bills from beyond the
grave is truly horrifying by HK standards. And that
purse - so last season!
And here's her 'house' - filled with Ocean Park Halloween memorabilia from yesteryear and funhouse mirrors. NIce touch with the coffin-shaped door...
There's also this geriatric vampire; he really looks like he's 500 years old, shuffling along behind you. "I'm a-comin' to drink your... blood? yes blood goddamn smart ass whippersnappers... just let me get a-goin' here... no respect for your elders..."
And here's her 'house' - filled with Ocean Park Halloween memorabilia from yesteryear and funhouse mirrors. NIce touch with the coffin-shaped door...
There's also this geriatric vampire; he really looks like he's 500 years old, shuffling along behind you. "I'm a-comin' to drink your... blood? yes blood goddamn smart ass whippersnappers... just let me get a-goin' here... no respect for your elders..."
Planet of the Cheapy Queenies
20/10/09 07:54
The poster below is for the inexplicably
well-received "Planet of the Lang Mo", a show by HK
comedian Jim Chow, the guy responsible for those
annoying Giordano 'cheer u up' t-shirts. If you
haven't seen these, they have the classic round
yellow happy face motif, but with x's for eyes. In
the US at least this signifies being drunk or knocked
senseless, which is appropriate for anyone wearing
this stuff...
Anyway Mr. Chow has put all his considerable comedic talents (and craaazy facial expressions!) into his latest vehicle, a critique of the 'lang mo' phenomenon here in HK. According to one fawning website, ”Lang Mo” is a slang term used to describe “a teenage girl who is prepared to dress and show off her hot body at public functions in a way that, in previous years, could only be seen in adult magazines”... Hmmm. It seems Mr. Chow has come up with several hilarious incarnations, ranging from 'Cheapy Queeny' to 'Hallow Kitty' to "Banana Baby' (the less said about the latter the better). Mr. Chow has no doubt pulled HK comedy (and crossdressing?) down a few levels closer to hell in the process...
Anyway Mr. Chow has put all his considerable comedic talents (and craaazy facial expressions!) into his latest vehicle, a critique of the 'lang mo' phenomenon here in HK. According to one fawning website, ”Lang Mo” is a slang term used to describe “a teenage girl who is prepared to dress and show off her hot body at public functions in a way that, in previous years, could only be seen in adult magazines”... Hmmm. It seems Mr. Chow has come up with several hilarious incarnations, ranging from 'Cheapy Queeny' to 'Hallow Kitty' to "Banana Baby' (the less said about the latter the better). Mr. Chow has no doubt pulled HK comedy (and crossdressing?) down a few levels closer to hell in the process...
Aaah! It's... One Braid?!
16/10/09 08:12
This is a poster for the upcoming halloween
celebrations at Ocean Park, a local (and quite
successful) theme park. In the past their decorations
have been way overboard, especially considering their
main clientele are families; impalings, blood and
mutilated bodies are a bit much for kinder.
This is more along the lines of traditional Chinese ghosts, a spurned woman returned from the grave with a vengeance. If you've seen the famous 'Chinese Ghost Story' movies (which I highly recommend by the way) you've seen the deadly 'hair extension' motif before. This one takes that even further, with a nasty single braid lashing out from the enraged ghost's head. No idea why her head is backwards, but perhaps that's why she's so pissed off. I love the street sign as well; I guess she's famous enough to have a whole road named after her.
This is more along the lines of traditional Chinese ghosts, a spurned woman returned from the grave with a vengeance. If you've seen the famous 'Chinese Ghost Story' movies (which I highly recommend by the way) you've seen the deadly 'hair extension' motif before. This one takes that even further, with a nasty single braid lashing out from the enraged ghost's head. No idea why her head is backwards, but perhaps that's why she's so pissed off. I love the street sign as well; I guess she's famous enough to have a whole road named after her.
Nasty Side Effects...
23/09/09 07:24
An ad from a junk mailer here in HK. Not sure what
'Noni' is supposed to do exactly, but it does seem to
have some nasty side effects. Apparently these don't
kick in until your trip to the local tea shop after
work, so that lessens the blow i suppose. Hate to see
what happens if you take twice the recommended
dosage; does your entire face go, or just the left
side your body? Maybe you could manage to slink
through the office only showing your sunny, confident
right profile..
Forsaken Acid Mickey
20/09/09 09:20
A forgotten shot from the 'street Mickey' exhibition
at Times Square a few weeks ago. This mickey seems to
have been conceived/designed while under the
influence of acid, or something suitably
mind-altering, though probably not peyote, which i
assume is hard to come by in Asia. His limbs are
teased out in grotesque springs, his signature pants
have mutated into a heavily weighted bowl, his hands
into useless pill shaped lumps. He appears to be
crying out to Disney heaven in a 'why have you
forsaken me?' pose, or melting into the pavement
under the oppressive glare of Walt himself. Don't
know if this is supposed to signify something
profound (or if the sculptor has a 'signature' style
that he must apply to all his work, so that Goofy,
Bambi, or even Hello Kitty would be given the same
unsettling treatment). Apparently its not that
unsettling; the gentleman on the phone to the right
didn't even look up as he strolled by. Maybe he's an
acid-sculpture critic and is dishing to a colleague-
'oh god, another Mickey - how
original - i'm sorry you were saying?"
Love Sheep?
05/09/09 08:58
Another image that (to a native English speaker at
least) kind of speaks for itself. Actually I an
ex-girlfriend of mine had a great story about buying
a joke item for a bachelorette (hen) party. She had
nervously entered an 'adult novelty' store and had
stumbled on the product in question - but was curious
if the 'love sheep' was like a normal blow up doll.
The cashier had frowned and then picked up the store
public address phone and yelled "Hey Lenny! This
blowup sheep doll have love holes?" Suffice
to say she melted into the floor in utter
embarassment. And yes the sheep did in fact have love
holes. I will refrain from any expected Kiwi and/or
Greek references at this juncture. Or did that just
count as one? Not that I'm insinuating anything.
Really.
Action Hero - Says So on the Box
31/08/09 07:57
Another forgotten item from my older brother's toy
design hoard, a circa 1975 G.I. Joe knockoff with an
orange flight suit (though sadly without the kung fu
grip). I love the idea of a generic action figure,
but I especially love the inclusion of Gen. MacArthur
on the packaging; does this mean that 'action figure'
also has a bizarre penchant for kimonos, an ego the
size of Asia, and a burning desire to nuke China
before they cross the 38th parallel? And the fact
that its part of the 'collectable all series' is
intriguing; I suppose that includes the generic
Barbie (with impossible body dimensions sure to
depress preteen girls), and the generic sanrio/hello
kitty knockoff with monstrous eyes and unsettling
'cute' coefficient...
A Bit Much With the Devil Train?
26/08/09 07:33
Another panel from the anti-drug campaign murals in
Kennedy Town. Looks like some of the kiddies may have
taken their zeal for eradicating drug use a bit too
far. Not to make light of a serious issue, but having
pills etc to the tracks and running over them with
the Devil Train is a bit unsettling. And the
faceless/fingerless conductor is disturbing as well.
Love the long-horned human skull on the stack though.
Also judging by the defiant, sleep-deprived eyes of
the 'syringe', maybe it takes being cut in half by
tons of hurtling, demonic iron to finish him off.
Looks like he's pretty strung out already; but then
again he is filled with glowing heroin...
Mickey the Pirate King
18/08/09 07:57
Another interesting prop from the Mickey street art
exhibit. Seems he now fancies himself 'Mickey the
Pirate King', and has created his very own pirate
flag, which in its way is more disturbing than the
skull and crossbones. Wonder if Mickey will be
engaged in modern piracy along the East African
coast, or stay local in Asia and terrorize the
shipping lanes of Indonesia and the Philippines. Also
if some of his old pals will take to their new
career; Goofy becoming a sadistic goon with a chip on
his shoulder about his intelligence and stutter - "
yu-yu- ya callin' me stupid? well i'm gonna cut you a
new tongue!" Or Donald Duck screaming Somali insults
over a megaphone in his signature voice, then
screaming 'waahhhgghhh!" as he empties his AK-47
across the party deck of an unlucky cruise ship...
Mickey & Beedy Attack the Paparazzi
15/08/09 17:07
More disturbing images from the Mickey street art
extravaganza. It seems Mickey's finally had enough of
some pushy paparazzi. I'm unsure what he's supposed
to be standing in front of - a monstrous Rubik's
cube(?). He's seems to have snapped and his now out
for blood, screaming full-throated obscenities, eyes
blazing, spittle flying.
He's joined by the newest member of his posse', 'Beedy', known for his namesake (disturbingly low set) eyes, and for wearing his mickey mouse pants at "old man armpit level". Sure hope security steps in before Mickey and Beedy give an old fashion Disney beat down, maybe with his gal Minnie stepping in to get a solid kick to the paparazzo's ribs with her signature red stilettos...
He's joined by the newest member of his posse', 'Beedy', known for his namesake (disturbingly low set) eyes, and for wearing his mickey mouse pants at "old man armpit level". Sure hope security steps in before Mickey and Beedy give an old fashion Disney beat down, maybe with his gal Minnie stepping in to get a solid kick to the paparazzo's ribs with her signature red stilettos...
The Awesome Power of... Addition!
11/08/09 08:53
This is a street mural in deepest Kennedy Town, part
of a wall section of student art dedicated to
ant-drug messaging. While I applaud the idea and
effort, a few were too extraordinary to pass up. This
panel illustrates the truly awesome destructive power
of math -specifically addition and
multiplication; it's literally streaming out in waves
from our studious hero - with help from his backpack
and textbooks - painfully smiting the various drugs
and drug paraphenalia around him. As our hero grows
in expertise, he will no doubt add the disciplines of
subtraction and division to his devastating
arsenal...
Got The Shoes, But Where Are His Pants?
09/08/09 09:30
These are the titan-sized Mickey shoes to go with the
Mickey god-gloves, just visible in the background.
Not sure if these are to scale, but they're still
more than large enough to crush unbelieving fans of
rival franchises. Wouldn't want to be in a
tricked-out Scion with Looneytunes stickers when
Mickey does his signature 'Mickey Mouse Walk' through
Mong Kok, arms akimbo and legs pumping. Unfortunately
they didn't have a scaled-up pair of red mickey mouse
pants on display (complete with signature yellow
buttons); though if Mickey does come to
claim his gloves and shoes, I'm sure he'll bring his
own pair. He is still a Disney character after all,
even if he's out stomping innocent bystanders into
jelly...
The Three-Fingered Hands of a God...
07/08/09 08:22
This is from a rather unsettling Mickey Mouse 'edgy'
art exhibition at Times Square in Causeway Bay. I
managed to get a few pictures without all the people
- more adults than children - posing with them, but
honestly I had to wait for about 10 minutes for a
clear shot.
Disney is insanely popular in China and HK; we even have our own themepark over at Hong Kong Disney. But I guess the folks over at marketing wanted to nail down the art gallery set as well. So we have the Mickey God Hands, which allow fans to pretend they are about to be scooped up by the Mouse himself. But beware, for he may suddenly lift you up to his bottomless black eyes and lay bare your disney product consumption. And woe to any who are held in those gloves and found wanting...
Disney is insanely popular in China and HK; we even have our own themepark over at Hong Kong Disney. But I guess the folks over at marketing wanted to nail down the art gallery set as well. So we have the Mickey God Hands, which allow fans to pretend they are about to be scooped up by the Mouse himself. But beware, for he may suddenly lift you up to his bottomless black eyes and lay bare your disney product consumption. And woe to any who are held in those gloves and found wanting...
Iconic Mustaches & Turtle Jelly Mastery
03/08/09 08:01
Of the many mustachioed turtle jelly masters in HK,
Master Ng is no doubt the most famous. It seems years
ago he stumbled upon Chinese-medicinal stardom when
he combined two powerful marketing concepts - quality
fresh turtle collagen herbal jelly and iconic facial
hair - into one winning formula. And having exquisite
taste in clothes didn't hurt either; note the
sharkskin jacket and white tie:
As you can see by this montage from his website, Master Ng uses only the finest tubs and refrigerators for his products, and truly industrial strength binders to hold his voluminous research. As for why the emphasis on 'freshly reproduced turtles', look no further than this handy FAQ:
I wonder if Master Ng ever sees his reflection in one of the Versailles-scale mirrors at his palatial estate, and curses his symbiotic mustache; it has given him great fame and fortune, yes... but at such terrible personal cost...
As you can see by this montage from his website, Master Ng uses only the finest tubs and refrigerators for his products, and truly industrial strength binders to hold his voluminous research. As for why the emphasis on 'freshly reproduced turtles', look no further than this handy FAQ:
I wonder if Master Ng ever sees his reflection in one of the Versailles-scale mirrors at his palatial estate, and curses his symbiotic mustache; it has given him great fame and fortune, yes... but at such terrible personal cost...
Try Me! Please?
01/08/09 08:24
For those wondering whatever became of Edward
Scissorhands, he's now utilizing his unique talents
as a stylist for the famed South China Athletic
Association's 3rd floor barbershop. After years of
wasting away in Wan Chai bars and Mong Kok
gentlemen's clubs, Eddies's on the comeback; he's
still quite fragile though, and it was all the staff
could do get him to pose for this poster. Good to see
he's turned his life around. Always wondered how he
ate with those things, so say nothing of more
delicate personal hygiene; honestly I could never
stomach more than about 5 minutes of the movie
myself, so maybe they cover that in typically 'darkly
clever' Burtonesque fashion. Have to say this
super-cute rendering doesn't exactly make me want to
rush on over, though I appreciate the subtle
juxtaposition of the barber pole and anime Eddie...
The Stackticon King
20/07/09 07:38
This is a sign from the local Burger King in
Pennsylvania. I was initially intrigued by the term
'stackicon' and assumed it was some transformers
tie-in; much to my consternation I found that I was
correct. By the way our friends at the Gettysburg 'BK
Lounge' (as we lovingly referred to it in high
school) didn't bother to check the spelling, but it
seems 'Stackticon' is a play on 'stackers', a BK
sandwich you can stack - how clever.
Anyway out of morbid curiosity i looked up the term and found this ad blurb: In honor of the new movie "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," Burger King introduces the BK BBQ Stackticon, which allows consumers to build their sandwich as big or tall as they want with unlimited beef, cheese and bacon... Out of even more morbid curiosity I looked up the site itself, as was greeted with this disturbing image:
Yow. I should mention that the dollar bills float independently around the site for no reason. You can also roll over the king and get his 'transformer power ratings', one of which is for 'creepiness'. Love the hair.
One final morbid etc etc search, yielded a real stackticon - thankfully someone had gone to the trouble of providing shots of both the advertised ideal and the actual sandwich together:
So all in all a rather pathetic but resonant slice of contemporary American culture, stacked for your convenience (I know I know I couldn't resist):
a truly awful movie - and yes it is as awful as all those snooty critics say it is;
the inevitable fast-food marketing tie-in, but does it transform into anything other than 2 lbs of human fat? Alas no;
and the option for American consumers to add as much beef cheese and bacon as they can, which is a lot...
Anyway out of morbid curiosity i looked up the term and found this ad blurb: In honor of the new movie "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," Burger King introduces the BK BBQ Stackticon, which allows consumers to build their sandwich as big or tall as they want with unlimited beef, cheese and bacon... Out of even more morbid curiosity I looked up the site itself, as was greeted with this disturbing image:
Yow. I should mention that the dollar bills float independently around the site for no reason. You can also roll over the king and get his 'transformer power ratings', one of which is for 'creepiness'. Love the hair.
One final morbid etc etc search, yielded a real stackticon - thankfully someone had gone to the trouble of providing shots of both the advertised ideal and the actual sandwich together:
So all in all a rather pathetic but resonant slice of contemporary American culture, stacked for your convenience (I know I know I couldn't resist):
a truly awful movie - and yes it is as awful as all those snooty critics say it is;
the inevitable fast-food marketing tie-in, but does it transform into anything other than 2 lbs of human fat? Alas no;
and the option for American consumers to add as much beef cheese and bacon as they can, which is a lot...
Bibleman Shatters the Prince of Pride
18/07/09 07:27
This is a puzzle from my parents house, that someone
gave to my older brother at a toy fair. I guess
'hypocritically self-righteous man' and 'biblical
quotes taken out of context to support my narrow
religious beliefs man' were already taken. Not sure
what his powers are exactly: quoting obscure bible
passages to confound his liberal enemies? "...and
Josiah begat his son Jebediah, and yea they did lay
down with Yellenite whores and know them. Then
fourscore years later did their progeny rise up and
punish those same Yellenites for their sinful
combining of wool and cotton..". So
obviously, postal union organizers of the
Tri-Cities area, you must repent your liberal ways or
face the wrath of Yahweh!" (the same passage from
Leviticus that evangelicals always quote to justify
gay people being damned etc. also recommends
death to anyone wearing wool and cotton together, so
I guess all those righteous Southern senators in
pristine wool suits and spotless cotton shirts are
damned as well... but I digress).
Anyway, whatever power Bibleman possesses apparently allows him to shatter the 'Prince of Pride'. Have to say that this is the lamest version of Satan I've ever come across; I guess a cyborg suit with a green plexiglass eye attachment is all they could afford over at Talicor Puzzles. Perhaps the glass magnifies his prideful stare! Can't see bible camp kids trembling in fear of him though - he looks more like a lower echelon Power Rangers villain, without the usual rubber antennae and mandibles. You do get a free poster though, so thats something...
Anyway, whatever power Bibleman possesses apparently allows him to shatter the 'Prince of Pride'. Have to say that this is the lamest version of Satan I've ever come across; I guess a cyborg suit with a green plexiglass eye attachment is all they could afford over at Talicor Puzzles. Perhaps the glass magnifies his prideful stare! Can't see bible camp kids trembling in fear of him though - he looks more like a lower echelon Power Rangers villain, without the usual rubber antennae and mandibles. You do get a free poster though, so thats something...
T-Rexes Don't Make Good Pets
18/07/09 04:03
This is an older ad for a mobile service(?) here in
HK. I love the T-Rex as faithful pooch
motif, with his golden retriever coloring and
lovingly personalized collar. I wonder what Sam plays
fetch with; a water buffalo leg? An oar? Anyway this
ad left me wondering how the happy family below deals
with Sam when he gets too hungry or grouchy; T-Rexes
are notoriously difficult pets, though not as bad as
rottweilers. Sam gets pretty frustrated when ordered
to 'shake' - it reminds him of his near-useless front
legs, and makes him feel frustrated and inadequate.
And as everyone knows, 'a frustrated T-Rex is a
dangerous T-Rex'. I wonder how this weekend's jaunt
to the park turns out - "Sam Sit! Stay! I
mean it buster! Honey make a break for the car while
I distract him with the buffalo leg! Stay Sam
stay!"
Hey Kids - Who's First on Beeterro?
14/07/09 20:24
I came across some older forgotten shots on my
laptop, most of which were shite, but found a few
gems (gems in the shite - isn't that a
Scottish expression?)
Anyway this is a hercules beetle ride in a Tokyo arcade. No sign of an accompanying 'dung beetle' ride, complete with 6-foot dung ball that you roll in front of you and defend like its made of gold... oh well, probably so much the better.
Much to my surprise it sat strangely idle; one would think that kids would line up around the block (and forego those newfangled 'video' games nearby) for a chance to mount 'hercu-beetle' and pretend they are slowly shuffling through the leaf litter, feasting on detritus just like a real beetle.
Unfortunately the dire warning on his jaws was in Japanese only, so I can only assume it cautions riders not to push the glowing red button next to his steering wheel, lest hercu-beetle transform into a 30-story 'Beeterro' and force the desperate Japanese army to reluctantly call upon Godzilla to stop it. And Godzilla always exacts a terrible price for his services. A terrible price...
Anyway this is a hercules beetle ride in a Tokyo arcade. No sign of an accompanying 'dung beetle' ride, complete with 6-foot dung ball that you roll in front of you and defend like its made of gold... oh well, probably so much the better.
Much to my surprise it sat strangely idle; one would think that kids would line up around the block (and forego those newfangled 'video' games nearby) for a chance to mount 'hercu-beetle' and pretend they are slowly shuffling through the leaf litter, feasting on detritus just like a real beetle.
Unfortunately the dire warning on his jaws was in Japanese only, so I can only assume it cautions riders not to push the glowing red button next to his steering wheel, lest hercu-beetle transform into a 30-story 'Beeterro' and force the desperate Japanese army to reluctantly call upon Godzilla to stop it. And Godzilla always exacts a terrible price for his services. A terrible price...
Monty the Garden Zombie
08/07/09 19:47
Another garden accessory from our friends at Toscano
in the SkyMall catalog. Nothing compliments a garden
yeti quite like a lifesize zombie erupting from your
azaleas. His official name is the "Zombie of
Montclaire Moors(?)", or Monty for short.
Here is an excerpt from the ad copy: not for the faint of heart...will claw his way out of your garden (and into your heart!)... office or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the most lifelike eyes you've ever seen..you'll swear you can hear him breathing!" Definitely a surefire conversation starter, either with your children's new psychiatrist friend or with the ambulance crew sent over to resuscitate grandpa...
Here is an excerpt from the ad copy: not for the faint of heart...will claw his way out of your garden (and into your heart!)... office or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the most lifelike eyes you've ever seen..you'll swear you can hear him breathing!" Definitely a surefire conversation starter, either with your children's new psychiatrist friend or with the ambulance crew sent over to resuscitate grandpa...
Bigfoot the Garden Yeti
02/07/09 19:21
From the infamous SkyMall catalog on our flight from
San Francisco to DC. Now you too can have your every
own garden yeti, over 2 feet of mysterious (until
now!) primate, guaranteed to spark lively
conversation and terrify neighborhood children.
Apparently garden gnomes are no longer a viable
kitsch option, thanks to travelocity's annoying ad
campaign, which they stole by the way. (In the
interest of full disclosure I must confess to owning
an 'alien yard gnome' in our backyard in DC,
appropriately named 'Roswell'). Note that he's posed
like the famous film still of Bigfoot - and yes I've
watched enough bad TV - think 'Monsterquest on the
History Channel - to recognize it instantly.
Several noteworthy things about the garden yeti - the catalog calls him 'Bigfoot the Garden Yeti': an incredibly uninspired and confusing nickname, like 'Puma the Tiger'; also everyone knows that yeti are found in the Himalayas, not in suburban US gardens where most bigfoot sightings occur... Why not call him 'Yeti the Garden Bigfoot'? That way he could have an exotic name to bandy about when meeting other garden Bigfeet(?) "yeah my parents went to Nepal and named me after my third cousin - thought it'd be cool. My brother Sasquatch was born in Vancouver...".
Several noteworthy things about the garden yeti - the catalog calls him 'Bigfoot the Garden Yeti': an incredibly uninspired and confusing nickname, like 'Puma the Tiger'; also everyone knows that yeti are found in the Himalayas, not in suburban US gardens where most bigfoot sightings occur... Why not call him 'Yeti the Garden Bigfoot'? That way he could have an exotic name to bandy about when meeting other garden Bigfeet(?) "yeah my parents went to Nepal and named me after my third cousin - thought it'd be cool. My brother Sasquatch was born in Vancouver...".
Pucking Coffee
01/07/09 18:52
This is from the eminently forgettable (and
preposterously overpriced) Portola hotel in Monterey
CA; the only hotel I've ever stayed at that charged a
US DOLLAR A MINUTE for internet access - yep 60 bucks
an hour. No doubt cheaper - and more reiiable - in
Birkina Faso.
The package below is the in-room coffee selection for the circa 1985 coffeemaker. It seems the intrepid entrepeneur Wolfgang Puck is at it again with his hand-crafted 'signature coffee' blends. Only the highest quality beans are selected in their millions by the Maestro himself - to be freeze dried and bagged by the ton for tourist trap hotels like the lovely Portola.
Hard working man our Wolfgang, first with Spago(?) or whatever his restaurant is called, then the gourmet microwave pizzas (each one meticulously hand-crafted by the Maestro himself- then shipped to Costcos and Walmarts across the country). Anyway what caught my eye was Wolfgang's expression on the packaging - I assume he's supposed to look dutifully impressed with his creation, but he seems more like "Vas is dis? You call zis f*cking coffee?!" Having tried it myself I have to say I'm more in the latter camp.
The package below is the in-room coffee selection for the circa 1985 coffeemaker. It seems the intrepid entrepeneur Wolfgang Puck is at it again with his hand-crafted 'signature coffee' blends. Only the highest quality beans are selected in their millions by the Maestro himself - to be freeze dried and bagged by the ton for tourist trap hotels like the lovely Portola.
Hard working man our Wolfgang, first with Spago(?) or whatever his restaurant is called, then the gourmet microwave pizzas (each one meticulously hand-crafted by the Maestro himself- then shipped to Costcos and Walmarts across the country). Anyway what caught my eye was Wolfgang's expression on the packaging - I assume he's supposed to look dutifully impressed with his creation, but he seems more like "Vas is dis? You call zis f*cking coffee?!" Having tried it myself I have to say I'm more in the latter camp.
Does She Get to Keep It?
22/06/09 12:23
This is a poster advertising Octupus card rewards
(like an ATM card but much more versatile) at a
nearby Jusco, a Japanese dollar store chain with tons
of kitsch and craft supplies. I assume this is a
reference to the Year of the Ox, though its clearly a
cow. Oh well, the woman is certainly
ecstatic with it's appearance, though I wonder if she
gets to keep it, and if she realizes what she's
getting into if she does. Not an ideal pet for a 700
sq ft apartment.
The cowering clerk at the register also looks rather put out; perhaps this happens a few times a week, and once again he'll to clean up after 'midas' takes a gilded dump on his scanner. Must be really hard to get metallic cow dung out of all the little seams...
The cowering clerk at the register also looks rather put out; perhaps this happens a few times a week, and once again he'll to clean up after 'midas' takes a gilded dump on his scanner. Must be really hard to get metallic cow dung out of all the little seams...
My Money's On the Horse...
10/05/09 08:49
This is a Jockey Club ad for a recent horse race.
It's very well rendered, though I was struck by the
tagline - I would love to see one of HK's beloved
cantopop darlings actually race a
thoroughbred, if only for 100 metres or so. Forgive
me if I don't recognize exactly which one she is, but
Jessica, Cyndy etc. tend to blur together, like the
ladies from the 'pussycat dolls' and their 37 lesser
known competitors.
Or perhaps this is like a vulcan mind-joust, a contest not of brawn but raw brain power. I think my money would still be on the horse...
Or perhaps this is like a vulcan mind-joust, a contest not of brawn but raw brain power. I think my money would still be on the horse...
Frosty KO'd, Betrayed by VitaSoy
05/05/09 19:08
This was on a delivery truck downtown. It seems that
the heated bottle of VitaSoy (soy milk) has KO'd our
unfortunate snowman friend, and is now inexorably and
painfully melting him (and wearing a toasty scarf
just to rub it in too). Not sure what Frosty did to
deserve such a cruel fate; he certainly looks
friendly enough, what with his bowtie and matching
tasseled hat and mittens. Indeed, he has that shocked
expression of the double-crossed character in a
thriller, one who's just been shot by in the back by
his trusted partner - after he got too close the
the truth.
Frosty: "Vita... buddy... why....?"
VitaSoy: "You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you Frosty?"
Frosty: "Vita... buddy... why....?"
VitaSoy: "You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you Frosty?"
Hey Kids! It's Mini Bomb!
05/05/09 18:32
This is a children's clothing store(?) in Causeway
Bay. I tried to find them on the internets, but as
far as I can tell they are a local outfit. The name
more than justifies inclusion here, but that
crazy-ass logo increases its value exponentially.
Don't recall ever seeing a kiddie franchise using a
bomb as a mascot before, let alone one with psychotic
'star and lightning' eyes or a sharktooth smile. What
parent could resist plastering this image across
their two year old's chest? And then there's the
'cute lil' bunny' on the far left, no doubt an
attempt to counterbalance the logo. I couldn't get
close enough to see if the bunny has fangs too...
The Brutally Honest Wedding Dress
26/04/09 18:16
This is yet another bank ad in Central. I was
obviously struck by the wedding dress, which is
composed entirely of $100 HKD bills. Wow that's a
serious train, but god it must weigh a ton (and smell
awful, as anyone who's ever gotten a stack of cash
from an ATM can attest).
Not to be overly cynical, but this is may well be the most brutally honest wedding dress ever made: hell just take out the cash and sew it all together, probably cheaper than actually purchasing and fitting a designer dress. It definitely calls in to question some of the other wedding expenses. In lieu of catering, why not put $50 USD at each place setting? Or why not have the father of the bride just hand out cash directly at the banquet? It does have one distinct advantage over a traditional gown though; rather than collect dust in the attic, you can keep this one handy, and simply snip off a few bills for groceries and utilities as necessary. Just try passing swatches of rhinestoned satin at the supermarket.
Not to be overly cynical, but this is may well be the most brutally honest wedding dress ever made: hell just take out the cash and sew it all together, probably cheaper than actually purchasing and fitting a designer dress. It definitely calls in to question some of the other wedding expenses. In lieu of catering, why not put $50 USD at each place setting? Or why not have the father of the bride just hand out cash directly at the banquet? It does have one distinct advantage over a traditional gown though; rather than collect dust in the attic, you can keep this one handy, and simply snip off a few bills for groceries and utilities as necessary. Just try passing swatches of rhinestoned satin at the supermarket.
Untitled, or Raisins No. 3 (I Hope)
25/04/09 17:30
This is a sculpture outside a popular bakery in Happy
Valley. I desperately looked for, but failed to find,
a plaque indicating artist and/or title; I assume it
has a typical title for ambiguous modern art, like
'Untitled', or 'Raisins No. 3'. I fervently hope
these are meant to be nuggets of kneaded bread, or
raisins, or even boulders. Anything but what they
actually look like...
Oh Tango Mannequin, You Will Be Mine
25/04/09 12:30
This is one of the first photos I took here in HK.
Its from the window display of a British kitchen
appliance chain. I had assumed this was a noble but
misguided attempt by management to lure in
prospective buyers, but the tag line and the rather
bizarre 'dance partner' theme are actually baumatic's
official branding, so in their defense the locals
were obligated to go with it. These are the most
'intentionally' ugly appliances I've ever seen; sharp
edged, utilitarian boxes in bright color options,
like soviet era washing machines given a fresh coat
of loud paint. Needless to say I like the
fire-breathing piranha logo and odd tango poster, but
I love the authentically dressed anatomic figures. Oh
tango mannequin, you will be mine.
Bla Bla Bra (keep a little secret)
25/04/09 11:05
This is a lingerie store in Mongkok. Not the most
inspiring name for a brand, even if you give them
credit for alliteration. They did spend some time on
the logo - note the subtle 'speaking cloud' in the
a of 'bra'. I don't recall ever seeing a
mascot for bras before, let alone two - and
definitely not one with a male version. In fairness I
didn't get a look inside, so perhaps they have line
of men's underwear (though having 'bra' in your name
wouldn't bring in most men, unless you changed it too
'bbb homme' or something similar). I can think of
only two reasons you'd have a male lingerie based
entity; a) for breeding purposes, or b) to attract a
cross-dressing clientele. Maybe that's what the
'little secret' is?
The BOSS of Them ALL
21/04/09 09:01
These are some vending machines in Kyoto. A great tag
line - 'boss of them all since 1992'. Like most
people, I was unaware that coffee had a
boss, or that this was in dispute as recently as
1991. I Also love the choice of logo; a combination
of John Steinbeck and some anonymous but determined
British WWII general. Here are some of their more
famous products: Bossccino, Bosspresso, Boss
Calorie Off, Boss Double Black, Boss Rainbow Mountain
Blend, Boss Begin!, Boss W.E.B. (World Executive
Blend), Boss Silky Black and The
Espresso. These all come in either cold or
heated options. I've never seen a 'hot' vending
machine in the US, but then again people don't
generally buy canned coffee there either. Still its
quite a lineup. I'm personally torn between Boss
Begin! and Bosspresso.
And the mugshot of Tommy Lee Jones, their latest spokesman, is perfect - a mixture of world weary 'don't f**k with me' scowl and crumpled hangover. Again I was unaware that on top of his hectic acting career, Tommy had devoted himself to being Coffee Boss. He looks like it has taken a serious toll on him; alas 'heavy hangs the head that smokes the pipe'.
And the mugshot of Tommy Lee Jones, their latest spokesman, is perfect - a mixture of world weary 'don't f**k with me' scowl and crumpled hangover. Again I was unaware that on top of his hectic acting career, Tommy had devoted himself to being Coffee Boss. He looks like it has taken a serious toll on him; alas 'heavy hangs the head that smokes the pipe'.
Even Monsters Need Their Morning Joe
03/04/09 09:26
This is a small anime/manga character that my someone
gave my daughters. I have no idea who he is exactly;
I assume he is one of the myriad
pokemon/dragonball/pikachu villains, shrunk down to
'cute' size for the kiddies. There seem to be an
endless supply of devil/skull faced guys on these
shows, with odd names like piccolo or
lord wednesday. I usually avoid
pokemon like the plague, but I just had to include
this little guy. Hey, even demonic mutants need a
kickstart in the morning. I imagine he goes for the
darker roasts.
Behold - the Mouth of Truth!
18/02/09 18:51
This is a novelty attraction in the kid's playroom at
Gold Coast resort in HK. I believe 'Bocca Della
Verita' translates as 'Mouth of Truth' in Italian.
You put your hand in his mouth/slot and the imposing
Greco-Roman device reads your palm, apparently
leaving fiery disfiguring scars along your fortune
lines. I can't imagine any sane child putting their
hand inside this thing to be honest, or any adult for
that matter. It wasn't plugged in at the time, so I
couldn't try it out. But what does it actually say
when it is? Does it bellow - in a Godlike basso voice
- dire predictions that will ruin your childhood and
adolescence, like "you shall remain a virgin until
your thirty-fifth year!" or "yours was an accidental
birth!" Or perhaps something more in line with Greek
tragedies, like "You shall murder your father in a
jealous rage and marry your stepmother! So says the
Bocca Della VERITA!"
I Think I'll Pass...
16/02/09 19:56
This is the street menu for a restaurant in Tokyo.
Suffice it to say that having the words 'foods' and
'drink' coming out of the pig's behind doesn't
exactly spark the appetite. Perhaps these guys
specialize in some odd Japanese delicacies - like the
infamous kopi luwak, an indonesian
coffee bean that is eaten and 'passed' through a wild
cat before roasting. Still I much prefer a cafe'
where the food is made of pork rather than
by it...
Have a Very... Unsettling Holiday!
18/12/08 19:20
These are a few shots of a holiday display by Hysan,
one of the more successful property developers here
in HK. It's mounted on one of their most exclusive
properties. I honestly didn't know what to make of
this - obviously a lot of time and money went into
it, but one wonders what the hell they were thinking
exactly. The christ reference is pretty obvious -
seems he has kept the halo but dispensed with the
cross and bleeding wounds. He's also upgraded his
outfit, no doubt because Louis Vitton and Dior are
right across the street. Also he is quite capable of
breaking out of two dimensions, but is choosing to
stay behind and suffer for our fashion sins. I don't
know what the albino peacock represents, nor the
braided chef, who seems quite put out at having to
cater the event. The magic-spark throwing child looks
more like a safety ad for the dangers of
present-generated static electricity. She appears to
be falling into some kind of gift-based trap, and her
sparkly powers can't save her; maybe fashionista
Jesus can. And finally there's the traditional xmas
fairy queen, complete with her famous dry ice
well/pocket watch potted plant combo...
Baguette + Tequila + Genie = Party!
14/12/08 19:54
This is an older bus kiosk ad for a street party in
Lan Kwai Fong, the premier expat drinking
neighborhood on the HK side. I was taken in by his
wild eyes, maniacal smile, and cross-cultural hindu
god/genie combo. Here we have all the essential
ingredients to a classic HK shindig - some old school
vinyl, sushi, a freshly flown in Maine lobster, a
large whisk, a margarita (although tequila isn't
exactly popular here), and of course a fresh
baguette... now thats a party.
No bad breath in THIS town
27/11/08 18:34
I came across this a few places in the MTR - it seems
that its not enough to merely eliminate bad breath
causers; you must first humiliate them in traditional
Chinese fashion: force them to crawl on thier knees,
shackled with pillory-style handcuffs, and mounted
with placards proclaiming their heinous crimes. I
suppose the next billboard with show the miscreants
brutally executed and mounted on poles as a grim
warning to other potential offenders...
The All-Seeing Zero Accident Spirit
21/06/08 17:38
This little guy was given to my oldest daughter at a
safety workshop. His two-fold mission is to exhort
Hong Kongers to attain the laudable goal of 'zero
traffic accidents' - and to act as a handy paper
holder of course. What makes him truly odd, apart
from his car/hat, is the matching set of 'wheels' on
the back of his head. Initially I thought this was a
bizarre attempt to complete the car motif; then it
occured to me that this was in fact a second set of
eyes, strategically placed to assist him in his
mission. I also like his wrap-around toga/belt,
constructed of a green swath of accident free
highway; note that it also covers his spirit
genitalia - modesty and traffic safety,
stylishly combined.
Slobbering Tooth Mascot
06/06/08 19:24
No one does disturbing mascots quite like the
Japanese, although Hong Kongers take a close second.
I saw this on a bus side in Causeway Bay; I'm not
sure what the tooth is doing exactly, though he seems
enraptured to the point of salivating with his new
toast(?) or lozenge girlfriend. I am guessing this is
an ad for a tooth-ache remedy, but god who knows. I
especially like the real life park bench they're
sharing on their 'date'. Maybe he'll try the old
yawning-arm stretching routine...
Segas vs. Winds
06/06/08 19:18
This was the side panel to an ancient (80's) tabletop
basketball game in Gold Coast resort's playroom. I'm
pulling for the Winds...
